Yer actual Doctor Who's fiftieth anniversary will be celebrated big-style(e) at Sunday's BAFTA Television Awards. And rightly so. It's a survivor and, in any business as cut-throat as telly, that's got to count for something. In addition to a special video tribute covering the show's half-century, Jenna-Louise Coleman her very impish self will present a trophy at the ceremony on London's South Bank. 'This is a massive and exciting year for Doctor Who, so I'm thrilled that BAFTA are including a special tribute to the show. So thrilled, in fact, we're sending The Doctor's best friend, Jenna Coleman, to present an award,' said The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat. 
Who, of course, already had several BAFTAs of his own. Which require regular polishing. 'We're also sending The Doctor's worst enemy, The Daleks, to exterminate lots of innocent people. Sorry, it's just what they do. Let us know if it's a Health and Safety issue.' concluded The Moffinator (Thou Shalt Worship No Other Gods Before He). Two Daleks will be sent along to 'patrol' the red carpet on Sunday as guests arrive before the big prawn-sandwich-and-back-slapping do. BAFTA chief executive Amanda Berry hailed the long-running popular family SF drama's 'quality and longevity' - hell, yeah! - and its 'ability to put the nation on their sofas or indeed behind them - year after year,' adding that the organisation 'raises a toast to Doctor Who on its fiftieth birthday.' The British Academy Television Awards will be hosted by Graham Norton at the Royal Festival Hall, London on Sunday 12 May. They will be broadcast from 8pm the same night on BBC1.
The last episode of the current series pf Doctor Who is to have a specially-filmed prequel, it was announced this week. Entitled She Said, He Said, it has been written by showrunner The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat and will feature Jenna-Louise Coleman as Clara and Matt Smith as The Doctor. According to the show's official website, it will be 'one of the longest prequels' the show has had and will look at 'how little Clara knows about The Doctor. And vice versa.' The, if you will, 'minisode' will be made available from the official website and via the BBC's Red Button service straight after Nightmare in Silver ends in the UK this coming Saturday at 7.45pm. The series finale The Name of the Doctor is broadcast in on Saturday 18 May, with the time still to be confirmed.
Speaking of which, this blogger really doesn't know what the massive malarkey is with regard to The Doctor's name. It's this ...
Or, if you prefer, this ...
... if you're a classicist. As any fule kno. What's the big deal?
Meanwhile, yer actual John Hurt has talked about his role in the forthcoming Doctor Who fiftieth anniversary special. The veteran actor will star opposite Matt Smith and David Tennant in the celebratory 3D episode later this year. Hurt has told Eastern Daily Press that he plays 'part of the Doctor' in 'a kind of trinity.' Which, of course, the Sun then chose to elaborate upon, complete with some suspiciously 'made-up' quotes from an, alleged, 'source.'
So much for keeping it a secret.
Cardboard cutouts have traditionally lined shop windows and the cinema foyer for many years, but now, dear blog reader, you too can decorate your own home, office, child’s bedroom or party venue of your choice with your favourite, movie, music or TV stars. For example, according to publicity blurb, 'this "Lifesize Cardboard Cutout of Clara Oswin Oswald from Doctor Who" measures one hundred and sixty centimetres high' and is 'sure to turn heads and wow visitors in equal measure! Joining the case of Doctor Who in Series Seven, Clara Oswin Oswald (played by Jenna-Louise Coleman) takes up the mantle from Amy Pond as The Doctor's new companion! This Clara Oswald standee is the perfect focus point of any themed party or a gift sure to delight the most avid fan. All cutouts are designed to be self supporting and are assembled within seconds. Alternatively it is possible to leave the supports flat and wall mount the standee as you wish. All lifesize stand-ups fold down for easy storage!' Or, if you've got stains on it that you don't want your mother to see. Possibly.
I think it's the outrageous surfeit of exclamation marks in this blurb that rather scares yer actual Keith Telly Topping, dear blog reader. Never buy a product which is advertised with a use of too many exclamation marks, take a tip. It's rather like trusting something you're being told by a man who laughs at his own jokes.
Broadchurch's Olivia Colman has revealed that she had an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction preparing for this weekend's BAFTA Awards. Colman, who is nominated for both Leading Actress and Female Performance In A Comedy Programme at this weekend's BAFTAs, admits on The Graham Norton Show that she had a 'mishap' while testing out her red carpet outfit. or, in other words, one of her tits fell out of the dress.
Well, it's happened to all of us, dear blog reader. Especially yer actual Keith Telly Topping, it's always happening to in in the dressing room at Stately Telly Topping Manor. 'I tried it on and the zip split and my boob fell out,; Olivia noted. 'And then it took two people to get me out of it. They had to cut the zip off. It was a bit embarrassing.' Colman is nominated for her work in bitter old Red Jimmy McGovern's misery-fest Accused and Twenty Twelve. The actress also revealed that the cast of Broadchurch had 'initially been sceptical' about plans for a sequel, but said that after hearing about the plot for series two she had come around to the idea. 'I know a lot of us in it, when the producer said they were thinking about number two, thought, "It was great, leave well alone,"' she said. 'But then they talked us through the idea and we all said, "Oh, that's very good." But I can't say anything.' Although, you already have. Anyway ...
The Apprentice shed around eight hundred thousand overnight viewers for its second episode on Wednesday evening. However, it was still comfortably the most watched show outside of soaps, bringing in 5.21 million viewers at 9pm. Earlier on BBC1, Watchdog attracted 4.21m at 8pm, while the hastily compiled Sir Alex Ferguson documentary Fergie Time was seen by 2.06m at 10.45pm.
On BBC2, Nature's Weirdest Events secured 1.12m at 7pm, followed by Coast with 1.64m at 8pm. The new series Bankers: Fixing the System attracted eight hundred and fifty thousand at 9pm. The Apprentice: You're Fired! held steady with 1.83m punters at 10pm. ITV's All Star Mr & Mrs was watched by 4.02m at 8pm. Scott & Bailey climbed from last week's audience to 4.67m at 9pm. On Channel Four, Phil Spencer: Secret Agent brought in 1.06m at 8pm, while Twenty Four Hours in A&E had an audience of two million at 9pm. Ten O'Clock Live dropped over three hundred thousand punters week-on-week viewers to six hundred and one thousand at 10pm. The final episode of the disastrous The Intern was seen by just one hundred and forty one thousand at 11pm. Chances of a second series? Two hopes - Bob Hope and no hope. Channel Five's NCIS was watched by 1.12m at 9.15pm.
Broadcasters, and particularly those at the BBC, can breathe a sigh of relief – the Daily Scum Mail odious louse of a TV correspondent - and risible plank - Paul Revoir is leaving the paper after nearly seven years. Like all Scum Mail specialist reporters, Revoir has had the nigh-on impossible task of remaining on speaking terms with industry contacts while serving up his overlords' required diet of outrage at BBC alleged left-wing bias (actually, pretty much everything the BBC does) – along with regular beastings for the TV industry generally over repeats, on-screen sleaze, off-screen sleaze, repeats. And do so with scummish enthusiasm.
How Revoir suffered for his art over the years, at times copping flak for Scum Mail articles that weren't even under his byline. There was the run-in with Jay Hunt at an industry drinks bash after the Scum Mail's notorious 'Dumbed down blonde to run BBC1' headline, and another time when a frank exchange of words with Paul Jackson about the Scum Mail's I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) coverage at a Soho Hotel press launch ended with the ITV entertainment boss allegedly calling him a word that rhymes with 'banker.' However, Revoir will always have the honour of having a journalistic ploy named after him – then lack of culture secretary the vile and odious rascal Hunt once told an RTS Cambridge convention he wasn't going to be lured into a 'Paul Revoir-style' trap – encouraged to make a negative comment about the BBC, thus providing a handy Scum Mail page lead. Sod off scum, you won't be missed.
Sunday Brunch presenter and former Soccer AM host (when it used to be good) Tim Lovejoy will host a new weekend magazine sports show on BT Sport. Lovejoy was among the new signings announced this week along with a bunch of former and current players. BT which will launch its three channels BT Sport 1, BT Sport 2 and ESPN later this year.
It was previously announced that Clare Balding will have a weekly sports magazine chat show, which will feature interviews and debates about the biggest talking points in sport. Balding's show will also shine a light on women's sport. Given Lovejoy's frequent digs at women's football (which he regularly and infamously described as 'monkey tennis' during his time on Soccer AM), that should make the BT staff canteen a lively venue. Journalist and broadcaster Des Kelly will host his own series Life's A Pitch, while former England defender Rio Ferdinand will be working with the channel as a football pundit and programme-maker. BT revealed its pricing details, which set the broadcaster up for a head-to-head battle with Sky. BT Broadband users will have access to BT Sports's thirty eight Premier League football matches and all their other sports coverage, for free. Non-BT Broadband users can sign up for twelve smackers-a-month (fifteen quid in HD).
Meanwhile, a couple of Rio's former The Scum team-mates, malingering little shit Michael Owen and Owen Hargreaves are among the latest list of presenters, commentators and experts signed up by BT Sport. A pair of workshy sicknote carriers who spent more time on the treatment table than actually playing during their careers.
One sincerely hopes for BT's sake, that isn't something which will be repeated as they move into broadcasting otherwise the Sickness Benefit claims could be staggeringly big. Steve McManaman, ex-England goalkeeper Calamity James and Premier League referee Mark Halsey are also part of the BT Sport team of alleged football 'experts.' Which, in Halsey's case in particular, is the biggest joke about this entire venture. Lot's hope he's a bit better at spotting fouls when he's sitting in the commentary box as he was when officiating.
A new version of the 1970s historical drama Poldark is among four drama commissions announced by the BBC this week. Outgoing BBC1 controller Danny Cohen has ordered a new adaptation of Winston Graham's Cornish romantic saga.
Tony Jordan (Life on Mars and Hustle among many others) will also write Dickensian for the channel - the drama is based on the works of Charles Dickens and will see characters from the author's novels cross paths in 'the most surprising of ways.' Two further projects in the works at BBC1 are Our Zoo - a six-part period drama about the man who created Chester Zoo in the 1930s - and Blackpool creator Peter Bowker's From There To Here - set in the aftermath of 1996's IRA Manchester bombing of The Arndale Shopping Centre. 'It has been a joy and privilege to commission programmes for BBC1,' said Cohen. 'I hope audiences enjoy the range and creative ambitions of these new dramas for the channel.'
FOX is reportedly considering reviving 24. The network is said to be 'mulling over' bringing the award-winning, real-time and tool-stiffeningly violent espionage drama back to screens with a limited series of a fixed number of episodes. Kiefer Sutherland is, these reports claim, 'in early talks' to reprise his role as counter-terrorism specialist and one-man armed-plated killing machine Jack Bauer, according to Deadline.
Homeland executive producer Howard Gordon - who was 24's final showrunner - reportedly pitched the idea of an 'event series' to FOX after plans for a 24 movie failed to get off the ground. As most movies-based-on-cancelled-TV-series tend to for the simple reason that if you can't get people to watch a show, for free, on TV, who in their right mind is going to go and pay to see a movie based on it at the cinema? If the project moves forward, it is understood that Gordon will produce through his company Teakwood Lane, which is based at Twentieth Century Fox Television. Sutherland's supernatural drama Touch was recently cancelled by FOX after two seasons. The actor said as recently as last month that he still hoped a 24 movie would move forward, although Antoine Fuqua - who was attached to direct the film - expressed his own doubts that the big-screen project would ever get off the ground.
A former Brighton-based police sergeant who sold a story to the Sun newspaper has been extremely jailed for ten months. James Bowes contacted the Sun and the Scum of the World on three occasions, offering to sell information to the scum journalists there. In June 2010 he sold a story to the Sun about an alleged fox attack on a three-year-old child at a birthday party, and received five hundred smackers from the paper. He also tried to sell information about the daughter of celebrities Peter Andre and Katie Price. Last month Bowes, from Steyning, pleaded very guilty at the Old Bailey to one count of misconduct in public office. The sentencing hearing on Thursday heard that Bowes e-mailed the Scum of the World's news desk in April 2010, giving details about an investigation into the celebrity couple after their daughter, Princess Tiaamii, received 'a slight injury.' The investigation by child protection specialists showed that 'nothing untoward' had happened. Bowes, a police sergeant on the Sussex Police neighbourhood policing team, asked for anonymity in the e-mail, fearing - rightly - that he would lose his job and be prosecuted if it emerged that he was the one who passed the information into the public domain. He did not receive any money for the story which was printed with information supplied by another alleged 'source'. On a third occasion, Bowes offered information about the investigation into the serial killer Peter Tobin. Bowes claimed that he had details about 'a clairvoyant member of the public' who had contacted police to say there were bodies buried in Brighton. Bowes had pleaded extremely guilty, and has donated five hundred quid to the Crimestoppers charity, but Justice Fulford was having none of it and still jailed him. Bowes is the fifth current or former police officer imprisoned after prosecutions under the Met Police's Operation Elveden, which is investigating inappropriate payments from journalists to public officials.
A West Yorkshire Police report has found 'no evidence' that dirty old scallywag and rotter Jimmy Savile was protected from arrest or prosecution by his 'relationship' with the force. But it highlighted an 'over-reliance on personal friendships' between Savile and 'some officers,' and said that 'mistakes were made' in the handling of intelligence related to Savile and his wicked ways. The force's assistant chief constable admitted 'we did fail victims.' Hundreds of allegations of abuse by the former entertainer and DJ emerged after his death in October 2011. Speaking after publication of the report, Assistant Chief Constable Ingrid Lee said: 'They didn't know, the people engaged with Jimmy Savile, that actually there were these allegations against him. That's what our investigations found out,' she said. 'There clearly was information available that we should have tied together and we did fail victims in relation to tying that evidence together and we should have done. If he were alive today, there's absolutely no doubt that he would have had a number of questions to answer.' But, the report seemingly raises as many questions as it answers. How, for instance, can it be that West Yorkshire police have 'no record' of any allegations against Jimmy Savile while he was alive, as they claim, but have since received dozens of complaints of historical abuse? Why was a 1998 'anonymous letter' claiming that the presenter was a paedophile not entered on the force's database and acted upon? And how deeply did Savile's friendships with certain police officers really go? Then there are the mysterious links to the Yorkshire Ripper inquiry: the presenter's details were found on four 'index cards.' Perhaps a detective working on the case suspected that Savile might be involved. He wasn't, of course, but it adds to an uneasy sense that the review hasn't established the full story of Jimmy Savile's relationships with the Yorkshire police force. The West Yorkshire Police review, named Operation Newgreen, comes after a report by Her Majesty's Inspectorate of Constabulary highlighted 'failings' by police forces across Britain. West Yorkshire Police said there were 'currently seventy six crimes involving sixty eight victims committed in the West Yorkshire area relating to Savile,' but claimed that none of these were reported to the force before Savile's death. The youngest of these victims was five years old at the time and eight others were aged nine or under. 
The WYP report reveals that Savile was used to 'front' a number of the force's campaigns, including one called Talking Signs, where a recording of his voice was broadcast from lamp posts offering crime prevention advice. 'Don't get caught' being, apparently, the most important one. The report stressed that at the time he was 'seen by most of the public as a man who did good work.' That was certainly the position taken by, for instance, the then Prime Minister who counted Savile amongst her closest celebrity supporters. It concluded that there were concerns about 'the over-reliance on personal friendships that developed between Savile and some officers over a number of years. [Savile] was able to manage his public persona in such a way that he deceived most people he met. He was a manipulative man who exploited to the worst possible degree the trust people placed in him. This is little consolation to his victims and WYP accept there are lessons that must be learned and implemented quickly.' Part of the investigation looked at the disgraced broadcaster's so-called Friday Morning Club, after reports that officers regularly attended his flat in Leeds while on duty. The report said: 'In spite of the rumour and speculation surrounding this meeting, no evidence has been found of any police impropriety or misconduct.' The HMIC report published in March said police forces mishandled complaints and missed opportunities to apprehend Savile and highlighted failures of forces to share information with one another. In 2007, Surrey Police asked the West Yorkshire force to check what records it held relating to Savile in connection with its investigation at Duncroft School and an inquiry into suspected offences dating back to 1964. The latest report said that even after it had received this request, 'WYP continued to use him as part of local crime prevention campaigns. The reason for this was that the information was not shared across departments, there was no recognition of the impact of this information and no checks were made on intelligence systems in securing Savile's services.' The review also examined suggestions that Savile was a 'person of interest' in the Yorkshire Ripper inquiry in the late 1970s. Although they found thousands of record cards with information about men who had been spoken to it also discovered that many records had since been destroyed. The report insists: 'They contain scant information and do not indicate whether Savile was a "person of interest" to the inquiry team. The information held was his name, date of birth, home address and various reference numbers. It was not possible to establish the relevance of the reference numbers as a large proportion of the investigation paperwork had been destroyed in the 1980s.' 
But the review said: 'One card does make reference to Savile "offering his services" as an intermediary for the police, should The Ripper wish to make contact.' As a result of the WYP review, a separate inquiry will take place into reports that the Leeds Vice Squad had looked into allegations of indecent assault by Savile on two girls in the 1980s. The force said there was 'no record' of an investigation taking place, but have referred the matter to the IPCC as 'the information has come from a retired police officer who was clear in his assertion that an investigation was conducted into Savile.' A separate IPCC referral relates to an anonymous letter sent to Scotland Yard in 1998, which was forwarded to West Yorkshire Police. It claimed Savile had a 'secret life' and was 'a deeply committed paedophile.' The review team spoke to the Metropolitan police officer who is believed to have sent the letter to West Yorkshire Police by fax. He told them he had sent a number of other letters 'of a similar nature' to the force, but the report claimed that 'searches' by West Yorkshire and the Metropolitan Police did not manage to locate them. 'The review did find that mistakes were made in how WYP recorded and handled some intelligence relating to Savile. By 1998 process reviews, legislation, new technology and performance management have all been introduced to equip WYP to effectively and robustly manage its intelligence and information. However problems still occurred in how WYP dealt with the anonymous letter relating to Savile forwarded by MPS in 1998.' A lawyer representing forty of Savile's victims, Alan Collins, said that the report 'doesn't add up.' Collins told ITV's Daybreak: 'Savile was able to run rings around the police for decades. He used police officers. The report begs a lot more questions. It provides some answers but the report reveals memories that are not as sharp as perhaps they ought to be, "can't remember," documents that can't seem to be located.'
The film director Bryan Forbes has died 'following a long illness' at the age of eighty six, a family spokesman has said. Forbes' work included the original 1970s horror classic The Stepford Wives and Whistle Down The Wind. Brian was married to actress Nanette Newman and had two daughters, the TV presenter Emma Forbes and the journalist Sarah Standing. Brian died surrounded by his family at his home in Virginia Water, Surrey, family friend Matthew D'Ancona said. Forbes was made a CBE in 2004 for services to the arts and to the National Youth Theatre of Great Britain. He was awarded the Dilys Powell Award for outstanding contribution to cinema at the London Film Critics' Circle Awards in 2006. D'Ancona said: 'Bryan Forbes was a titan of cinema, known and loved by people around the world in the film and theatre industries and known in other fields including politics. He is simply irreplaceable and it is wholly apt that he died surrounded by his family.' Born John Theobald Clarke, in East London on 22 July 1926, made his screen acting début in 1948. He landed supporting parts in several notable British films including An Inspector Calls (1954) and The Colditz Story (1955) - but it was not long before screenwriting and directing lured him behind the camera. He published a short story collection in the early 1950s, which induced producer Cubby Broccoli to offer him screenwriting work on The Black Knight (1954). He received his first credit for Second World War film The Cockleshell Heroes (1955), while other early screenplays include I Was Monty's Double (1958) and The League of Gentlemen (1959), his breakthrough. Directed by Basil Dearden, Forbes also acted in the film, a bank heist caper carried out by a team of ex-army officers. It gained critical and commercial success, including Brian's first BAFTA nomination.
Brian's directing career began in 1961 with the classic Whistle Down the Wind, featuring child star Hayley Mills opposite Alan Bates. Forbes directed many more films in the 1960s and early 1970s, including the Oscar-nominated The L-Shaped Room (1962), The Wrong Box (1966), Séance on a Wet Afternoon (1964), Deadfall (1968) and The Raging Moon (1971), which starred Newman, whom he had married in 1954. He directed The Stepford Wives, based on the novel by Ira Levin, in 1975, and International Velvet, starring Tatum O'Neal, Anthony Hopkins and (again) Newman, in 1978. Forbes, who counted the late Queen Mother among his friends, continued directing, writing and acting throughout the 1980s and early 1990s. His final film as a screenwriter was Chaplin (1992), which he co-scripted for his frequent collaborator Richard Attenborough. He also found success as an author with a number of novels, the latest of which - The Soldier's Story - was published last year. Last June he told the Daily Scum Mail how he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1975 but doctors later admitted the diagnosis was wrong. In the same interview he said he would want to be remembered as 'somebody not taken in by fame.'
Oasis's former record company boss has announced that he is setting up a new label called 359 Music. Alan McGee who discovered the Manchester band, says it will be in partnership with London based label Cherry Red Records. In a statement he says he wants 359 Music to be a 'launchpad for new talent and some ignored older talent. We intend to release on average a dozen new bands per year every year,' he explained. 'Hopefully some of the artists will stick around and make numerous albums with 359, but some will go on to other things and that is just the nature of the musical beast.' McGee is best known for setting up the independent label, Creation Records in 1983. Their roster included at one time or another Primal Scream, Jesus and The Mary Chain and My Bloody Valentine. These were all critically acclaimed artists but financial problems lead to half the label being sold to Sony Records. It was then that McGee discovered Oasis who went on to become Creation's biggest commercial success. This was a first for an act on an independent label. In 1999, Alan closed Creation and sold the remaining assets to Sony. Alan says that he is not anticipating the same level of success with this new venture, 359 Music. 'There is no agenda of let's be the biggest, like Creation Records,' the label boss said. 'If in five years' time people who I respect and who love music turn round to me and say 359 Music has put out some great music, then that to me will be a success.' No artists have been announced for the label, but he has put out an open appeal for any budding musicians.
Yer actual David Bowie's latest video, which stars Gary Oldman and Marion Cotillard, was temporarily pulled from YouTube over its alleged 'graphic content.' 'The Next Day' features heavy religious imagery, including Cotillard bleeding from apparent stigmata marks. YouTube admitted making 'the wrong call' in removing the video, and reinstated it with an adult content warning. The former Archbishop of Canterbury Lord Carey has called the video 'juvenile' Lord Carey told the Torygraph: 'If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery perhaps Christians should not worry too much at such an exploitation of religious imagery. I doubt that Bowie would have the courage to use Islamic imagery - I very much doubt it. Frankly, I don't get offended by such juvenilia - Christians should have the courage to rise above offensive language, although I hope Bowie will recognise that he may be upsetting some people.' Perhaps he will, your Vicarship. Although, frankly, one might suggest that Lord Carey his very self may wish to consider some of Christianity's great gifts to the world - the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, bigotry, intolerance, the buggering of choirboys, only accepting that Galileo had been right about the Earth orbiting the sun four hundred years after he said it, that sort of thing - before casting aspersions upon the works of others. Judge not, lest ye be judged. The Gospel According to the Apostle Matthew, 7:1. And: Look not at the speck in other people's eye but the beam in your own. Matthew 7:3. And: Let he that is without sin cast the first stone. John, 8:7. Et cetera. Christians, eh. They so seldom appear to practice that which they so freely preach. 'The Next Day' is taken from Bowie's comeback CD of the same name. The video sees Bowie performing in a basement bar, surrounded by religious figures, while Oldman, dressed as a priest, punches a beggar before dancing with a prostitute, played by Oscar-winner Cotillard. A spokesman for YouTube said: 'With
And, on a somewhat related theme, is there life on mars? (Hey, yer actual Keith Telly Topping doesn't just throw these things together, you know). Well, it seems that there might be soon. More than seventy eight thousand people from one hundred and twenty different countries have so far applied to leave Earth and permanently move to the planet Mars. The openings come from a new reality television series from Dutch non-profit organisation Mars One. Their plan is to document a decade-long ambition to begin a new settlement on Mars. There is a two-year selection process, and those successful are expected to train for a further seven years for the project. Mars One's official website states that there have been seventeen thousand three hundred and twenty four applicants from America, over ten thousand from China alone and three thousand five hundred from the United Kingdom. Co-founder Bas Lansdorp said: 'With seventy eight thousand applications in two weeks, this is turning out to be the most desired job in history. These numbers put us right on track for our goal of half a million applicants.' He added: 'Mars One is a mission representing all humanity, and its true spirit will be justified only if people from the entire world are represented.' The deadline for online applications is 31 August. Applications from gullible billionaires are particularly welcome.
So, on Thursday evening, dear blog reader, yer actual Keith Telly Topping his very self - as usual - attended Uncle Scunthrope's latest Record Player event at the Tyneside. This one, as it happened, featured those God forsaken worshipers of The Horned Beast his very self, yer actual Black Sabbath and their début waxing. Not really yer actual Keith Telly Topping's scene, to be honest (I prefer something slightly more tuneful! And, besides, did we fight The Punk Wars for this?!) although it turned out to be pretty much as I remembered from hearing the LP the last time all the way through about thirty years ago at one of Hippy Kev Brennan's pot-smoking parties on Walker Road, 'a bit like Cream.' Especially, this one which is yer actual Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. But, it was still a terrific night with the usual crowd and I had a very nice tikka masala takeaway on the way home, so, you know, all thing considered, not a bad night all. Next week, we've got The Who on Monday at one of the Live Theatre specials and The Housemartins versus The Cure on Thursday back at the Tyneside - both much more my style.
Who, of course, already had several BAFTAs of his own. Which require regular polishing. 'We're also sending The Doctor's worst enemy, The Daleks, to exterminate lots of innocent people. Sorry, it's just what they do. Let us know if it's a Health and Safety issue.' concluded The Moffinator (Thou Shalt Worship No Other Gods Before He). Two Daleks will be sent along to 'patrol' the red carpet on Sunday as guests arrive before the big prawn-sandwich-and-back-slapping do. BAFTA chief executive Amanda Berry hailed the long-running popular family SF drama's 'quality and longevity' - hell, yeah! - and its 'ability to put the nation on their sofas or indeed behind them - year after year,' adding that the organisation 'raises a toast to Doctor Who on its fiftieth birthday.' The British Academy Television Awards will be hosted by Graham Norton at the Royal Festival Hall, London on Sunday 12 May. They will be broadcast from 8pm the same night on BBC1.The last episode of the current series pf Doctor Who is to have a specially-filmed prequel, it was announced this week. Entitled She Said, He Said, it has been written by showrunner The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat and will feature Jenna-Louise Coleman as Clara and Matt Smith as The Doctor. According to the show's official website, it will be 'one of the longest prequels' the show has had and will look at 'how little Clara knows about The Doctor. And vice versa.' The, if you will, 'minisode' will be made available from the official website and via the BBC's Red Button service straight after Nightmare in Silver ends in the UK this coming Saturday at 7.45pm. The series finale The Name of the Doctor is broadcast in on Saturday 18 May, with the time still to be confirmed.
Meanwhile, yer actual John Hurt has talked about his role in the forthcoming Doctor Who fiftieth anniversary special. The veteran actor will star opposite Matt Smith and David Tennant in the celebratory 3D episode later this year. Hurt has told Eastern Daily Press that he plays 'part of the Doctor' in 'a kind of trinity.' Which, of course, the Sun then chose to elaborate upon, complete with some suspiciously 'made-up' quotes from an, alleged, 'source.'
Cardboard cutouts have traditionally lined shop windows and the cinema foyer for many years, but now, dear blog reader, you too can decorate your own home, office, child’s bedroom or party venue of your choice with your favourite, movie, music or TV stars. For example, according to publicity blurb, 'this "Lifesize Cardboard Cutout of Clara Oswin Oswald from Doctor Who" measures one hundred and sixty centimetres high' and is 'sure to turn heads and wow visitors in equal measure! Joining the case of Doctor Who in Series Seven, Clara Oswin Oswald (played by Jenna-Louise Coleman) takes up the mantle from Amy Pond as The Doctor's new companion! This Clara Oswald standee is the perfect focus point of any themed party or a gift sure to delight the most avid fan. All cutouts are designed to be self supporting and are assembled within seconds. Alternatively it is possible to leave the supports flat and wall mount the standee as you wish. All lifesize stand-ups fold down for easy storage!' Or, if you've got stains on it that you don't want your mother to see. Possibly.
Broadchurch's Olivia Colman has revealed that she had an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction preparing for this weekend's BAFTA Awards. Colman, who is nominated for both Leading Actress and Female Performance In A Comedy Programme at this weekend's BAFTAs, admits on The Graham Norton Show that she had a 'mishap' while testing out her red carpet outfit. or, in other words, one of her tits fell out of the dress.
Well, it's happened to all of us, dear blog reader. Especially yer actual Keith Telly Topping, it's always happening to in in the dressing room at Stately Telly Topping Manor. 'I tried it on and the zip split and my boob fell out,; Olivia noted. 'And then it took two people to get me out of it. They had to cut the zip off. It was a bit embarrassing.' Colman is nominated for her work in bitter old Red Jimmy McGovern's misery-fest Accused and Twenty Twelve. The actress also revealed that the cast of Broadchurch had 'initially been sceptical' about plans for a sequel, but said that after hearing about the plot for series two she had come around to the idea. 'I know a lot of us in it, when the producer said they were thinking about number two, thought, "It was great, leave well alone,"' she said. 'But then they talked us through the idea and we all said, "Oh, that's very good." But I can't say anything.' Although, you already have. Anyway ... The Apprentice shed around eight hundred thousand overnight viewers for its second episode on Wednesday evening. However, it was still comfortably the most watched show outside of soaps, bringing in 5.21 million viewers at 9pm. Earlier on BBC1, Watchdog attracted 4.21m at 8pm, while the hastily compiled Sir Alex Ferguson documentary Fergie Time was seen by 2.06m at 10.45pm.
On BBC2, Nature's Weirdest Events secured 1.12m at 7pm, followed by Coast with 1.64m at 8pm. The new series Bankers: Fixing the System attracted eight hundred and fifty thousand at 9pm. The Apprentice: You're Fired! held steady with 1.83m punters at 10pm. ITV's All Star Mr & Mrs was watched by 4.02m at 8pm. Scott & Bailey climbed from last week's audience to 4.67m at 9pm. On Channel Four, Phil Spencer: Secret Agent brought in 1.06m at 8pm, while Twenty Four Hours in A&E had an audience of two million at 9pm. Ten O'Clock Live dropped over three hundred thousand punters week-on-week viewers to six hundred and one thousand at 10pm. The final episode of the disastrous The Intern was seen by just one hundred and forty one thousand at 11pm. Chances of a second series? Two hopes - Bob Hope and no hope. Channel Five's NCIS was watched by 1.12m at 9.15pm. Broadcasters, and particularly those at the BBC, can breathe a sigh of relief – the Daily Scum Mail odious louse of a TV correspondent - and risible plank - Paul Revoir is leaving the paper after nearly seven years. Like all Scum Mail specialist reporters, Revoir has had the nigh-on impossible task of remaining on speaking terms with industry contacts while serving up his overlords' required diet of outrage at BBC alleged left-wing bias (actually, pretty much everything the BBC does) – along with regular beastings for the TV industry generally over repeats, on-screen sleaze, off-screen sleaze, repeats. And do so with scummish enthusiasm.
How Revoir suffered for his art over the years, at times copping flak for Scum Mail articles that weren't even under his byline. There was the run-in with Jay Hunt at an industry drinks bash after the Scum Mail's notorious 'Dumbed down blonde to run BBC1' headline, and another time when a frank exchange of words with Paul Jackson about the Scum Mail's I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) coverage at a Soho Hotel press launch ended with the ITV entertainment boss allegedly calling him a word that rhymes with 'banker.' However, Revoir will always have the honour of having a journalistic ploy named after him – then lack of culture secretary the vile and odious rascal Hunt once told an RTS Cambridge convention he wasn't going to be lured into a 'Paul Revoir-style' trap – encouraged to make a negative comment about the BBC, thus providing a handy Scum Mail page lead. Sod off scum, you won't be missed. Sunday Brunch presenter and former Soccer AM host (when it used to be good) Tim Lovejoy will host a new weekend magazine sports show on BT Sport. Lovejoy was among the new signings announced this week along with a bunch of former and current players. BT which will launch its three channels BT Sport 1, BT Sport 2 and ESPN later this year.
It was previously announced that Clare Balding will have a weekly sports magazine chat show, which will feature interviews and debates about the biggest talking points in sport. Balding's show will also shine a light on women's sport. Given Lovejoy's frequent digs at women's football (which he regularly and infamously described as 'monkey tennis' during his time on Soccer AM), that should make the BT staff canteen a lively venue. Journalist and broadcaster Des Kelly will host his own series Life's A Pitch, while former England defender Rio Ferdinand will be working with the channel as a football pundit and programme-maker. BT revealed its pricing details, which set the broadcaster up for a head-to-head battle with Sky. BT Broadband users will have access to BT Sports's thirty eight Premier League football matches and all their other sports coverage, for free. Non-BT Broadband users can sign up for twelve smackers-a-month (fifteen quid in HD). Meanwhile, a couple of Rio's former The Scum team-mates, malingering little shit Michael Owen and Owen Hargreaves are among the latest list of presenters, commentators and experts signed up by BT Sport. A pair of workshy sicknote carriers who spent more time on the treatment table than actually playing during their careers.
One sincerely hopes for BT's sake, that isn't something which will be repeated as they move into broadcasting otherwise the Sickness Benefit claims could be staggeringly big. Steve McManaman, ex-England goalkeeper Calamity James and Premier League referee Mark Halsey are also part of the BT Sport team of alleged football 'experts.' Which, in Halsey's case in particular, is the biggest joke about this entire venture. Lot's hope he's a bit better at spotting fouls when he's sitting in the commentary box as he was when officiating. A new version of the 1970s historical drama Poldark is among four drama commissions announced by the BBC this week. Outgoing BBC1 controller Danny Cohen has ordered a new adaptation of Winston Graham's Cornish romantic saga.
Tony Jordan (Life on Mars and Hustle among many others) will also write Dickensian for the channel - the drama is based on the works of Charles Dickens and will see characters from the author's novels cross paths in 'the most surprising of ways.' Two further projects in the works at BBC1 are Our Zoo - a six-part period drama about the man who created Chester Zoo in the 1930s - and Blackpool creator Peter Bowker's From There To Here - set in the aftermath of 1996's IRA Manchester bombing of The Arndale Shopping Centre. 'It has been a joy and privilege to commission programmes for BBC1,' said Cohen. 'I hope audiences enjoy the range and creative ambitions of these new dramas for the channel.' FOX is reportedly considering reviving 24. The network is said to be 'mulling over' bringing the award-winning, real-time and tool-stiffeningly violent espionage drama back to screens with a limited series of a fixed number of episodes. Kiefer Sutherland is, these reports claim, 'in early talks' to reprise his role as counter-terrorism specialist and one-man armed-plated killing machine Jack Bauer, according to Deadline.
Homeland executive producer Howard Gordon - who was 24's final showrunner - reportedly pitched the idea of an 'event series' to FOX after plans for a 24 movie failed to get off the ground. As most movies-based-on-cancelled-TV-series tend to for the simple reason that if you can't get people to watch a show, for free, on TV, who in their right mind is going to go and pay to see a movie based on it at the cinema? If the project moves forward, it is understood that Gordon will produce through his company Teakwood Lane, which is based at Twentieth Century Fox Television. Sutherland's supernatural drama Touch was recently cancelled by FOX after two seasons. The actor said as recently as last month that he still hoped a 24 movie would move forward, although Antoine Fuqua - who was attached to direct the film - expressed his own doubts that the big-screen project would ever get off the ground.
The WYP report reveals that Savile was used to 'front' a number of the force's campaigns, including one called Talking Signs, where a recording of his voice was broadcast from lamp posts offering crime prevention advice. 'Don't get caught' being, apparently, the most important one. The report stressed that at the time he was 'seen by most of the public as a man who did good work.' That was certainly the position taken by, for instance, the then Prime Minister who counted Savile amongst her closest celebrity supporters. It concluded that there were concerns about 'the over-reliance on personal friendships that developed between Savile and some officers over a number of years. [Savile] was able to manage his public persona in such a way that he deceived most people he met. He was a manipulative man who exploited to the worst possible degree the trust people placed in him. This is little consolation to his victims and WYP accept there are lessons that must be learned and implemented quickly.' Part of the investigation looked at the disgraced broadcaster's so-called Friday Morning Club, after reports that officers regularly attended his flat in Leeds while on duty. The report said: 'In spite of the rumour and speculation surrounding this meeting, no evidence has been found of any police impropriety or misconduct.' The HMIC report published in March said police forces mishandled complaints and missed opportunities to apprehend Savile and highlighted failures of forces to share information with one another. In 2007, Surrey Police asked the West Yorkshire force to check what records it held relating to Savile in connection with its investigation at Duncroft School and an inquiry into suspected offences dating back to 1964. The latest report said that even after it had received this request, 'WYP continued to use him as part of local crime prevention campaigns. The reason for this was that the information was not shared across departments, there was no recognition of the impact of this information and no checks were made on intelligence systems in securing Savile's services.' The review also examined suggestions that Savile was a 'person of interest' in the Yorkshire Ripper inquiry in the late 1970s. Although they found thousands of record cards with information about men who had been spoken to it also discovered that many records had since been destroyed. The report insists: 'They contain scant information and do not indicate whether Savile was a "person of interest" to the inquiry team. The information held was his name, date of birth, home address and various reference numbers. It was not possible to establish the relevance of the reference numbers as a large proportion of the investigation paperwork had been destroyed in the 1980s.' 
But the review said: 'One card does make reference to Savile "offering his services" as an intermediary for the police, should The Ripper wish to make contact.' As a result of the WYP review, a separate inquiry will take place into reports that the Leeds Vice Squad had looked into allegations of indecent assault by Savile on two girls in the 1980s. The force said there was 'no record' of an investigation taking place, but have referred the matter to the IPCC as 'the information has come from a retired police officer who was clear in his assertion that an investigation was conducted into Savile.' A separate IPCC referral relates to an anonymous letter sent to Scotland Yard in 1998, which was forwarded to West Yorkshire Police. It claimed Savile had a 'secret life' and was 'a deeply committed paedophile.' The review team spoke to the Metropolitan police officer who is believed to have sent the letter to West Yorkshire Police by fax. He told them he had sent a number of other letters 'of a similar nature' to the force, but the report claimed that 'searches' by West Yorkshire and the Metropolitan Police did not manage to locate them. 'The review did find that mistakes were made in how WYP recorded and handled some intelligence relating to Savile. By 1998 process reviews, legislation, new technology and performance management have all been introduced to equip WYP to effectively and robustly manage its intelligence and information. However problems still occurred in how WYP dealt with the anonymous letter relating to Savile forwarded by MPS in 1998.' A lawyer representing forty of Savile's victims, Alan Collins, said that the report 'doesn't add up.' Collins told ITV's Daybreak: 'Savile was able to run rings around the police for decades. He used police officers. The report begs a lot more questions. It provides some answers but the report reveals memories that are not as sharp as perhaps they ought to be, "can't remember," documents that can't seem to be located.'The film director Bryan Forbes has died 'following a long illness' at the age of eighty six, a family spokesman has said. Forbes' work included the original 1970s horror classic The Stepford Wives and Whistle Down The Wind. Brian was married to actress Nanette Newman and had two daughters, the TV presenter Emma Forbes and the journalist Sarah Standing. Brian died surrounded by his family at his home in Virginia Water, Surrey, family friend Matthew D'Ancona said. Forbes was made a CBE in 2004 for services to the arts and to the National Youth Theatre of Great Britain. He was awarded the Dilys Powell Award for outstanding contribution to cinema at the London Film Critics' Circle Awards in 2006. D'Ancona said: 'Bryan Forbes was a titan of cinema, known and loved by people around the world in the film and theatre industries and known in other fields including politics. He is simply irreplaceable and it is wholly apt that he died surrounded by his family.' Born John Theobald Clarke, in East London on 22 July 1926, made his screen acting début in 1948. He landed supporting parts in several notable British films including An Inspector Calls (1954) and The Colditz Story (1955) - but it was not long before screenwriting and directing lured him behind the camera. He published a short story collection in the early 1950s, which induced producer Cubby Broccoli to offer him screenwriting work on The Black Knight (1954). He received his first credit for Second World War film The Cockleshell Heroes (1955), while other early screenplays include I Was Monty's Double (1958) and The League of Gentlemen (1959), his breakthrough. Directed by Basil Dearden, Forbes also acted in the film, a bank heist caper carried out by a team of ex-army officers. It gained critical and commercial success, including Brian's first BAFTA nomination.
Brian's directing career began in 1961 with the classic Whistle Down the Wind, featuring child star Hayley Mills opposite Alan Bates. Forbes directed many more films in the 1960s and early 1970s, including the Oscar-nominated The L-Shaped Room (1962), The Wrong Box (1966), Séance on a Wet Afternoon (1964), Deadfall (1968) and The Raging Moon (1971), which starred Newman, whom he had married in 1954. He directed The Stepford Wives, based on the novel by Ira Levin, in 1975, and International Velvet, starring Tatum O'Neal, Anthony Hopkins and (again) Newman, in 1978. Forbes, who counted the late Queen Mother among his friends, continued directing, writing and acting throughout the 1980s and early 1990s. His final film as a screenwriter was Chaplin (1992), which he co-scripted for his frequent collaborator Richard Attenborough. He also found success as an author with a number of novels, the latest of which - The Soldier's Story - was published last year. Last June he told the Daily Scum Mail how he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1975 but doctors later admitted the diagnosis was wrong. In the same interview he said he would want to be remembered as 'somebody not taken in by fame.'Oasis's former record company boss has announced that he is setting up a new label called 359 Music. Alan McGee who discovered the Manchester band, says it will be in partnership with London based label Cherry Red Records. In a statement he says he wants 359 Music to be a 'launchpad for new talent and some ignored older talent. We intend to release on average a dozen new bands per year every year,' he explained. 'Hopefully some of the artists will stick around and make numerous albums with 359, but some will go on to other things and that is just the nature of the musical beast.' McGee is best known for setting up the independent label, Creation Records in 1983. Their roster included at one time or another Primal Scream, Jesus and The Mary Chain and My Bloody Valentine. These were all critically acclaimed artists but financial problems lead to half the label being sold to Sony Records. It was then that McGee discovered Oasis who went on to become Creation's biggest commercial success. This was a first for an act on an independent label. In 1999, Alan closed Creation and sold the remaining assets to Sony. Alan says that he is not anticipating the same level of success with this new venture, 359 Music. 'There is no agenda of let's be the biggest, like Creation Records,' the label boss said. 'If in five years' time people who I respect and who love music turn round to me and say 359 Music has put out some great music, then that to me will be a success.' No artists have been announced for the label, but he has put out an open appeal for any budding musicians.
Yer actual David Bowie's latest video, which stars Gary Oldman and Marion Cotillard, was temporarily pulled from YouTube over its alleged 'graphic content.' 'The Next Day' features heavy religious imagery, including Cotillard bleeding from apparent stigmata marks. YouTube admitted making 'the wrong call' in removing the video, and reinstated it with an adult content warning. The former Archbishop of Canterbury Lord Carey has called the video 'juvenile' Lord Carey told the Torygraph: 'If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery perhaps Christians should not worry too much at such an exploitation of religious imagery. I doubt that Bowie would have the courage to use Islamic imagery - I very much doubt it. Frankly, I don't get offended by such juvenilia - Christians should have the courage to rise above offensive language, although I hope Bowie will recognise that he may be upsetting some people.' Perhaps he will, your Vicarship. Although, frankly, one might suggest that Lord Carey his very self may wish to consider some of Christianity's great gifts to the world - the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, bigotry, intolerance, the buggering of choirboys, only accepting that Galileo had been right about the Earth orbiting the sun four hundred years after he said it, that sort of thing - before casting aspersions upon the works of others. Judge not, lest ye be judged. The Gospel According to the Apostle Matthew, 7:1. And: Look not at the speck in other people's eye but the beam in your own. Matthew 7:3. And: Let he that is without sin cast the first stone. John, 8:7. Et cetera. Christians, eh. They so seldom appear to practice that which they so freely preach. 'The Next Day' is taken from Bowie's comeback CD of the same name. The video sees Bowie performing in a basement bar, surrounded by religious figures, while Oldman, dressed as a priest, punches a beggar before dancing with a prostitute, played by Oscar-winner Cotillard. A spokesman for YouTube said: 'With
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