Full-of-his-own-importance Richard Arnold spoke to yer actual Matt Smith and Jenna-Louise Coleman her very self on Thursday morning's odious and risible ITV breakfast flop Daybreak, chatting about the return of Doctor Who, the character relationships, and what might happen in the forthcoming fiftieth anniversary. Jenna-Louse spoke about the relationship between the two characters: 'Clara has kind of been billed as the impossible woman to The Doctor because she's this unsolved mystery that he doesn't understand, and a woman twice dead. There's kind of a lot going on between the two of them, he's trying to figure her out, she doesn't quite know him, so there's a lot going on.' 
Matt responded to the description of the TARDIS as 'the snog box' by saying: '[It] gives him a fright and irritates him hugely I think because the idea of snogging in it is just redundant.' And on the subject of any potential romance between the two characters, he added: 'Perhaps, you'll have to wait and see - God knows how he'd react to romance, The Doctor - or my Doctor, anyway.' When asked about The Doctor's greatest secret, which Steven Moffat promises to reveal in the series finale in May, Jenna-Louise would only said: 'It's huge finale episode, it's a great build up into the fiftieth. It's a homage to the last fifty years, it's pretty epic.' Speaking about the fiftieth anniversary special itself, Smudger said: 'It's a thrill and a privilege, and I think it's going to be the biggest and best year and the most momentous occasion - we hope - in the show's history. I've read the script and it balances looking back and forward in a glorious way. I've become a fan of the show, in the same way as when you watch it there's that, and there's that, and there's this and there's that.'
Yer actual Alan Davies claims that he has 'solved' the mysterious cliffhanger ending to series two of BBC1 drama Sherlock thanks to a plot in his own detective series, Jonathan Creek. Davies said that a twist in the 1998 Jonathan Creek episode The Problem at Gallows Gate revealed a potential explanation for how Benedict Cumberbatch's character survived his leap off the top of a tall building onto an extremely concrete pavement beneath. 'I know how he got away with it, but I'm not telling you,' boasted the actor.
'We did a similar thing in Jonathan Creek when someone jumped off a roof at a party - that's all I'm saying.' In The Problem at Gallows Gate, a character faked their own death using accomplices and a grass-covered trapdoor with a net underneath. Explaining how it happened in the episode, Davies's character said: 'Everyone saw him but nobody saw him land. There was a gap of maybe seven or eight seconds, which is when they did the clever bit. He needed at least two accomplices: one up top, one below. Leaping off a second floor balcony's no big deal if there's something to catch you at the bottom - if you've dug yourself a big hole with a tightly-sprung net inside, [and] rigged up a camouflage frame covered in turf which slides across.'
Davies also revealed that he had threatened to quit Qi over the BBC's decision to axe his - really not very good at all - sitcom Whites. Which, as with most things that get cancelled, was cancelled because it was shite and no one was watching it. That's the way of the world, matey. He said that he is 'still annoyed' by the cancellation of the show, in which he played a chef at an exclusive country hotel. Look, let it go, Al! Nobody else seemed to think it was the comedy masterpiece that you, clearly, did. And, I say that not as a professional comedy writer or, indeed as a TV critic but, rather, as a viewer and licence fee payer. You know, one of 'the little people' who pay your wages. Davies told this week's Radio Times: 'I thought they were canning Whites because they had me doing another show. I asked, "Is that a factor? Can anyone give me a straight answer on that?" If it is a factor, I'd rather quit Qi. Will I get cast as anything else? What if someone wanted to cast me as a serial killer, and I'd be perfect for it? Totally bizarre. I nearly quit Qi over it. I'm still quite upset about it, and it's nearly three years ago.'
Pixie Lott is to make her TV acting début in BBC1's Inspector George Gently. Because, seemingly, we haven't got enough real actors in this country. The 1960s detective drama - starring Martin Shaw - will start shooting a new episode next month in Durham. Lott will play Megan, an 'entertainer' at the Blue Bird Holiday Camp in 1969. The singer previously made her feature film début in 2010, appearing in big-screen comedy Fred: The Movie. 
'I love the fact that Inspector George Gently is a period drama set in the sixties and I can't wait to play the role of Megan,' said Lott, proving that she can walk in a straight line and talk at the same time, something many of us had, frankly, doubted. 'It will be great to be filming in the North East, and getting to play a role that gives me a real feel for the period.' Series producer Matthew Bird added that the cast and crew were 'delighted' to welcome Lott onto the show. 'Pixie was very excited about joining the cast and we are delighted that Pixie is to make her TV acting début in Inspector George Gently - we know she will bring something very special to the role.' The episode, written by Jess Williams, will see Gently and his partner Sergeant Bacchus (the excellent Lee Ingleby) visit a holiday camp when one of its entertainers is found washed up dead.
It seems to be something of a regular feature of the current series of MasterChef that the producers go out of their way with their editorial choices to introduce someone each episode who is so instantly dislikeable that the audience spend the next hour desperately hoping that they fall flat on their - collective - face. Into a custard pie. Which, they usually do. It's happened three weeks running now, the opening interview always seeming to include at least one contestant bigging themselves up as, like, the next Michel Roux. And, as sure as you can't make and omelette without breaking eggs, they're invariably the ones who will have an utter disaster in the invention and palate tests and get sent home to a soundtrack of guffaws from the four million viewers. Case in point this Wednesday, we had sales manager Sophie. 
Oh, full-of-herself, so she was. She appeared, frankly, to think she was it. 'I'm an Aries, we're head strong, we get what they want,' Sophie claimed. 'I will get what I want.' Well, the audience certainly did even if she didn't. Having claimed that she could handle pressure due to her highly pressurised job and that she is 'constantly tasting' when cooking, she came up possibly the classic one-liner for anyone that is about to make a fool of themselves on a cookery show on national TV. 'I live, eat and drink food.' Yeah, okay, but as for cooking it? Nah, not so much. It was at around this point that she presented to John and Gregg a lamb and lentil dish with so much lethal chilli powder in it that yer man Tordoe's eyes were, visibly, watering. 'It's got a lot of chilli powder in there, Sophie,' he rasped, in a barely audible choke. '[It's] literally stripping the back of my throat. As for the rest of my mouth, I can't taste much any more, it's all gone.' Sophie giggled. 'That is ferocious,' added Gregg Wallace, noting that, aside from the amount of chilli therein, the lentils weren't, actually, cooked enough. 'I wasn't very happy that I used too much spice in my dish,' Sophie confessed. So, what did she do in the palate test when attempting to recreate John's meatballs? Oh look, here comes the chilli again. You can probably guess the outcome, dear blog reader. What a fantastic guilty pleasure of a show this is!
BBC1 won the primetime ratings battle, with MasterChef cooking up 4.87 million punters at 8pm and Margaret Mountford's excellent Pompeii documentary reaching 4.92m at 9pm. A figure which, frankly, somewhat restores ones faith that the viewing public as not complete brainless tits, somewhat.
On BBC2, The Great British Menu attracted 1.74m at 7pm, A Very British Wedding had an audience of 1.29m at 8pm and Terry Pratchett: Facing Extinction had seven hundred and seventy one thousand punters at 9pm. ITV's Wednesday night line-up still continues to limp along like old wounded dog that needs putting out of its misery with Wee Shughie McFee, the sour-faced Scottish chef off Crossroads's risibly appalling Food Glorious Food only bringing 2.53m at 8pm, and the flop drama series Lightfields being watched by 3.29m at 9pm. One Born Every Minute was Channel Four's highlight of the night with 1.98m. Channel Five's evening included Rolf's Animal Clinic, watched by 1.02m at 8pm and the popular NCIS, which drew 1.46m at 9pm. BBC4 secured a sizeable audience for Secret Knowledge, which had an audience of seven hundred and forty nine thousand 8pm.
The BBC has postponed an episode of Panorama and suspended one of its producers over allegations a security consultant was bribed for information. The programme was said to be an investigation into a company developing luxury homes in the Caribbean. The Times claimed that producer from the current affairs show e-mailed a security consultant and apparently suggested the BBC may offer him work for information. The BBC said disciplinary procedures were under way. The Panorama documentary, due to be broadcast last Monday, was described in the Radio Times as 'an investigation into financial scandals that could wipe out people's life savings.'
The Times alleged that one of the programme's producers e-mailed a security consultant at a firm allegedly involved, Harlequin, via the professional networking website Linked In and apparently suggested that in return for confidential information about the company the BBC may offer him work. According to its own guidelines, the BBC has a 'zero-tolerance' approach to any suggestion of bribery and a commitment to acting professionally and with integrity in all its business dealings. The BBC said in a statement: 'In light of information received late in the production process of this film, the BBC decided to postpone broadcast. We are currently reviewing the facts. As a result a member of the team has been suspended and a disciplinary procedure is under way.'
Ant and/or Dec have revealed that they are in 'early talks' about taking their hit ITV entertainment show Saturday Night Takeaway to the US. The duo's fortunes are currently booming in Britain with Takeaway's tenth series surging in the ratings and yet another victory at the National Television Awards. Not to mention they get a pretty tasty discount at Morrison's these days as well. The pair also look likely to secure their first ever number one single with their 1990s 45, 'Let's Get Ready To Rhumble', on course for the top spot this weekend after a performance of the song on Takeaway. Watch us wreck the mic. Psyche. Ant and/or Dec previously attempted to break America in 2009 when they launched the game show Wanna Bet? on ABC. However, the show was cancelled after six episodes due to poor ratings.
The curiously orange Christine Bleakley has reportedly fired her manager to 'help improve her TV career.' Although, oddly, she doesn't appear to have taken the most obvious step to improve her TV career on 'not being shite.' The Twatting About On Ice co-host is said to have quit the management company Avalon in order to sign up with James Grant, who also manages the likes of Twatting About On Ice co-host Phillip Schofield, Ant and/or Dec, Holly Willoughby and Davina McCall. Christ, imagine getting all that lot together in one room. That would be a meeting of minds, and no mistake. It is the second time that Bleakley has departed from her manager in three years, having previously fired John Noel in 2010 after leaving the BBC for ITV. Noel reportedly advised her not to leave the BBC, advice which Bleakley did not take. And my, hasn't her career simply blossomed since? Bleakley's latest move is said to have been made in order to 'find more work', having only appeared on a small number of - almost universal flop - shows since being deliciously sacked from Daybreak, reports the Mirra.
'Since moving to ITV there is a feeling that she hasn't fulfilled her potential and could be doing more shows,' an alleged 'source' allegedly said. 'Many of their biggest and best stars are on the books with James Grant and so Christine wants to join them. They turned around Davina McCall's career when she was struggling a bit after Big Brother and the feeling is they can "do a Davina" with Christine and get her back on TV more often and in better shows. Since she was axed from Daybreak she has not spent enough time on-screen.' Bleakley's so-called golden-handcuffs deal with ITV reportedly comes to an end in June. ITV is said to be considering the futures of Bleakley, grumpy Adrian Chiles and Jonathan Ross, a trio of odious greed buckets (and drags) who made the move from the BBC in the expectation that riches beyond the dreams of avarice would simply fall at their feet. An alleged ITV 'insider' allegedly told the Daily Lies: 'It is fair to say that we paid top dollar for Jonathan, Christine and Adrian and, to be frank, they haven't delivered the ratings we had hoped and expected. Any new deal they might be offered would be on greatly reduced terms.' Bleakley was recently rumoured to be planning a move to America with her fiancé, the soon to be former Moscow Chelski FC midfielder Frank Lampard.
A former prison worker and two ex-policemen have been jailed for selling information to newspapers in separate cases at the Old Bailey. Firstly, a former Surrey Police officer was jailed for ten months for extreme naughtiness in selling information to the Sun. Alan Tierney, forty, sold details about the footballer John Terry's mother and mother-in-law and the Rolling Stone Rockin' Ronnie Wood. Tierney, of Hayling Island, appearing up a'fore the beak at the Bailey, admitting two counts of 'gross misconduct in a public office', dating back to 2009, earlier this month. Mr Justice Fulford said that Tierney's offences had been 'a disgraceful way for a police officer to act.' Tierney was charged as part of the Operation Elveden inquiry into corrupt payments made by journalists to police officers and other public officials, in return for information. He passed on details about two stories, the first of which was about Sue Terry and Sue Poole, the mother and mother-in-law respectively of Moscow Chelski FC captain John Terry, who had been cautioned for shoplifting. 
The other was about The Rolling Stones guitarist Rockin' Ronnie Wood, who was cautioned for assault after an incident involving his then girlfriend, Ekaterina Ivanova. Tierney's defence team, addressing the hearing, claimed that he had 'suffered a collapse of his mental health' since his arrest and had tried to commit suicide. The court was told Tierney had lost his wife, family and reputation as a result of his actions. The judge said it was 'wholly against the public interest for those who hold public office cynically to profit out of the misery or unfortunate circumstances of those for whom they are responsible.' The court was told Tierney had sold the name and address of a witness to the Wood incident. 'The most serious aspect of the two offences is that, in relation to count two, the defendant provided the name and, most significantly, the address of the witness,' said Mr Justice Fulford. The judge went on: 'The fact that the individual coincidentally tried to sell the story to another newspaper is neither here nor there in terms of what this defendant had in mind. Put bluntly, it could easily have led to that witness withdrawing all co-operation as regards being a witness.' Tierney is the second police officer to be extremely convicted under Operation Elveden, following the case of ex-counter-terrorism detective April Casburn. She was very much jailed for fifteen months after offering to sell information to the Scum of the World after the inquiry into hacking by the tabloid reopened in 2010.
Hardly had Tierney been hauled off to E-Wing before another naughty seller of secret information to the Sun, a former prison worker, joined Tierney at Her Majesty's Pleasure. Richard Trunkfield, thirty one, who worked at Woodhill prison near Milton Keynes, was jailed for sixteen months for passing on details about one of James Bulger's killers, Jon Venables. Justice Fulford, who passed sentence on both men in separate hearings, said: 'This country has long prided itself on the integrity of its public officials and cynical acts of betrayal of that high standard have a profoundly corrosive effect.' Trunkfield had earlier pleaded guilty to 'misconduct in a public office' between 2 March and 30 April 2010. The court heard that he was 'struggling with debt' at the time he sold the information, and had cared for his mother while she was suffering from cancer in 2008 and 2009. Legal restrictions meant it could not initially be reported that the prisoner involved was Venables, however Trunkfield - from Moulton, Northamptonshire - has since resigned from Woodhill prison and Venables is no longer being held there. meaning that reporting restrictions were lifted. Venables and his accomplice, Robert Thompson, were ten years old when they abducted two-year-old James in Bootle, in February 1993 before torturing and murdering him.
Subsequently, at the same court, a former police officer was also jailed for two years for selling information to a newspaper in an act that was described as 'utterly reprehensible' by the judge. The court heard that the officer had started supplying information to the newspaper, which apparently cannot be named for legal reasons, within a year of joining the police force and had received a sum which amounted to 'less than ten thousand pounds.'
The former officer, who also cannot be named for legal reasons, pleaded guilty to 'conspiring to commit misconduct in a public office' earlier this month. 'In my judgment this defendant was utterly indifferent as to whether his actions would harm particular police investigations and the course of justice, and overall he did not care what effect his activities would have on the victims,' said Mr Justice Fulford. 'The attitude revealed in the communication between the defendants and the reporter demonstrated an approach to the individuals who were in his care and for whom he had responsibility that was utterly reprehensible,' he added. Fulford said that what the former officer did had a 'corrosive effect' on public trust in the police. He added that the offence warranted a sentence of three years, but because of the former officer's early guilty plea he was reducing the sentence by a third.
Sir Norman Bettison would have a 'case to answer for gross misconduct' for actions following the publication of The Hillsborough Report if he was still a serving officer, the IPCC has found. The Independent Police Complaints Commission found the former chief constable 'attempted to manipulate the public perception.' The watchdog concluded that Bettison had 'a case to answer' for 'discreditable conduct and abuse of authority.' He resigned last year. Deborah Glass, deputy chair of the IPCC, said: 'It was the IPCC's view at the start of the investigation, as it was the view of his Police Authority, that Sir Norman's actions, if proven, fell so far short of what is expected of a chief constable that dismissal would be justified.
The evidence uncovered during the investigation supports that view. While we cannot bring this case to misconduct proceedings, we can publish the evidence and our conclusions, so that the public can judge for themselves.' The investigation related to the period following the publication of the Hillsborough Independent Panel's report, which laid bare odious and disgraceful police attempts to shift the blame for the tragedy from themselves to the victims. While serving with the South Yorkshire force, Bettison was a key figure in compiling its report into how it handled the aftermath of the tragedy. A separate IPCC investigation into his conduct at that time is ongoing but Bettison has always denied being involved in any 'cover-up.' Last autumn, following his resignation as chief constable, the West Yorkshire Police Authority asked the IPCC to investigate whether he had tried to interfere with its inquiries into his role at Hillsborough. The IPCC report concluded that while he had not tried to prevent the referral from happening he had 'attempted to manipulate the public perception of the referral process for his own self-interest.' When he resigned last October, five months before his scheduled retirement, Bettison said he would co-operate fully with the IPCC investigations.
On 16 September last year - while the Leveson Inquiry was sitting - the Sunday People published an - even by their own standards, spectacularly nasty and lightweight - article about the actor Roger Moore headlined I've had more women than James Bond. It - allegedly - quoted Roge as using those exact words and quite a bit more besides, which was odd because he, actually, did not give an interview to the paper. The People's story was, quickly, picked up by that noted Fleet Street jackdaw, the Daily Scum Mail, and repeated almost word for word. It goes without saying that Roger did not speak to the Scum Mail either and the paper obviously didn't check on the story's veracity. Or, as it happened, lack of it. Roger did not use the services of the Press Complaints Commission to complain to the newspapers in question, preferring to pursue them through his lawyers. The upside of this, of course, was that he could obtain substantial damages. The downside, however, is that this is a slower process than the PCC. Thus, it wasn't until 20 January, four months after the offending article was published, that the People carried a - thoroughly grovelling - apology in which it admitted having 'claimed' that Moore had spoken 'to our journalist about his private life.' It continued: 'We now accept that Sir Roger did not give an interview to our reporter and did not make the comments that were reported in the headline. We apologise for any distress and embarrassment our article has caused to Sir Roger Moore and we have agreed to pay him damages and legal costs.' So, in other words, the reporter lied. However, the Scum Mail, repeater of a false story, held out until this week - nearly seven months after printing its odious lies - before, belatedly, apologising for its error: 'An article on September 17 (I've had more lovers than 007) included comments attributed to Sir Roger Moore by a Sunday newspaper about his private life. That newspaper has now accepted its report did not accurately reflect a conversation with Sir Roger Moore and he did not make the comments it reported. We apologise for any distress and embarrassment caused.' Note the particularly weasel choice words - 'did not accurately reflect a conversation.' What conversation? One that never took place? The People had admitted that Moore didn't give an interview to its reporter. Note, also, no mention of damages and payment for costs. If any dear blog reader wants a measure of the 'distress and embarrassment caused' just Google the People's headline. The story has been repeated around the world, as the New Statesman found when doing some checking of its own. Some have since been taken down, but, for instance, the story is still up on many websites, including that of The Times of India. So, why does the Daily Scum Mail take longer than most to say sorry? Apart from the fact that those running the paper are thuggish jack-booted bullyboys, of course. The straightforward answer is that it's part of the scummy right-wing paper's internal culture. The Scum Mail is the most reluctant newspaper in Britain to apologise, correct and clarify. It is given to testing the validity of any complaint, spending time and resources in order to see whether it can find any possible grounds to reject such a complaint. It intensely dislikes putting its hands up. And, as you will have noted above, it takes pains with the wording of apologies in order to suggest it is not as culpable as the complainant might suggest.
The BBC is to stop providing radio news to Sri Lanka's state broadcaster because of 'continued interruption and interference' in its Tamil programming. Both English language and Tamil services broadcast via the Sri Lanka Broadcasting Corporation have been stopped with immediate effect. The BBC took similar action in 2009 when its services were also disrupted. Audiences in Sri Lanka can continue to listen to the BBC on shortwave and via its online services.
The Sri Lankan authorities have not so far commented on the announcement. BBC World Service Director Peter Horrocks announced the suspension on Tuesday. 'We regret the disruption in service to our loyal audiences in Sri Lanka, but such targeted interference in our programmes is a serious breach of trust with those audiences, which the BBC cannot allow,' he said. 'We spoke to SLBC last week about interference that took place on 16 to 18 March and warned them they were in breach of their broadcasting agreement. Further disruption on Monday 25 March has left the BBC with no alternative but to suspend the service with immediate effect.' Horrocks said that if the SLBC had specific complaints about any BBC output 'they should take them up with us, as we have invited them to do, and not interfere directly with broadcasts in ways that are unacceptable to the BBC and misleading to our audiences.'
A controversial American reality series, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, will be shown in the UK on new entertainment channel TLC. Discovery Networks International will launch TLC in Britain and Ireland on Tuesday 30 April and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo will be among the 'exclusive content' premiering on the channel. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was a hit in the US - then again, so was The Dukes of Hazzard so that's not, exactly, a ringing endorsement - but was strongly attacked by some critics, who accused the show of 'exploiting' its central star, seven-year-old beauty pageant contestant Alana Thompson. One critic described the show as a 'horror story posing as a reality television programme.'
TLC's other content will include another US ratings hit Breaking Amish, which follows the lives of five young Amish/Mennonite men and women who move to New York, and Oprah Winfrey's Oprah's Next Chapter. UK commissions include fashion series Ultimate Shopper, which will feature Holly Valance, Brix Smith Start and Paul Hartnett as judges (Christ almighty, that's gonna be another meeting of minds), Lisa Snowdon makeover show Your Style in His Hands and Dawn Porter's documentary Undercover Mums. The producers of Embarrassing Bodies will also be launching two new shows on the channel, My Naked Secret and Last Chance Salon. 'TLC is a unique entertainment channel that brings together a huge range of characters from the UK and US. It is full of stories that will get people talking and we hope it will become part of the rich and varied TV culture in the UK,' said Discovery Networks UK SVP and General Manager Susanna Dinnage.
Huge Bonneville has revealed that he would 'consider' a move to EastEnders when Downton Abbey comes to an end. The actor, famous for his role as the Earl of Grantham, made a brief cameo appearance in the BBC soap in 1995 when he played a headmaster for a single episode. Speaking to the Mirra, he said: 'I might go back. I am a jobbing actor and I will take whatever comes along, thank you very much. I would never say "never." The actors who work in soaps are the hardest-working actors. The amount of material they have to learn is so much. It's phenomenal.' Bonneville's comments come after Downton writer Lord Snooty his very self cast doubt over the show's long-term future after revealing that he is writing a new drama series called The Gilded Age, which he hopes will be picked up by American network NBC. 'I honestly don't know how long Julian can go on with Downton – I don't know if there will be a fifth series,' Bonneville added. 'I am sure the money men would like it to go on forever and ever because it does sell extremely well around the world. I hope Julian quits while he is ahead but he is a wise soul.'
The Rolling Stones have been named as one of the three headline acts for the Glastonbury Festival 2013. It will be the first time The Stones have played at the festival at Worthy Farm in Somerset, which will draw about one hundred and thirty five thousand punters.
The other headline acts at the festival, taking place on the final weekend of June, are posh public schoolboys Mumford and Sons and The Arctic Monkeys. The Stones will be performing on the Saturday night. Yer actual Sir Mick Jagger tweeted: 'Can't wait to play Glastonbury. I have my wellies and my yurt!' Glastonbury was not held last year because of the Olympics and to allow the farmland to recover from the previous festival. The full line-up, announced on the official website includes Primal Scream, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds and Elvis Costello, with chart acts such as Professor Green and Dizzee Rascal also appearing. Surprises include country star Kenny Rogers, who is among the figures playing the Pyramid Stage. This year's Glastonbury is already a sell-out but there will be some re-sales next month.
Which brings us, rather nicely, to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. And, to one of the bands which will be featured in a muddy field in Somerset come mid-June. Sing, Nicholas.
Matt responded to the description of the TARDIS as 'the snog box' by saying: '[It] gives him a fright and irritates him hugely I think because the idea of snogging in it is just redundant.' And on the subject of any potential romance between the two characters, he added: 'Perhaps, you'll have to wait and see - God knows how he'd react to romance, The Doctor - or my Doctor, anyway.' When asked about The Doctor's greatest secret, which Steven Moffat promises to reveal in the series finale in May, Jenna-Louise would only said: 'It's huge finale episode, it's a great build up into the fiftieth. It's a homage to the last fifty years, it's pretty epic.' Speaking about the fiftieth anniversary special itself, Smudger said: 'It's a thrill and a privilege, and I think it's going to be the biggest and best year and the most momentous occasion - we hope - in the show's history. I've read the script and it balances looking back and forward in a glorious way. I've become a fan of the show, in the same way as when you watch it there's that, and there's that, and there's this and there's that.' Yer actual Alan Davies claims that he has 'solved' the mysterious cliffhanger ending to series two of BBC1 drama Sherlock thanks to a plot in his own detective series, Jonathan Creek. Davies said that a twist in the 1998 Jonathan Creek episode The Problem at Gallows Gate revealed a potential explanation for how Benedict Cumberbatch's character survived his leap off the top of a tall building onto an extremely concrete pavement beneath. 'I know how he got away with it, but I'm not telling you,' boasted the actor.
'We did a similar thing in Jonathan Creek when someone jumped off a roof at a party - that's all I'm saying.' In The Problem at Gallows Gate, a character faked their own death using accomplices and a grass-covered trapdoor with a net underneath. Explaining how it happened in the episode, Davies's character said: 'Everyone saw him but nobody saw him land. There was a gap of maybe seven or eight seconds, which is when they did the clever bit. He needed at least two accomplices: one up top, one below. Leaping off a second floor balcony's no big deal if there's something to catch you at the bottom - if you've dug yourself a big hole with a tightly-sprung net inside, [and] rigged up a camouflage frame covered in turf which slides across.'Davies also revealed that he had threatened to quit Qi over the BBC's decision to axe his - really not very good at all - sitcom Whites. Which, as with most things that get cancelled, was cancelled because it was shite and no one was watching it. That's the way of the world, matey. He said that he is 'still annoyed' by the cancellation of the show, in which he played a chef at an exclusive country hotel. Look, let it go, Al! Nobody else seemed to think it was the comedy masterpiece that you, clearly, did. And, I say that not as a professional comedy writer or, indeed as a TV critic but, rather, as a viewer and licence fee payer. You know, one of 'the little people' who pay your wages. Davies told this week's Radio Times: 'I thought they were canning Whites because they had me doing another show. I asked, "Is that a factor? Can anyone give me a straight answer on that?" If it is a factor, I'd rather quit Qi. Will I get cast as anything else? What if someone wanted to cast me as a serial killer, and I'd be perfect for it? Totally bizarre. I nearly quit Qi over it. I'm still quite upset about it, and it's nearly three years ago.'
'I love the fact that Inspector George Gently is a period drama set in the sixties and I can't wait to play the role of Megan,' said Lott, proving that she can walk in a straight line and talk at the same time, something many of us had, frankly, doubted. 'It will be great to be filming in the North East, and getting to play a role that gives me a real feel for the period.' Series producer Matthew Bird added that the cast and crew were 'delighted' to welcome Lott onto the show. 'Pixie was very excited about joining the cast and we are delighted that Pixie is to make her TV acting début in Inspector George Gently - we know she will bring something very special to the role.' The episode, written by Jess Williams, will see Gently and his partner Sergeant Bacchus (the excellent Lee Ingleby) visit a holiday camp when one of its entertainers is found washed up dead.
Oh, full-of-herself, so she was. She appeared, frankly, to think she was it. 'I'm an Aries, we're head strong, we get what they want,' Sophie claimed. 'I will get what I want.' Well, the audience certainly did even if she didn't. Having claimed that she could handle pressure due to her highly pressurised job and that she is 'constantly tasting' when cooking, she came up possibly the classic one-liner for anyone that is about to make a fool of themselves on a cookery show on national TV. 'I live, eat and drink food.' Yeah, okay, but as for cooking it? Nah, not so much. It was at around this point that she presented to John and Gregg a lamb and lentil dish with so much lethal chilli powder in it that yer man Tordoe's eyes were, visibly, watering. 'It's got a lot of chilli powder in there, Sophie,' he rasped, in a barely audible choke. '[It's] literally stripping the back of my throat. As for the rest of my mouth, I can't taste much any more, it's all gone.' Sophie giggled. 'That is ferocious,' added Gregg Wallace, noting that, aside from the amount of chilli therein, the lentils weren't, actually, cooked enough. 'I wasn't very happy that I used too much spice in my dish,' Sophie confessed. So, what did she do in the palate test when attempting to recreate John's meatballs? Oh look, here comes the chilli again. You can probably guess the outcome, dear blog reader. What a fantastic guilty pleasure of a show this is!BBC1 won the primetime ratings battle, with MasterChef cooking up 4.87 million punters at 8pm and Margaret Mountford's excellent Pompeii documentary reaching 4.92m at 9pm. A figure which, frankly, somewhat restores ones faith that the viewing public as not complete brainless tits, somewhat.
On BBC2, The Great British Menu attracted 1.74m at 7pm, A Very British Wedding had an audience of 1.29m at 8pm and Terry Pratchett: Facing Extinction had seven hundred and seventy one thousand punters at 9pm. ITV's Wednesday night line-up still continues to limp along like old wounded dog that needs putting out of its misery with Wee Shughie McFee, the sour-faced Scottish chef off Crossroads's risibly appalling Food Glorious Food only bringing 2.53m at 8pm, and the flop drama series Lightfields being watched by 3.29m at 9pm. One Born Every Minute was Channel Four's highlight of the night with 1.98m. Channel Five's evening included Rolf's Animal Clinic, watched by 1.02m at 8pm and the popular NCIS, which drew 1.46m at 9pm. BBC4 secured a sizeable audience for Secret Knowledge, which had an audience of seven hundred and forty nine thousand 8pm.The BBC has postponed an episode of Panorama and suspended one of its producers over allegations a security consultant was bribed for information. The programme was said to be an investigation into a company developing luxury homes in the Caribbean. The Times claimed that producer from the current affairs show e-mailed a security consultant and apparently suggested the BBC may offer him work for information. The BBC said disciplinary procedures were under way. The Panorama documentary, due to be broadcast last Monday, was described in the Radio Times as 'an investigation into financial scandals that could wipe out people's life savings.'
The Times alleged that one of the programme's producers e-mailed a security consultant at a firm allegedly involved, Harlequin, via the professional networking website Linked In and apparently suggested that in return for confidential information about the company the BBC may offer him work. According to its own guidelines, the BBC has a 'zero-tolerance' approach to any suggestion of bribery and a commitment to acting professionally and with integrity in all its business dealings. The BBC said in a statement: 'In light of information received late in the production process of this film, the BBC decided to postpone broadcast. We are currently reviewing the facts. As a result a member of the team has been suspended and a disciplinary procedure is under way.'Ant and/or Dec have revealed that they are in 'early talks' about taking their hit ITV entertainment show Saturday Night Takeaway to the US. The duo's fortunes are currently booming in Britain with Takeaway's tenth series surging in the ratings and yet another victory at the National Television Awards. Not to mention they get a pretty tasty discount at Morrison's these days as well. The pair also look likely to secure their first ever number one single with their 1990s 45, 'Let's Get Ready To Rhumble', on course for the top spot this weekend after a performance of the song on Takeaway. Watch us wreck the mic. Psyche. Ant and/or Dec previously attempted to break America in 2009 when they launched the game show Wanna Bet? on ABC. However, the show was cancelled after six episodes due to poor ratings.
The curiously orange Christine Bleakley has reportedly fired her manager to 'help improve her TV career.' Although, oddly, she doesn't appear to have taken the most obvious step to improve her TV career on 'not being shite.' The Twatting About On Ice co-host is said to have quit the management company Avalon in order to sign up with James Grant, who also manages the likes of Twatting About On Ice co-host Phillip Schofield, Ant and/or Dec, Holly Willoughby and Davina McCall. Christ, imagine getting all that lot together in one room. That would be a meeting of minds, and no mistake. It is the second time that Bleakley has departed from her manager in three years, having previously fired John Noel in 2010 after leaving the BBC for ITV. Noel reportedly advised her not to leave the BBC, advice which Bleakley did not take. And my, hasn't her career simply blossomed since? Bleakley's latest move is said to have been made in order to 'find more work', having only appeared on a small number of - almost universal flop - shows since being deliciously sacked from Daybreak, reports the Mirra.
'Since moving to ITV there is a feeling that she hasn't fulfilled her potential and could be doing more shows,' an alleged 'source' allegedly said. 'Many of their biggest and best stars are on the books with James Grant and so Christine wants to join them. They turned around Davina McCall's career when she was struggling a bit after Big Brother and the feeling is they can "do a Davina" with Christine and get her back on TV more often and in better shows. Since she was axed from Daybreak she has not spent enough time on-screen.' Bleakley's so-called golden-handcuffs deal with ITV reportedly comes to an end in June. ITV is said to be considering the futures of Bleakley, grumpy Adrian Chiles and Jonathan Ross, a trio of odious greed buckets (and drags) who made the move from the BBC in the expectation that riches beyond the dreams of avarice would simply fall at their feet. An alleged ITV 'insider' allegedly told the Daily Lies: 'It is fair to say that we paid top dollar for Jonathan, Christine and Adrian and, to be frank, they haven't delivered the ratings we had hoped and expected. Any new deal they might be offered would be on greatly reduced terms.' Bleakley was recently rumoured to be planning a move to America with her fiancé, the soon to be former Moscow Chelski FC midfielder Frank Lampard.
The other was about The Rolling Stones guitarist Rockin' Ronnie Wood, who was cautioned for assault after an incident involving his then girlfriend, Ekaterina Ivanova. Tierney's defence team, addressing the hearing, claimed that he had 'suffered a collapse of his mental health' since his arrest and had tried to commit suicide. The court was told Tierney had lost his wife, family and reputation as a result of his actions. The judge said it was 'wholly against the public interest for those who hold public office cynically to profit out of the misery or unfortunate circumstances of those for whom they are responsible.' The court was told Tierney had sold the name and address of a witness to the Wood incident. 'The most serious aspect of the two offences is that, in relation to count two, the defendant provided the name and, most significantly, the address of the witness,' said Mr Justice Fulford. The judge went on: 'The fact that the individual coincidentally tried to sell the story to another newspaper is neither here nor there in terms of what this defendant had in mind. Put bluntly, it could easily have led to that witness withdrawing all co-operation as regards being a witness.' Tierney is the second police officer to be extremely convicted under Operation Elveden, following the case of ex-counter-terrorism detective April Casburn. She was very much jailed for fifteen months after offering to sell information to the Scum of the World after the inquiry into hacking by the tabloid reopened in 2010. Hardly had Tierney been hauled off to E-Wing before another naughty seller of secret information to the Sun, a former prison worker, joined Tierney at Her Majesty's Pleasure. Richard Trunkfield, thirty one, who worked at Woodhill prison near Milton Keynes, was jailed for sixteen months for passing on details about one of James Bulger's killers, Jon Venables. Justice Fulford, who passed sentence on both men in separate hearings, said: 'This country has long prided itself on the integrity of its public officials and cynical acts of betrayal of that high standard have a profoundly corrosive effect.' Trunkfield had earlier pleaded guilty to 'misconduct in a public office' between 2 March and 30 April 2010. The court heard that he was 'struggling with debt' at the time he sold the information, and had cared for his mother while she was suffering from cancer in 2008 and 2009. Legal restrictions meant it could not initially be reported that the prisoner involved was Venables, however Trunkfield - from Moulton, Northamptonshire - has since resigned from Woodhill prison and Venables is no longer being held there. meaning that reporting restrictions were lifted. Venables and his accomplice, Robert Thompson, were ten years old when they abducted two-year-old James in Bootle, in February 1993 before torturing and murdering him.
Subsequently, at the same court, a former police officer was also jailed for two years for selling information to a newspaper in an act that was described as 'utterly reprehensible' by the judge. The court heard that the officer had started supplying information to the newspaper, which apparently cannot be named for legal reasons, within a year of joining the police force and had received a sum which amounted to 'less than ten thousand pounds.'
The former officer, who also cannot be named for legal reasons, pleaded guilty to 'conspiring to commit misconduct in a public office' earlier this month. 'In my judgment this defendant was utterly indifferent as to whether his actions would harm particular police investigations and the course of justice, and overall he did not care what effect his activities would have on the victims,' said Mr Justice Fulford. 'The attitude revealed in the communication between the defendants and the reporter demonstrated an approach to the individuals who were in his care and for whom he had responsibility that was utterly reprehensible,' he added. Fulford said that what the former officer did had a 'corrosive effect' on public trust in the police. He added that the offence warranted a sentence of three years, but because of the former officer's early guilty plea he was reducing the sentence by a third.Sir Norman Bettison would have a 'case to answer for gross misconduct' for actions following the publication of The Hillsborough Report if he was still a serving officer, the IPCC has found. The Independent Police Complaints Commission found the former chief constable 'attempted to manipulate the public perception.' The watchdog concluded that Bettison had 'a case to answer' for 'discreditable conduct and abuse of authority.' He resigned last year. Deborah Glass, deputy chair of the IPCC, said: 'It was the IPCC's view at the start of the investigation, as it was the view of his Police Authority, that Sir Norman's actions, if proven, fell so far short of what is expected of a chief constable that dismissal would be justified.
The evidence uncovered during the investigation supports that view. While we cannot bring this case to misconduct proceedings, we can publish the evidence and our conclusions, so that the public can judge for themselves.' The investigation related to the period following the publication of the Hillsborough Independent Panel's report, which laid bare odious and disgraceful police attempts to shift the blame for the tragedy from themselves to the victims. While serving with the South Yorkshire force, Bettison was a key figure in compiling its report into how it handled the aftermath of the tragedy. A separate IPCC investigation into his conduct at that time is ongoing but Bettison has always denied being involved in any 'cover-up.' Last autumn, following his resignation as chief constable, the West Yorkshire Police Authority asked the IPCC to investigate whether he had tried to interfere with its inquiries into his role at Hillsborough. The IPCC report concluded that while he had not tried to prevent the referral from happening he had 'attempted to manipulate the public perception of the referral process for his own self-interest.' When he resigned last October, five months before his scheduled retirement, Bettison said he would co-operate fully with the IPCC investigations.On 16 September last year - while the Leveson Inquiry was sitting - the Sunday People published an - even by their own standards, spectacularly nasty and lightweight - article about the actor Roger Moore headlined I've had more women than James Bond. It - allegedly - quoted Roge as using those exact words and quite a bit more besides, which was odd because he, actually, did not give an interview to the paper. The People's story was, quickly, picked up by that noted Fleet Street jackdaw, the Daily Scum Mail, and repeated almost word for word. It goes without saying that Roger did not speak to the Scum Mail either and the paper obviously didn't check on the story's veracity. Or, as it happened, lack of it. Roger did not use the services of the Press Complaints Commission to complain to the newspapers in question, preferring to pursue them through his lawyers. The upside of this, of course, was that he could obtain substantial damages. The downside, however, is that this is a slower process than the PCC. Thus, it wasn't until 20 January, four months after the offending article was published, that the People carried a - thoroughly grovelling - apology in which it admitted having 'claimed' that Moore had spoken 'to our journalist about his private life.' It continued: 'We now accept that Sir Roger did not give an interview to our reporter and did not make the comments that were reported in the headline. We apologise for any distress and embarrassment our article has caused to Sir Roger Moore and we have agreed to pay him damages and legal costs.' So, in other words, the reporter lied. However, the Scum Mail, repeater of a false story, held out until this week - nearly seven months after printing its odious lies - before, belatedly, apologising for its error: 'An article on September 17 (I've had more lovers than 007) included comments attributed to Sir Roger Moore by a Sunday newspaper about his private life. That newspaper has now accepted its report did not accurately reflect a conversation with Sir Roger Moore and he did not make the comments it reported. We apologise for any distress and embarrassment caused.' Note the particularly weasel choice words - 'did not accurately reflect a conversation.' What conversation? One that never took place? The People had admitted that Moore didn't give an interview to its reporter. Note, also, no mention of damages and payment for costs. If any dear blog reader wants a measure of the 'distress and embarrassment caused' just Google the People's headline. The story has been repeated around the world, as the New Statesman found when doing some checking of its own. Some have since been taken down, but, for instance, the story is still up on many websites, including that of The Times of India. So, why does the Daily Scum Mail take longer than most to say sorry? Apart from the fact that those running the paper are thuggish jack-booted bullyboys, of course. The straightforward answer is that it's part of the scummy right-wing paper's internal culture. The Scum Mail is the most reluctant newspaper in Britain to apologise, correct and clarify. It is given to testing the validity of any complaint, spending time and resources in order to see whether it can find any possible grounds to reject such a complaint. It intensely dislikes putting its hands up. And, as you will have noted above, it takes pains with the wording of apologies in order to suggest it is not as culpable as the complainant might suggest.
The BBC is to stop providing radio news to Sri Lanka's state broadcaster because of 'continued interruption and interference' in its Tamil programming. Both English language and Tamil services broadcast via the Sri Lanka Broadcasting Corporation have been stopped with immediate effect. The BBC took similar action in 2009 when its services were also disrupted. Audiences in Sri Lanka can continue to listen to the BBC on shortwave and via its online services.
The Sri Lankan authorities have not so far commented on the announcement. BBC World Service Director Peter Horrocks announced the suspension on Tuesday. 'We regret the disruption in service to our loyal audiences in Sri Lanka, but such targeted interference in our programmes is a serious breach of trust with those audiences, which the BBC cannot allow,' he said. 'We spoke to SLBC last week about interference that took place on 16 to 18 March and warned them they were in breach of their broadcasting agreement. Further disruption on Monday 25 March has left the BBC with no alternative but to suspend the service with immediate effect.' Horrocks said that if the SLBC had specific complaints about any BBC output 'they should take them up with us, as we have invited them to do, and not interfere directly with broadcasts in ways that are unacceptable to the BBC and misleading to our audiences.'A controversial American reality series, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, will be shown in the UK on new entertainment channel TLC. Discovery Networks International will launch TLC in Britain and Ireland on Tuesday 30 April and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo will be among the 'exclusive content' premiering on the channel. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was a hit in the US - then again, so was The Dukes of Hazzard so that's not, exactly, a ringing endorsement - but was strongly attacked by some critics, who accused the show of 'exploiting' its central star, seven-year-old beauty pageant contestant Alana Thompson. One critic described the show as a 'horror story posing as a reality television programme.'
TLC's other content will include another US ratings hit Breaking Amish, which follows the lives of five young Amish/Mennonite men and women who move to New York, and Oprah Winfrey's Oprah's Next Chapter. UK commissions include fashion series Ultimate Shopper, which will feature Holly Valance, Brix Smith Start and Paul Hartnett as judges (Christ almighty, that's gonna be another meeting of minds), Lisa Snowdon makeover show Your Style in His Hands and Dawn Porter's documentary Undercover Mums. The producers of Embarrassing Bodies will also be launching two new shows on the channel, My Naked Secret and Last Chance Salon. 'TLC is a unique entertainment channel that brings together a huge range of characters from the UK and US. It is full of stories that will get people talking and we hope it will become part of the rich and varied TV culture in the UK,' said Discovery Networks UK SVP and General Manager Susanna Dinnage.Huge Bonneville has revealed that he would 'consider' a move to EastEnders when Downton Abbey comes to an end. The actor, famous for his role as the Earl of Grantham, made a brief cameo appearance in the BBC soap in 1995 when he played a headmaster for a single episode. Speaking to the Mirra, he said: 'I might go back. I am a jobbing actor and I will take whatever comes along, thank you very much. I would never say "never." The actors who work in soaps are the hardest-working actors. The amount of material they have to learn is so much. It's phenomenal.' Bonneville's comments come after Downton writer Lord Snooty his very self cast doubt over the show's long-term future after revealing that he is writing a new drama series called The Gilded Age, which he hopes will be picked up by American network NBC. 'I honestly don't know how long Julian can go on with Downton – I don't know if there will be a fifth series,' Bonneville added. 'I am sure the money men would like it to go on forever and ever because it does sell extremely well around the world. I hope Julian quits while he is ahead but he is a wise soul.'
The Rolling Stones have been named as one of the three headline acts for the Glastonbury Festival 2013. It will be the first time The Stones have played at the festival at Worthy Farm in Somerset, which will draw about one hundred and thirty five thousand punters.
The other headline acts at the festival, taking place on the final weekend of June, are posh public schoolboys Mumford and Sons and The Arctic Monkeys. The Stones will be performing on the Saturday night. Yer actual Sir Mick Jagger tweeted: 'Can't wait to play Glastonbury. I have my wellies and my yurt!' Glastonbury was not held last year because of the Olympics and to allow the farmland to recover from the previous festival. The full line-up, announced on the official website includes Primal Scream, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds and Elvis Costello, with chart acts such as Professor Green and Dizzee Rascal also appearing. Surprises include country star Kenny Rogers, who is among the figures playing the Pyramid Stage. This year's Glastonbury is already a sell-out but there will be some re-sales next month.Which brings us, rather nicely, to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. And, to one of the bands which will be featured in a muddy field in Somerset come mid-June. Sing, Nicholas.
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