Benedict Cumberbatch his very self has confirmed that a fourth series of Sherlock, at least, is likely to be produced. The actor revealed at the South Bank Show Awards earlier this week that both he and co-star yer actual Martin Freeman have signed up for more episodes according to the Radio Times. 'We've agreed to two more series but I'm probably going to get into trouble for saying that,' said yer man Benny. 'All I know at the moment is I'm doing these three and another three.' 
On the show's future beyond a fourth run, he added: 'It just depends on Martin and I's availability, how long we can keep it going. It depends on Steven's ability. I'd love to keep it going.' Cumberbatch previously stated in June last year that Sherlock could, potentially, continue well beyond its upcoming third series. 'We only do three [episodes] at a time, so I think the normal fear of over-stretching the mark and just doing too many [doesn't apply],' he explained. 'I'd like to see [Sherlock and John] getting older. We're starting quite young. It's rare to see Holmes and Watson at the beginning of their relationship; we usually join them in their mid-to-late forties or fifties. I've got a way to go. I mean, I'm only thirty five.' Production recently commenced on three more Sherlock episodes, with the first read-through taking place in Cardiff on Monday. Filming will begin next week.
Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's great (and, these days not-so-secret) guilty pleasure MasterChef returned to BBC1 on Tuesday evening with an hour-long episode, featuring everything that you'd expect from a new series of MasterChef. But, besides John and Gregg and India, it also included a - fantastically hard - set of opening challenges and two potential superstars the in the making from the first batch of contestants, Emily and Dale.
Former national heart-throb David Tennant's Broadchurch maintained a very healthy audience with 5.78 million on Monday evening for its second episode on ITV. An episode in which yer actual Arthur Darvill actually had more than one line of dialogue this week. Which was nice. An extra six hundred thousand punters watched the episode later on ITV+1. 
The drama's figures were dented slightly by the second part of BBC1's extremely complicated but, fundamentally well-told Shetland, which attracted five million viewers at 9pm. Earlier in the evening Panorama was watched by 2.81 million at 8.30pm, whilst Being Eileen had an overnight audience of 1.96 million at 10.45pm. On BBC2, University Challenge's audience was an excellent 3.01 million at 8pm, while Food and Drink also continued to attract more than decent figures, 2.09 million at 8.30pm. This World pulled in 1.41 million at 9pm. Channel Four's Embarrassing Bodies was watched by 1.84 million at 9pm and Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA drew 1.05 million at 10pm. Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge was seen by eight hundred and sixty thousand punters at 9pm on Channel Five and, as usual, included Robson shouting 'wey, y'bugger!' and 'eeee, it's a whoppa!' at regular intervals. BBC3's unseemly quick-turnaround documentary Oscar Pistorius: What Really Happened? pulled in a big overnight audience none of whom, obviously, were sick voyeurs. Oh no. The Rick Edwards-presented documentary was watched by 1.07 million at 9pm. Only Connect remains popular on BBC4 with nine hundred and thirteen thousand punter watching the Victoria Coren-fronted panel show.
Speaking of Broadchurch, the world's finest TV review, Metro's Keith Watson, had this to say about the second episode: 'Many a murder thriller opens with intrigue, only for its vice-like grip to quickly loosen.
But not so with episode two of Broadchurch (ITV), which cranked up the tension with subtle clues, brief snatches of fresh characters and a sure-footed sense of what pumps the lifeblood in a small community. The fact this story unfolds over eight episodes means there’s room to flesh out the humanity behind the horror. The moving scene where grieving mother Beth (Jodie Whittaker) had a meltdown in her local supermarket may not have moved the plot forward but it was crucial in forging an emotional connection to the story. Broadchurch gives us space to speculate on all sorts of possible chicanery going down behind its respectable façade. Randy vicar? Closeted gay husband? Psychic copper? Everyone is in the frame.' Aye. Spot on. Yer man Watto was on really good form at the start of the week, his review of The History Of Syria With Dan Snow containing the following gem: 'Syrian political specialist professor David Lesch caught the sense of disillusion spot-on. He'd told al-Assad his biggest mistake on taking power was to let slip the fact he was a Phil Collins fan. 
Dodgy, on a number of levels, it led people to believe he'd be a modernising force for change when, in fact, it turned out he was a chip off the old power block.' Indeed. Anyone who admits to liking balding old Tory hasbeen, horrorshow (and drag) Collins must, surely, by all the laws of natural justice be a contender for a war crimes trial at The Hague. The one low spot of Danny Baker's otherwise superb Album Showdown on BBC4 recently (well, apart from Mica Paris not knowing when to shut up and let somebody else speak) was Dan's attempt to convince us that Face Value had any, ahem, value as it were. No, no, no, no no. Not even with Earth, Wind & Fire's horn section on it. Not whilst I've got breath in my body. Did we fight the punk wars for this, ladies and gentlemen?
BBC1's ambitious new drama series The Village could potentially run for forty two episodes and span the entirety of the Twentieth Century, the writer Peter Moffat has revealed. Speaking at a BAFTA screening of his new series, Moffat also said that he hoped The Village would 'correct an imbalance' in period dramas, which focus too much on 'the posh folk.' The Village is an epic new series starring Maxine Peake and John Simm, which will chart the story of one English village from 1914 onwards. 
Moffat said that in its entirety the show could run for over forty episodes episodes if it gets recommissioned by the BBC. 'The second series would pick up straight with the 1920s up until and including the General Strike,' said Moffat. 'It's a unique moment in television. Box set culture has said that long-form serial drama is now really possible. How fantastic is it to say that there's a possibility that you might get to write forty two hours of television about the Twentieth Century of this country. You can't do that at the National. The BBC could and should be like the National Theatre.' Commenting on the focus of period dramas on the wealthy classes, he added: 'I think there's an imbalance. We're more interested in upstairs than we are in downstairs. There's a whole wealth of material that isn't about the posh folk. There's a whole spectrum of class in The Village.'
Comedian Ross Noble's impression of the Elephant Man, John Merrick, during an episode of Have I Got News For You did not breach editorial guidelines, the BBC Trust ruled. A - single - viewer had complained over the joke broadcast in June 2012, saying it was 'gratuitous' and 'offensive.' And let us, once again, just stand back and marvel at the pure crap some people (or, in this case, one person) chose to care about. The Trust did not uphold the complaint and ruled that the comic had not been mocking people with a disability. Not that anyone, apart from this lone numskull appeared to think that he had been. It said the joke was 'on the margins of acceptability.' In the segment, Noble and Have I Got News For You regular, Paul Merton, were joking about an advert in which the actors were speaking with their mouths full. 
Noble joked the actors had trained at 'the John Merrick Academy of Drama' and performed the famous line 'I am not an animal' from the 1980 film The Elephant Man, in a slurred voice. In its ruling, the Trust said that the comic had, clearly, been making reference to the screen portrayal of Merrick by the actor John Hurt in the film rather than stereotyping people with disabilities. As should have been clear to anyone with half a frigging brain in their skull. Although not, seemingly, to one person. 'The root of the comedy lay in the commercial and, as such, was editorially justified and had a clear editorial purpose,' the BBC Trust said. 'The remarks were editorially justified because they referred to the actors in the commercial,' the Trust added. The committee agreed that some (or, to be more precise, one) viewers could be offended, if they were the sort of people who go out of their way looking for something to be offended by. 'The impersonation of John Merrick's speech and physical disability, in particular, was at the margins of acceptability,' they said. Though, given the fact that Mister Merrick himself has been dead for one hundred and thirty odd years, it's probably fair to say that any offence he, personally, felt, was minimal.
Big Brother 'bosses' are, according to the Sun, planning to axe Brian Dowling as host. Although not with an actual axe. Obviously.
Meanwhile, The X Factor's producers (or, 'bosses', if you're reading this in a tabloid) are reportedly deciding whether to use more 'classic' songs in this year's live shows. 'Research' carried out by ITV executives is said to suggest that ratings 'may have dipped' due to the finalists performing 'too many recent chart hits,' reports, again, that bastion of truth and reliable reportage, the Sun. ITV's surveys allegedly discovered that 'using modern songs' did not attract older viewers. Or, it might just be that more and more people are realising that The X Factor is, in fact, a load of old shite. Anything's possible.
Coronation Street actress Michelle Collins has spoken about filming the upcoming Rovers Return fire. The fire which engulfs the pub during one of next week's episodes leaves a number of regulars fighting for their lives. The actress has spoken for the first time about filming the fire scenes in what is billed as 'one of the biggest storylines since the fiftieth anniversary tram crash in 2010.' One of the popular soap's characters will die although who that is has not been revealed by the show's producers. New promotional pictures released this week show Stella and Sunita (Shobna Gulati) in the flame-filled Rovers. 'It was quite frightening. I didn't think it would be as scary as it actually was,' said Collins. 'I tried not to think about it, which was a good idea.'
A 'friend' of the jailed and disgraced former cabinet minister Chris Huhne and his, also jailed and disgraced, ex-wife Vicky Pryce has - ridiculously - claimed that their experience was like 'being in the stocks.' The pair spent their first night in nick - slopping out - on Monday after being jailed for eight months for perverting the course of justice. Liberal Democrat MEP Chris Davies whinged that they 'faced difficulties' from being the 'best-known prisoners in the place.' And? We're supposed to, what? Feel sorry for them? Bollocks to that, matey. They broke the law and then lied about it for a decade afterwards. They deserve everything they get just as all the murderers and bank robbers and people who nick stuff from the local supermarket and gets pinched deserves everything they get. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. Huhne - finally - admitted asking Pryce to take his speeding points in 2003 (after a decade a lying about it) and Pryce was convicted of having agreed to do so. 
Pryce, of course, went to a newspaper with the story after her marriage to Huhne broke up. So, some might suggest that in her naked thirst for revenge on her husband, she brought all of this one both him and, amusingly, herself. The judge said that Huhne had 'fallen from a great height' but that any tragedy inherent in the case was 'their own fault.' Davies told BBC Radio 4's Today programme: 'The difficulty for Chris is he's so much in the public spotlight, for Vicky and for him it's not just going through a court case, having to live with the sentence and the punishment. But it's having been in the stocks for such a long period of time, on the front pages of newspapers. They wake up not just having a sentence to serve in prison but as the best-known prisoners in the place and having to go through all that - the difficulty of catcalls and the like.' Another crass apologist for the guilty couple, the journalist Yasmin Alibhai-Brown - a friend of Pryce, claimed that she believed the media's treatment of Pryce had been sexist. 'Too many people haven't realised how the loss of love, her wiring was jumbled, the storms in her heart were flooded,' she said. 'She is the most extraordinarily gifted, sane, stable woman, but love unhinged her. It was just "why didn't she go away quietly?" This society has no time for raging betrayed wives.' Sentencing the pair to considerable stir, the judge said that unless they were released earlier under supervision, they would each serve half of their eight-month sentences. Huhne told Channel Four News ahead of his imprisonment that his actions had 'spun into a massive, devastating set of consequences for family, for career and for everything.'
Alan Sugar-Sweetie believed that the woman who won TV's The Apprentice was trying to damage his reputation, an employment tribunal has heard. Stella English, who earned one hundred thousand smackers a year, is claiming 'constructive dismissal' and says she had 'no real role' in Lord Sugar's IT firm, Viglen. Most people who - allegedly - get one hundred grand for doing very little might be quite happy about that situation. Seemingly, not Ms English. Lord Sugar-Sweetie told the East London Tribunal Centre he had 'no case to answer.' He claimed that English, from Whitstable, was 'effectively blackmailing' him.
Lord Sugar-Sweetie's representative, Seamus Sweeney, said: 'The claimant has, in the eyes of Lord Sugar, deliberately courted the media with a view of damaging his reputation.' He claimed English had 'sold her story' to the press several times and he accused her of being 'a headline-grabber,' deliberately 'sensationalising' aspects of her evidence. Sugar-Sweetie, who gave evidence to the hearing last week, had admitted 'losing his cool' when being questioned. Sweeney said: 'Lord Sugar has maintained his position, his dignity, until he comes here. He can be forgiven in these circumstances for reacting passionately in his cross-examination because he feels wronged.' The tribunal heard that English resigned from Viglen in May 2011 and said she then 'felt pressurised' into taking up a new position at Lord Sugar's Internet set-top box company, YouView. Sugar-Sweetie claimed that he was trying to 'help her' out by offering her a new position as she had complained of being 'desperate for money.' He told the hearing there was no full-time position available at YouView and it had been explained that contractual work might be possible instead. The hearing continues.
It is traditionally a badge of honour for a journalist to have their words read out on long-running newspaper review show, What the Papers Say. But odious, wretched, whinging right-wing Scum Mail on Sunday columnist - and tool - Peter Hitchens took issue with the Radio 4 programme after it edited his column, about the London 2012 Olympics opening ceremony, and read them out in what he described as an 'absurd and hostile caricature' of his voice. Of course, if there was an Olympic event for whinging, Hitchens himself - martyr that he is - would be a dead certainty for a gold medal. And, probably, a silver and bronze as well. Hitchens claimed that the programme 'deliberately set out to humiliate' him and was evidence of - of course - 'a culture of institutional bias in the BBC.' Hitchens' ire was further fuelled by the fact the programme, broadcast on 29 July last year, was presented by Mehdi Hasan, the political director of the UK version of The Huffington Post and a former senior editor at the New Statesman, with whom Hitchens had 'a falling out' in 2009 over accusations of bias at the corporation. Christ, what a child. The BBC admitted that it should not have left three words out of Hitchens' piece, which compared the London 2012 curtain raiser to 'May Day in Soviet Moscow,' and was headlined Join the Smiley Cult of the Five Circles? Sorry, but I have a democratic right to be bored (and I'm exercising it while I still can). But the BBC Trust, in its - excellently dismissive - response to Hitchens' absurd complaint published on Tuesday, rejected outright his claim that there was anything malicious about the broadcast and said that there was not a single shred of evidence to back up his ridiculous allegation of 'institutional bias' at the BBC. Hitchens was not named by the BBC Trust in its ruling, but - according to the Gruniad Morning Star - his identity was readily apparent by the quotes attributed to him in the report. Hitchens said that the actor who voiced his column had offered up an 'extreme mocking and derisive parody' of his voice which made him 'sound foolish.' You work for the Scum Mail, pal, you already sound foolish. He also claimed that this amounted to 'hostile mockery to which other people are not subjected.' The BBC Trust disagreed with him. The programme quoted Hitchens as saying: 'Enthusiasm is compulsory only in totalitarian dictatorships. Anywhere else, we are free to be keen if we want to, and bored if we want to. Count me out of the compulsory joy. It reminds me all too much of ... Soviet Moscow.' In fact, the actual wording of his Scum Mail on Sunday piece had been: 'Count me out of the compulsory joy. It reminds me all too much of May Day in Soviet Moscow.' The BBC, in its initial response to Hitchens, had said the programme's tone was 'deliberately irreverent and provocative' but admitted that it had created a 'misleading impression' by removing the reference to May Day. But, Hitchens did not agree with the wording of an on-air apology that was read out in the following week's transmission slot and whinged that the BBC had been 'deliberately hostile' towards him. 'I believe that I and my work were subjected to treatment which would not have been given to almost any other person,' Hitchens wrote to the BBC Trust. The Trust disagreed with him. It was not Hitchens' first whinge to the BBC – he said an episode of Radio 4's audience response show, Feedback, in 2010 had included 'a gratuitous personal attack' on him without giving him the right of reply. The BBC Trust did not agree with him. He said: 'The two taken together are evidence of a profound difficulty which the BBC has with people who hold my views.' He added: 'I am only invited on air as a fringe member of a panel or as one side in a discussion. And BBC programme-makers and presenters believe they have a licence to treat me with disdain.' You ought to think yourself lucky, pal, as a licence fee payer, I'd much prefer it if you weren't invited on to the BBC at all. The programme's editor said that he was 'not happy that it was edited in this way' and was 'clearly not the finest hour for What the Papers Say.' Unhappy with the corporation's initial response, Hitchens later whinged to the BBC's editorial complaints unit and ultimately to the BBC Trust on a number of issues including the 'extreme mocking and derisive parody' of his voice.
The BBC, in its response, said that there was 'no instruction' to the actor to give a 'prejudicial impression' of Hitchens, 'or use a voice that would humiliate or embarrass him. The complainant has been given a variety of different voices over time. Whilst we accept that the complainant's voice was exaggerated, the same was the case for some pro-Olympics contributors included in the programme,' it said. The committee listened to a clip from the show, and compared it to a clip of Hitchens' own voice from another BBC show, BBC2's The Daily Politics. 'The committee noted audience expectation and the thirty-year-old tradition that What the Papers Say mimics journalists and politicians, and exaggerates their vocal characteristics for comedic and satiric effect,' said the Trust. 'The committee did not consider that the portrayal of the complainant's voice amounted to a hostile portrayal or amounted to a breach of the impartiality guidelines. Rather, the committee agreed that the portrayal of the complainant's voice was acceptable and that there had been no lack of impartiality shown in the type of voice used.' Tragically, they didn't then suggest to Hitchens that he go away, grow up and stop whinging. They didn't do that because, of course, the BBC is far too polite to say such things. But, I'm not. And, just to clarify, I say that not as someone with a particularly axe to grind here, merely as a licence fee payer who has 'a democratic right to be bored by idiotic whinging (and who is exercising it whilst he still can).' Oh, the very irony. The BBC Trust's editorial standards committee said that there was absolutely no evidence to suggest any 'malicious intent' behind the incorrect edit which, it said, had been 'resolved' by the on-air apology. It rejected all other aspects of Hitchens' agenda-soaked and rather sinister complaint, including his suggestion that the programme, and the 2010 episode of Feedback, was 'part of a pattern of behaviour towards [him] which is rooted in a canteen culture of instinctive left-liberal sympathy and an institutional bias against those with socially or morally conservative opinions.' Blimey, persecution complex, much? 'The committee was of the view that it had not seen evidence which demonstrated that the BBC was institutionally biased against those with socially or morally conservative opinion,' it added. What The Papers Say ran for more than fifty years on TV between 1956 and 2008, starting out on ITV before moving to Channel Four and then to BBC2 from 1989. It was dropped by BBC2 in 2008, but revived on Radio 4 in 2010. It uses four actors a week, from a pool of eight, to provide the programme's newspaper quotes, headlines and other material, using YouTube as a reference point for what columnists sound like. 'We didn't intend to give a prejudicial impression of the complainant – or use a voice that would humiliate or embarrass him,' said the programme's editor. 'In the event that the producer or executive producer believes a portrayal to be prejudicial or offensive, then the actors would be told to tone down their caricature.'
Australia have dropped vice-captain Shane Watson and three players for the third Test in India for 'a breach of discipline.' Mitchell Johnson, James Pattinson plus Usman Khawaja will also sit out. The four failed to make a presentation on how to improve the team following defeats in the opening two Tests. Watson left the tour after the decision, although, with his wife pregnant, there was always a contingency for him to leave early. Talking about his decision to drop the four players, coach Mickey Arthur said: 'This is a line in the sand.' Australia, who play England in back-to-back Ashes series later in 2013, have endured a miserable time on their latest tour, suffering heavy defeats in the opening matches of the four-Test series. They lost by eight wickets in Chennai in the opening Test to an Indian team inspired by Mahendra Singh Dhoni's two hundred and twenty four runs off two hundred and sixty five balls in the home side's first innings. The manner of their second Test defeat was even worse, with Australia losing by an innings and one hundred and thirty five runs after being bowled out for only one hundred and thirty one in their second innings. Worried about his team's form, Arthur asked each member of his squad to produce, by e-mail or in person, three ideas about how the team could improve. The players had five days to provide their views but the quartet failed to make their points at a team meeting. Although all-rounder Watson has returned home, pacemen Johnson and Pattinson, and batsman Khawaja will be 'considered' for the fourth Test. South African Arthur, Australia's first overseas coach, told a news conference:
'I asked the players at the end of the last game to give me an individual presentation. I wanted three points from each of them - technically, mentally and team - as to how we were going to get back over the next couple of games, about how we were going to get ourselves back into the series. I believe those four players, unfortunately, did not meet my requirements so those four players are not available for selection for this Test match.' He added: 'We've given an expectation that is spelt out and although this incident might seem very small in isolation, this is a line in the sand moment for us as a unit in our quest to become the best in the world. This has been the toughest decision that myself, manager Gavin Dovey and captain Michael Clarke have ever had to make. But the ramifications for that within our team structure and the message that it sends to all involved in Australian cricket is that we are pretty serious about where we want to take this team.' Arthur's stance has drawn stinging criticism from former Australia players. Ex-captain Allan Border told FOX Sports News: 'I'm surprised that's the penalty for something so mundane. It seems like it was on a schoolboy tour or something. It's an over the top reaction.' Mark Waugh added: 'I've never heard anything so stupid in all my life. It's not under-sixes - this is Test cricket.' Australia now head into the third Test at Mohali on Thursday with just thirteen players to choose from - and that could drop to twelve if Matthew Wade fails to recover in time from an ankle injury. The first Ashes Test begins on 10 July at Trent Bridge.
For a rugby team, a 43-0 defeat would be hard to take: but for a football side it is an absolute hammering. That, however, is the latest loss suffered by Caerphilly Castle Ladies in the Women's Welsh Premier League. Sadly, it is not the first time they have been mauled this season, as they have also been on the wrong end of 36-0, 28-0 and 26-0 scorelines. But the team who have let in two hundred and nineteen goals and scored just one in ten games say they have no intention of giving up. A mass walkout of their first team to set up rivals Cwmbran FC over the summer has left the team known as The Castle struggling. However, chairwoman Julie Boyce, who has come out of retirement to strengthen the side of reserves and youth players, said the team would 'come back stronger.'
She said: 'We're putting a brave face on things, but yes it's tough, and if it went on indefinitely, it would threaten the future of the club. But we're about more than the first team.' Today's plight is a far cry from recent years, when The Castle had been a side to be reckoned with. They finished mid-table in the last two Welsh Premier League seasons, and in 2010 lifted the Welsh League Cup. This season has been very different. The solitary goal they managed was against Caernarfon Town, who went on to win 14-1. But despite the Ladies' problems, all of their age group teams remain in contention for silverware. In terms of numbers participating at all levels, Caerphilly Castle rival Cardiff City for the title of biggest women's club in Wales. Boyce said: 'You could argue that we could have done more to help ourselves. We could have promoted some of the really talented girls from the under-sixteens into the first team, and the results would have been nowhere near as embarrassing as they have been. But at the start of the season we took the decision that the first team crisis shouldn't be allowed to disrupt the excellent work we're doing at youth level. We're taking a long-term view. We're not going to rush girls through just to window dress this season - we'll take our time because we know that in a few years we'll be back bigger and stronger than ever.'
A football fan had his newspaper 'confiscated' as he tried to enter a Premier League ground because security staff considered it 'an offensive weapon.' West Ham United fan Chris Barmby was carrying a copy of the Worcester News when he was stopped by guards at Stoke City's Britannia stadium on 2 March. He was told that it was 'new policy' to ban newspapers 'in case people set them on fire to use as a torch.' As a retired firefighter, Barmby was not amused. As he told the News, which splashed the story all over its front page and ran an editorial calling the ban 'absurd', what is to stop someone setting light to, for example, a club programme? The paper's deputy editor, John Wilson, said: 'The Worcester News has always packed a punch, but we have never been called an offensive weapon.' Happily for Barmby, a Worcester man who has been a lifelong West Ham supporter, the Hamsters side won 1-0. No one from Stoke was available for comment when contacted by the Daily Mirra. Which is odd because notoriously mouthy manager Tony Pulis normally has plenty to say for himself on all manner of subjects, usually stuff that has nowt to do with him.
Yer actual David Bowie is on course to claim his first UK number one CD in nearly twenty years. The singer's comeback record The Next Day - which is terrific, by the way - is currently leading the midweek chart with first-day sales of fifty six thousand copies. Bowie is currently outselling his nearest rival - Bon Jovi's What About Now? - by nearly three copies to one. 
The feat would mark the first time that The Grand Dame her very self has hit the UK album chart top spot since his 1993 collection Black Tie White Noise. Six previous Bowie LPs - Aladdin Sane, Pin Ups, Diamond Dogs, Scary Monsters, Let's Dance, Tonight and the compilation ChangesBowie - all hit number one in Britain during the singer's fifty year careers. (Staggeringly, such ground-breaking and influential masterpieces as Hunky Dory, The Fall & Rise of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars, Station to Station, Low and "Heroes", didn't. Mind you, neither did Tin Machine so it's not all bad news.) 'Bowie is, officially, back!' said the Charts Company Managing Director Martin Talbot. 'The Next Day is a true gift for all Bowie aficionados. It already sounds like a classic Bowie album – and its popularity this week is already showing that the great British public have taken it to their hearts.'
Father Dougal has responded to calls for him to be the next Pope. The Father Ted character has emerged from his reclusive lifestyle on Craggy Island after fifteen years to back the Facebook campaign calling for his appointment to lead the Roman Catholic Church. 'This is great,' he said. 'Obviously very excited. Had no idea I was in the running, to be honest,' continued Dougal. 'If I am made Pope the first thing I will do is make Sunday a recognised day of worship. Hurray!'
And so to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day, dear blog reader. As mentioned a couple of weeks ago, yer actual Keith Telly Topping is on something of an early eighties electro-pop thing at the moment. Therefore, it seems not unreasonable for this little classic to feature.
On the show's future beyond a fourth run, he added: 'It just depends on Martin and I's availability, how long we can keep it going. It depends on Steven's ability. I'd love to keep it going.' Cumberbatch previously stated in June last year that Sherlock could, potentially, continue well beyond its upcoming third series. 'We only do three [episodes] at a time, so I think the normal fear of over-stretching the mark and just doing too many [doesn't apply],' he explained. 'I'd like to see [Sherlock and John] getting older. We're starting quite young. It's rare to see Holmes and Watson at the beginning of their relationship; we usually join them in their mid-to-late forties or fifties. I've got a way to go. I mean, I'm only thirty five.' Production recently commenced on three more Sherlock episodes, with the first read-through taking place in Cardiff on Monday. Filming will begin next week.Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's great (and, these days not-so-secret) guilty pleasure MasterChef returned to BBC1 on Tuesday evening with an hour-long episode, featuring everything that you'd expect from a new series of MasterChef. But, besides John and Gregg and India, it also included a - fantastically hard - set of opening challenges and two potential superstars the in the making from the first batch of contestants, Emily and Dale.
The drama's figures were dented slightly by the second part of BBC1's extremely complicated but, fundamentally well-told Shetland, which attracted five million viewers at 9pm. Earlier in the evening Panorama was watched by 2.81 million at 8.30pm, whilst Being Eileen had an overnight audience of 1.96 million at 10.45pm. On BBC2, University Challenge's audience was an excellent 3.01 million at 8pm, while Food and Drink also continued to attract more than decent figures, 2.09 million at 8.30pm. This World pulled in 1.41 million at 9pm. Channel Four's Embarrassing Bodies was watched by 1.84 million at 9pm and Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA drew 1.05 million at 10pm. Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge was seen by eight hundred and sixty thousand punters at 9pm on Channel Five and, as usual, included Robson shouting 'wey, y'bugger!' and 'eeee, it's a whoppa!' at regular intervals. BBC3's unseemly quick-turnaround documentary Oscar Pistorius: What Really Happened? pulled in a big overnight audience none of whom, obviously, were sick voyeurs. Oh no. The Rick Edwards-presented documentary was watched by 1.07 million at 9pm. Only Connect remains popular on BBC4 with nine hundred and thirteen thousand punter watching the Victoria Coren-fronted panel show.Speaking of Broadchurch, the world's finest TV review, Metro's Keith Watson, had this to say about the second episode: 'Many a murder thriller opens with intrigue, only for its vice-like grip to quickly loosen.
But not so with episode two of Broadchurch (ITV), which cranked up the tension with subtle clues, brief snatches of fresh characters and a sure-footed sense of what pumps the lifeblood in a small community. The fact this story unfolds over eight episodes means there’s room to flesh out the humanity behind the horror. The moving scene where grieving mother Beth (Jodie Whittaker) had a meltdown in her local supermarket may not have moved the plot forward but it was crucial in forging an emotional connection to the story. Broadchurch gives us space to speculate on all sorts of possible chicanery going down behind its respectable façade. Randy vicar? Closeted gay husband? Psychic copper? Everyone is in the frame.' Aye. Spot on. Yer man Watto was on really good form at the start of the week, his review of The History Of Syria With Dan Snow containing the following gem: 'Syrian political specialist professor David Lesch caught the sense of disillusion spot-on. He'd told al-Assad his biggest mistake on taking power was to let slip the fact he was a Phil Collins fan. 
Dodgy, on a number of levels, it led people to believe he'd be a modernising force for change when, in fact, it turned out he was a chip off the old power block.' Indeed. Anyone who admits to liking balding old Tory hasbeen, horrorshow (and drag) Collins must, surely, by all the laws of natural justice be a contender for a war crimes trial at The Hague. The one low spot of Danny Baker's otherwise superb Album Showdown on BBC4 recently (well, apart from Mica Paris not knowing when to shut up and let somebody else speak) was Dan's attempt to convince us that Face Value had any, ahem, value as it were. No, no, no, no no. Not even with Earth, Wind & Fire's horn section on it. Not whilst I've got breath in my body. Did we fight the punk wars for this, ladies and gentlemen?
Moffat said that in its entirety the show could run for over forty episodes episodes if it gets recommissioned by the BBC. 'The second series would pick up straight with the 1920s up until and including the General Strike,' said Moffat. 'It's a unique moment in television. Box set culture has said that long-form serial drama is now really possible. How fantastic is it to say that there's a possibility that you might get to write forty two hours of television about the Twentieth Century of this country. You can't do that at the National. The BBC could and should be like the National Theatre.' Commenting on the focus of period dramas on the wealthy classes, he added: 'I think there's an imbalance. We're more interested in upstairs than we are in downstairs. There's a whole wealth of material that isn't about the posh folk. There's a whole spectrum of class in The Village.' 
Noble joked the actors had trained at 'the John Merrick Academy of Drama' and performed the famous line 'I am not an animal' from the 1980 film The Elephant Man, in a slurred voice. In its ruling, the Trust said that the comic had, clearly, been making reference to the screen portrayal of Merrick by the actor John Hurt in the film rather than stereotyping people with disabilities. As should have been clear to anyone with half a frigging brain in their skull. Although not, seemingly, to one person. 'The root of the comedy lay in the commercial and, as such, was editorially justified and had a clear editorial purpose,' the BBC Trust said. 'The remarks were editorially justified because they referred to the actors in the commercial,' the Trust added. The committee agreed that some (or, to be more precise, one) viewers could be offended, if they were the sort of people who go out of their way looking for something to be offended by. 'The impersonation of John Merrick's speech and physical disability, in particular, was at the margins of acceptability,' they said. Though, given the fact that Mister Merrick himself has been dead for one hundred and thirty odd years, it's probably fair to say that any offence he, personally, felt, was minimal. Big Brother 'bosses' are, according to the Sun, planning to axe Brian Dowling as host. Although not with an actual axe. Obviously.
Pryce, of course, went to a newspaper with the story after her marriage to Huhne broke up. So, some might suggest that in her naked thirst for revenge on her husband, she brought all of this one both him and, amusingly, herself. The judge said that Huhne had 'fallen from a great height' but that any tragedy inherent in the case was 'their own fault.' Davies told BBC Radio 4's Today programme: 'The difficulty for Chris is he's so much in the public spotlight, for Vicky and for him it's not just going through a court case, having to live with the sentence and the punishment. But it's having been in the stocks for such a long period of time, on the front pages of newspapers. They wake up not just having a sentence to serve in prison but as the best-known prisoners in the place and having to go through all that - the difficulty of catcalls and the like.' Another crass apologist for the guilty couple, the journalist Yasmin Alibhai-Brown - a friend of Pryce, claimed that she believed the media's treatment of Pryce had been sexist. 'Too many people haven't realised how the loss of love, her wiring was jumbled, the storms in her heart were flooded,' she said. 'She is the most extraordinarily gifted, sane, stable woman, but love unhinged her. It was just "why didn't she go away quietly?" This society has no time for raging betrayed wives.' Sentencing the pair to considerable stir, the judge said that unless they were released earlier under supervision, they would each serve half of their eight-month sentences. Huhne told Channel Four News ahead of his imprisonment that his actions had 'spun into a massive, devastating set of consequences for family, for career and for everything.' Alan Sugar-Sweetie believed that the woman who won TV's The Apprentice was trying to damage his reputation, an employment tribunal has heard. Stella English, who earned one hundred thousand smackers a year, is claiming 'constructive dismissal' and says she had 'no real role' in Lord Sugar's IT firm, Viglen. Most people who - allegedly - get one hundred grand for doing very little might be quite happy about that situation. Seemingly, not Ms English. Lord Sugar-Sweetie told the East London Tribunal Centre he had 'no case to answer.' He claimed that English, from Whitstable, was 'effectively blackmailing' him.
Lord Sugar-Sweetie's representative, Seamus Sweeney, said: 'The claimant has, in the eyes of Lord Sugar, deliberately courted the media with a view of damaging his reputation.' He claimed English had 'sold her story' to the press several times and he accused her of being 'a headline-grabber,' deliberately 'sensationalising' aspects of her evidence. Sugar-Sweetie, who gave evidence to the hearing last week, had admitted 'losing his cool' when being questioned. Sweeney said: 'Lord Sugar has maintained his position, his dignity, until he comes here. He can be forgiven in these circumstances for reacting passionately in his cross-examination because he feels wronged.' The tribunal heard that English resigned from Viglen in May 2011 and said she then 'felt pressurised' into taking up a new position at Lord Sugar's Internet set-top box company, YouView. Sugar-Sweetie claimed that he was trying to 'help her' out by offering her a new position as she had complained of being 'desperate for money.' He told the hearing there was no full-time position available at YouView and it had been explained that contractual work might be possible instead. The hearing continues.It is traditionally a badge of honour for a journalist to have their words read out on long-running newspaper review show, What the Papers Say. But odious, wretched, whinging right-wing Scum Mail on Sunday columnist - and tool - Peter Hitchens took issue with the Radio 4 programme after it edited his column, about the London 2012 Olympics opening ceremony, and read them out in what he described as an 'absurd and hostile caricature' of his voice. Of course, if there was an Olympic event for whinging, Hitchens himself - martyr that he is - would be a dead certainty for a gold medal. And, probably, a silver and bronze as well. Hitchens claimed that the programme 'deliberately set out to humiliate' him and was evidence of - of course - 'a culture of institutional bias in the BBC.' Hitchens' ire was further fuelled by the fact the programme, broadcast on 29 July last year, was presented by Mehdi Hasan, the political director of the UK version of The Huffington Post and a former senior editor at the New Statesman, with whom Hitchens had 'a falling out' in 2009 over accusations of bias at the corporation. Christ, what a child. The BBC admitted that it should not have left three words out of Hitchens' piece, which compared the London 2012 curtain raiser to 'May Day in Soviet Moscow,' and was headlined Join the Smiley Cult of the Five Circles? Sorry, but I have a democratic right to be bored (and I'm exercising it while I still can). But the BBC Trust, in its - excellently dismissive - response to Hitchens' absurd complaint published on Tuesday, rejected outright his claim that there was anything malicious about the broadcast and said that there was not a single shred of evidence to back up his ridiculous allegation of 'institutional bias' at the BBC. Hitchens was not named by the BBC Trust in its ruling, but - according to the Gruniad Morning Star - his identity was readily apparent by the quotes attributed to him in the report. Hitchens said that the actor who voiced his column had offered up an 'extreme mocking and derisive parody' of his voice which made him 'sound foolish.' You work for the Scum Mail, pal, you already sound foolish. He also claimed that this amounted to 'hostile mockery to which other people are not subjected.' The BBC Trust disagreed with him. The programme quoted Hitchens as saying: 'Enthusiasm is compulsory only in totalitarian dictatorships. Anywhere else, we are free to be keen if we want to, and bored if we want to. Count me out of the compulsory joy. It reminds me all too much of ... Soviet Moscow.' In fact, the actual wording of his Scum Mail on Sunday piece had been: 'Count me out of the compulsory joy. It reminds me all too much of May Day in Soviet Moscow.' The BBC, in its initial response to Hitchens, had said the programme's tone was 'deliberately irreverent and provocative' but admitted that it had created a 'misleading impression' by removing the reference to May Day. But, Hitchens did not agree with the wording of an on-air apology that was read out in the following week's transmission slot and whinged that the BBC had been 'deliberately hostile' towards him. 'I believe that I and my work were subjected to treatment which would not have been given to almost any other person,' Hitchens wrote to the BBC Trust. The Trust disagreed with him. It was not Hitchens' first whinge to the BBC – he said an episode of Radio 4's audience response show, Feedback, in 2010 had included 'a gratuitous personal attack' on him without giving him the right of reply. The BBC Trust did not agree with him. He said: 'The two taken together are evidence of a profound difficulty which the BBC has with people who hold my views.' He added: 'I am only invited on air as a fringe member of a panel or as one side in a discussion. And BBC programme-makers and presenters believe they have a licence to treat me with disdain.' You ought to think yourself lucky, pal, as a licence fee payer, I'd much prefer it if you weren't invited on to the BBC at all. The programme's editor said that he was 'not happy that it was edited in this way' and was 'clearly not the finest hour for What the Papers Say.' Unhappy with the corporation's initial response, Hitchens later whinged to the BBC's editorial complaints unit and ultimately to the BBC Trust on a number of issues including the 'extreme mocking and derisive parody' of his voice.
The BBC, in its response, said that there was 'no instruction' to the actor to give a 'prejudicial impression' of Hitchens, 'or use a voice that would humiliate or embarrass him. The complainant has been given a variety of different voices over time. Whilst we accept that the complainant's voice was exaggerated, the same was the case for some pro-Olympics contributors included in the programme,' it said. The committee listened to a clip from the show, and compared it to a clip of Hitchens' own voice from another BBC show, BBC2's The Daily Politics. 'The committee noted audience expectation and the thirty-year-old tradition that What the Papers Say mimics journalists and politicians, and exaggerates their vocal characteristics for comedic and satiric effect,' said the Trust. 'The committee did not consider that the portrayal of the complainant's voice amounted to a hostile portrayal or amounted to a breach of the impartiality guidelines. Rather, the committee agreed that the portrayal of the complainant's voice was acceptable and that there had been no lack of impartiality shown in the type of voice used.' Tragically, they didn't then suggest to Hitchens that he go away, grow up and stop whinging. They didn't do that because, of course, the BBC is far too polite to say such things. But, I'm not. And, just to clarify, I say that not as someone with a particularly axe to grind here, merely as a licence fee payer who has 'a democratic right to be bored by idiotic whinging (and who is exercising it whilst he still can).' Oh, the very irony. The BBC Trust's editorial standards committee said that there was absolutely no evidence to suggest any 'malicious intent' behind the incorrect edit which, it said, had been 'resolved' by the on-air apology. It rejected all other aspects of Hitchens' agenda-soaked and rather sinister complaint, including his suggestion that the programme, and the 2010 episode of Feedback, was 'part of a pattern of behaviour towards [him] which is rooted in a canteen culture of instinctive left-liberal sympathy and an institutional bias against those with socially or morally conservative opinions.' Blimey, persecution complex, much? 'The committee was of the view that it had not seen evidence which demonstrated that the BBC was institutionally biased against those with socially or morally conservative opinion,' it added. What The Papers Say ran for more than fifty years on TV between 1956 and 2008, starting out on ITV before moving to Channel Four and then to BBC2 from 1989. It was dropped by BBC2 in 2008, but revived on Radio 4 in 2010. It uses four actors a week, from a pool of eight, to provide the programme's newspaper quotes, headlines and other material, using YouTube as a reference point for what columnists sound like. 'We didn't intend to give a prejudicial impression of the complainant – or use a voice that would humiliate or embarrass him,' said the programme's editor. 'In the event that the producer or executive producer believes a portrayal to be prejudicial or offensive, then the actors would be told to tone down their caricature.'Australia have dropped vice-captain Shane Watson and three players for the third Test in India for 'a breach of discipline.' Mitchell Johnson, James Pattinson plus Usman Khawaja will also sit out. The four failed to make a presentation on how to improve the team following defeats in the opening two Tests. Watson left the tour after the decision, although, with his wife pregnant, there was always a contingency for him to leave early. Talking about his decision to drop the four players, coach Mickey Arthur said: 'This is a line in the sand.' Australia, who play England in back-to-back Ashes series later in 2013, have endured a miserable time on their latest tour, suffering heavy defeats in the opening matches of the four-Test series. They lost by eight wickets in Chennai in the opening Test to an Indian team inspired by Mahendra Singh Dhoni's two hundred and twenty four runs off two hundred and sixty five balls in the home side's first innings. The manner of their second Test defeat was even worse, with Australia losing by an innings and one hundred and thirty five runs after being bowled out for only one hundred and thirty one in their second innings. Worried about his team's form, Arthur asked each member of his squad to produce, by e-mail or in person, three ideas about how the team could improve. The players had five days to provide their views but the quartet failed to make their points at a team meeting. Although all-rounder Watson has returned home, pacemen Johnson and Pattinson, and batsman Khawaja will be 'considered' for the fourth Test. South African Arthur, Australia's first overseas coach, told a news conference:
'I asked the players at the end of the last game to give me an individual presentation. I wanted three points from each of them - technically, mentally and team - as to how we were going to get back over the next couple of games, about how we were going to get ourselves back into the series. I believe those four players, unfortunately, did not meet my requirements so those four players are not available for selection for this Test match.' He added: 'We've given an expectation that is spelt out and although this incident might seem very small in isolation, this is a line in the sand moment for us as a unit in our quest to become the best in the world. This has been the toughest decision that myself, manager Gavin Dovey and captain Michael Clarke have ever had to make. But the ramifications for that within our team structure and the message that it sends to all involved in Australian cricket is that we are pretty serious about where we want to take this team.' Arthur's stance has drawn stinging criticism from former Australia players. Ex-captain Allan Border told FOX Sports News: 'I'm surprised that's the penalty for something so mundane. It seems like it was on a schoolboy tour or something. It's an over the top reaction.' Mark Waugh added: 'I've never heard anything so stupid in all my life. It's not under-sixes - this is Test cricket.' Australia now head into the third Test at Mohali on Thursday with just thirteen players to choose from - and that could drop to twelve if Matthew Wade fails to recover in time from an ankle injury. The first Ashes Test begins on 10 July at Trent Bridge.For a rugby team, a 43-0 defeat would be hard to take: but for a football side it is an absolute hammering. That, however, is the latest loss suffered by Caerphilly Castle Ladies in the Women's Welsh Premier League. Sadly, it is not the first time they have been mauled this season, as they have also been on the wrong end of 36-0, 28-0 and 26-0 scorelines. But the team who have let in two hundred and nineteen goals and scored just one in ten games say they have no intention of giving up. A mass walkout of their first team to set up rivals Cwmbran FC over the summer has left the team known as The Castle struggling. However, chairwoman Julie Boyce, who has come out of retirement to strengthen the side of reserves and youth players, said the team would 'come back stronger.'
She said: 'We're putting a brave face on things, but yes it's tough, and if it went on indefinitely, it would threaten the future of the club. But we're about more than the first team.' Today's plight is a far cry from recent years, when The Castle had been a side to be reckoned with. They finished mid-table in the last two Welsh Premier League seasons, and in 2010 lifted the Welsh League Cup. This season has been very different. The solitary goal they managed was against Caernarfon Town, who went on to win 14-1. But despite the Ladies' problems, all of their age group teams remain in contention for silverware. In terms of numbers participating at all levels, Caerphilly Castle rival Cardiff City for the title of biggest women's club in Wales. Boyce said: 'You could argue that we could have done more to help ourselves. We could have promoted some of the really talented girls from the under-sixteens into the first team, and the results would have been nowhere near as embarrassing as they have been. But at the start of the season we took the decision that the first team crisis shouldn't be allowed to disrupt the excellent work we're doing at youth level. We're taking a long-term view. We're not going to rush girls through just to window dress this season - we'll take our time because we know that in a few years we'll be back bigger and stronger than ever.'A football fan had his newspaper 'confiscated' as he tried to enter a Premier League ground because security staff considered it 'an offensive weapon.' West Ham United fan Chris Barmby was carrying a copy of the Worcester News when he was stopped by guards at Stoke City's Britannia stadium on 2 March. He was told that it was 'new policy' to ban newspapers 'in case people set them on fire to use as a torch.' As a retired firefighter, Barmby was not amused. As he told the News, which splashed the story all over its front page and ran an editorial calling the ban 'absurd', what is to stop someone setting light to, for example, a club programme? The paper's deputy editor, John Wilson, said: 'The Worcester News has always packed a punch, but we have never been called an offensive weapon.' Happily for Barmby, a Worcester man who has been a lifelong West Ham supporter, the Hamsters side won 1-0. No one from Stoke was available for comment when contacted by the Daily Mirra. Which is odd because notoriously mouthy manager Tony Pulis normally has plenty to say for himself on all manner of subjects, usually stuff that has nowt to do with him.
The feat would mark the first time that The Grand Dame her very self has hit the UK album chart top spot since his 1993 collection Black Tie White Noise. Six previous Bowie LPs - Aladdin Sane, Pin Ups, Diamond Dogs, Scary Monsters, Let's Dance, Tonight and the compilation ChangesBowie - all hit number one in Britain during the singer's fifty year careers. (Staggeringly, such ground-breaking and influential masterpieces as Hunky Dory, The Fall & Rise of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars, Station to Station, Low and "Heroes", didn't. Mind you, neither did Tin Machine so it's not all bad news.) 'Bowie is, officially, back!' said the Charts Company Managing Director Martin Talbot. 'The Next Day is a true gift for all Bowie aficionados. It already sounds like a classic Bowie album – and its popularity this week is already showing that the great British public have taken it to their hearts.'Father Dougal has responded to calls for him to be the next Pope. The Father Ted character has emerged from his reclusive lifestyle on Craggy Island after fifteen years to back the Facebook campaign calling for his appointment to lead the Roman Catholic Church. 'This is great,' he said. 'Obviously very excited. Had no idea I was in the running, to be honest,' continued Dougal. 'If I am made Pope the first thing I will do is make Sunday a recognised day of worship. Hurray!'
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