Danny Baker's Great Album Showdown concluded its three-night run with yet another superb episode on Thursday covering soul, funk and RnB featuring Mica Paris (she can talk for England, that lass), Trevor Nelson (whom I must admit, this blogger has never been the greatest fan of but who I rather warmed to due to his enthusiasm and knowledge of his subject) and yer actual Martin Freeman alongside Dan The Man. Please, make this a regular feature, Beeb4, it's such a simple format but so well done. One of the best moments in the final episode was discovering that Dan's first LP purchased in the genre was the same as yer actual Keith Telly Topping, Motown Charbusters Voume 3. Taste.
Meanwhile, another of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's broadcasting weapons of choice, King Charlie Brooker and his Weekly Wipe has set its target on ITV‘s miserably lightweight and disappointingly well-watched Saturday evening bellyflop Z-List Celebrity Drowning. 
Describing it as 'the most unedifying example of celebrity plummeting since Rod Hull,' Charlie, it would seem, is firmly on the side of those critics who have savaged the series for its utter arseishness. The, alleged, 'celebrity' diving series concluded its first run on Saturday evening with a peak audience of over six million crushed victims of society and was immediately given a second season renewal, a desperately sad indictment of the shite which passes for 'entertainment' on ITV these days. Z-List Celebrity Drowning's popularity with viewers has largely been put down to the presence of Tom Daley – who is present in every episode in a pair of tight swimming trunks – rather than its unimpressive line-up of z-list celebrities.
Yer actual Keith Telly Topping was rather stunned - but delighted - to discover that he got one more point than the lad on Friday night's episode of Mastermind who was answering questions of Joy Division (fancy not knowing that Martin Hannett produced A Factory Sampler). And no passes, either. Sadly, as usual, the general knowledge round knackered me. Before that, I was watching The Great British Menu, also on Beeb2, and was slightly startled to discover that one of the chefs was presenting 'Chocolate Snow' to the judges. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping always believed that was what it was called when you got taken a bit short outdoors in the Arctic Circle. Anyway ...
Sarah Ferguson, the Grand Old Duchess of York (she had ten thousand quid), is among one hundred and forty four people who have won substantial damages after settling their phone-hacking claims against the Scum of the World, the high court has heard. But, because she's a former member of the royal family, she gets mentioned first before all the rest of the plebs. Apparently. Ferguson is one of seventeen individuals who demanded an full and frank public apology from the disgraced and disgraceful tabloid's publisher, News International, at the high court in London on Friday morning. Others who had statements read out in open court after receiving damages include the actor Hugh Grant and Geoffrey Robinson, the Labour MP. Damages have also been awarded to singer James Blunt, the late Jade Goody's ex-partner Jeff Brazier, former Doctor Who actor Christopher Eccleston and Uri Geller, who is believed to have been targeted because of his 'friendship' with Michael Jackson. June Sarpong, the TV presenter and Chris Terrill, the BBC film-maker who had a relationship with Heather Mills, also accepted damages for invasion of their privacy by the tabloid. Former Atomic Kitten member, reality TV regular and all-round waste-of-space Kerry Katona and Colin Stagg, who was wrongly accused of the murder of Rachel Nickell, have also won considerable damages. Stagg is one of the few whose damages figure was revealed – he was awarded fifteen thousand quid. Edwina Pitman, a freelance journalist who worked in a Mayfair gallery frequented by Jeffrey Archer, was also awarded 'substantial' damages, as was Richard Reardon, Charlotte Church's parish priest. Others to take News International to the cleaners included two journalists, Hannah Cleaver and Edward Hynds and Hillary Perrin, the director of regional organisation of the Labour party. Hugh Tomlinson QC, for the phone-hacking victims, told Mr Justice Vos that one hundred and forty four out of one hundred and sixty nine cases had settled out of court. However, he said that twenty six cases remained on the books including six new cases. He added that 'we anticipate that the number will be greatly reduced in the next few weeks.' He said seven of these 'appeared to be definitely going to trial.' Which is something that News International has been desperate to avoid at all costs. Tomlinson said that he expected more cases to come through the high court after News International's decision to close its private compensation scheme in April. He said that he expected 'more than ten but less than one hundred' new cases. Ferguson, who was married to Prince Andrew from 1986 to 1996, noticed unusual activity on her phone between 2000 and 2006. 'The claimant also noticed that journalists and/or photographers appeared to know her location in advance meaning that when she arrived at functions or planned events, it was often that journalists or photographers were already present,' the court heard. Lawyers for News International told Vos that it 'now accepts' that 'they targeted the claimant and the voicemail messages left on the claimant's mobile phone were intercepted for the News of the World over a considerable period of time.' The company grovellingly offered 'its sincere apologies for the damage and distress caused.' And, loads of cash to help soften the hurt of their crimes. Edwina Pitman was not a friend of Archer, but became a target of the Scum of the World simply because of their interest in him and put her under surveillance and hacked her phone. 'Not only had the claimant's voicemail messages been access and listened to by or on behalf of the first defendant but recordings had been made of them,' said her solicitor, Chris Hutchings. The court heard that Hugh Grant was targeted 'at various times from about 2004 until the closure' of the Scum of the World in 2011. 
His voicemail was intercepted because of his leading roles in movies, but also because of his 'well-known relationships and friendships with various high-profile women.' Grant said that he was 'unable to understand' how details about his private life came to be published and he was contacted by Operation Weeting police in 2011 and was told that his name and other information appeared in documents seized in 2006 in relation to a Scum of the World phone-hacking case. The court heard that Grant was 'shocked and distressed to discover considerable evidence that indicated that he was targeted' and that he had been placed under surveillance. Grant was also 'particularly distressed to learn that he had wrongly mistrusted and avoided friends and acquaintances in the past' because of the phone-hacking. He accepted a humiliating public apology from News International and said that he would be donating his settlement money to Hacked Off, the lobby group campaigning for reform of press regulations. Brazier, who had two children with Goody, who died from cancer in 2009, was targeted from 2002, the court heard. He was contacted by the police in late 2011 and found that a number of details about his private life appeared in a file prepared for the Scum of the World on both himself and Goody. The high court was told private details were in an address book of a journalist at the Scum of the World including a temporary address which Brazier had only stayed at for a short time between house moves. The address of a shop which Brazier had visited only once or twice was also in the address book. Brazier's statement said that the 'unlawful activities' by the Scum of the World had caused distrust between him and Goody and led to arguments during their relationship. 'The claimant is very distressed that he can now never apologise to Ms Goody for the times that he did not believe her despite her denials that she was the source of particular private information in the public domain,' it added. Charlotte Church's parish priest, Richard Reardon, was targeted because of his close links to the singer and her family. The court heard he 'often spoke to them about their personal troubles as they felt comfortable talking to him' and felt the 'sacrosanct relationship between a parish priest and a parishioner has been violated.' Church and her family have already received a massive six hundred grand payout from News International, including legal costs. Geoffrey Robinson, the former paymaster general and former owner of the New Statesman, said that he was 'upset' voicemails containing 'highly sensitive political information' could have been hacked by the Scum of the World. June Sarpong, the TV and radio presenter, was the subject of hacking and 'blagging' by the tabloid. She believes that the paper was interested in her private life and her interviews with high-profile individuals including Prime Minister Tony Blair and US President Bill Clinton. She was told that her voicemail security number had been reset. Chris Terrill, who was engaged to Heather Mills before she become involved in a relationship with Sir Paul McCartney, was also the subject of hacking and 'blagging.' A statement read out in court said that he 'experienced suspicious telephone activity' during 2005 and 2006 and frequently experienced paparazzi and journalists 'turning up where he was without any idea as to how they knew he was there.' Eccleston said that he was 'shocked and distressed' to be told by police his voicemail had been hacked repeatedly on sixteen separate occasions. One example of an article which arose directly from hacking concerned an 'entirely private holiday' he took at a remote cottage in Cornwall. The former Doctor Who actor said he was 'deeply angry and upset' that 'owing to the deliberate destruction of documents by the News of the World, he will never find out the true extent to which his privacy and that of those close to him, was invaded.' Geller was in court, to hear a joint statement read out including a grovelling public apology from News International and accepted damages and costs. The court was told that Hynds, an investigative journalist, was targeted because of his relationship with Colin Stagg, whom he had worked with over nineteen years and won 'substantial' costs. Stagg remained of interest to the media even after his acquittal and refused to speak to anyone in the media except through Hynds, who also wrote a book about his case. 
News International initially defended Hynd's claim arguing it had 'no merit' but, it now accepts that the journalist was of interest to the Scum of the World, at least in 2002. The court heard that Stagg had two mobile phones but rarely answered them because he preferred to screen them by using his voicemail first. Many of the calls were from Hynds and contained outlines of press stories the pair were preparing. When contacted by Operation Weeting officers, it emerged that private details including his name, address, date of birth and mobile phone number and private medical details were included in notes the police had in 2006. Katona, whose private life regularly featured in the Scum of the World, was the subject of hacking and 'blagging' by the paper, the court was told. 'She was considered to be newsworthy and of interest because of her personal relationships, including in particular, her marriage to another well-known singer, Brian McFadden,' the court heard. A number of articles appeared in the paper which contained 'deeply personal and private details including about her pregnancy, her children's health, her childcare and custody arrangements, her family relationships, her personal relationships and her financial affairs.' This, the court heard, had led her to distrust her friends and family whom she suspected to leaking information to the paper. She received 'substantial' damages and legal costs. The partner of Lord Prescott's chief of staff also accepted damages on Friday. Merul Shayur Mehta, who lives with Joan Hammell, was the target of hacking and blagging, the court heard. He accepted 'substantial' damages from the paper as did Hilary Perrin, who was the director of regional organisation of the Labour party. Perrin was 'particularly disturbed' to find that the Scum of the World had put a private investigator on a surveillance operation on her for several months. News International is still facing twenty six damages claims, which were listed in court as those taken by the former nanny Louise Woodward, the boxer Chris Eubank, Princess Diana's former butler Paul Burrell, the former police officer and Crimewatch presenter Jacqui Hames and her husband, David Cook, and Jane Winter, who worked at a northern Irish charity, British Irish Rights Watch. TV and entertainment PR Ian Johnson, who represents clients including the actor James Nesbitt, has also not settled yet his claim. Nor has Tara Palmer-Tompkinson, EastEnders actress Jessie Wallace, the executors of Jade Goody's estate, Brian Harvey, the former boyfriend of Katona and Tony Woodley, a union executive. Six new cases were also confirmed at the high court on Friday, including claims made by the former Crystal Palace FC owner Simon Jordan and Nigel Lythgoe, the TV producer behind American Idol.
The BBC Trust has approved a twelve-month trial which will see selected BBC TV shows broadcast online ahead of their scheduled TV transmission. The trial will see up to forty hours of programming across a range of genres initially available on the BBC iPlayer. Until now, the BBC's online-only content has been limited to pilots and one-off shows such as the Doctor Who web series Pond Life.
Last year saw a record number of requests for programmes on the iPlayer. Overall 2012 saw 2.32 billion requests for TV and radio programmes, a rise on the 1.94 billion recorded in 2011. The announcement comes at a time when streaming services such as Netflix and Hulu are booming in the US. Last November Virgin Media launched TV Anywhere, an Internet TV service which streams programmes to computers, tablets and smartphones. The BBC iPlayer is still dwarfed by scheduled television broadcasts and only accounts for about two per cent of all of the BBC's viewing figures. According to media analyst Claire Enders, though, the BBC can afford to take the risk. 'This is a very interesting experiment to see how much people follow specific shows,' she told the Daily Torygraph. 'The BBC accounts for about twenty per cent of all viewing in this country, and it is such a significant force that it can afford to experiment.' Last week Netflix premiered the entire series of the US remake of House of Cards online, bypassing traditional networks entirely. No data has yet been made available on whether the decision to stream the series to paying subscribers has been a success.
Smack The Pony's Doon Mackichan is to star in 'a semi-improvised hairdressing comedy' for BBC4. Currently shooting in the London suburb of South Ruislip, where it is set, Quick Cuts is described as 'a sitcom crossed with a sketch show.' A scripted, sitcom element traces the staff's lives, but their interactions with customers are short, partly improvised sketches. A camera acts as the salon's mirror, with the shop environment described as 'one big dysfunctional co-dependent family.' Mackichan plays Sue, the salon's owner, with Paul Reynolds as her 'dodgy' boyfriend, Trevor. 
Jessica Gunning, OT Fagbenle and Jane Dowden, who plays a male to female transsexual, are the 'bad, screwed up, unreliable or dishonest' stylists. Dowden's character, Marianne, is thought to have been conceived before the BBC launched its drive to include more transgender characters in its programming. According to producer Catherine Bailey, the show's script employs a similar process of workshops and improvisation to The Thick Of It, with the 'sitcom very much structured and written but with some of the customer scenes, involving a big cast of cameos, improvised.' Both writer Georgia Pritchett, whose credits include Smack The Pony and Miranda and director Natalie Bailey have previously worked on the political comedy. As with The Thick Of It, and Jo Brand's hospital sitcom Getting On, Quick Cuts will initially run for three thirty minute episodes on BBC4, with an option for more to be commissioned. Filming wraps by the end of next month. but no broadcast date has been set.
Lucy Adams, the BBC's director of human resources, has delivered an interim report to the BBC Trust which suggests that although the corporation 'needs to understand how staff feel' about its culture, it does not seem to have a 'specific problem' with sexual harassment and bullying. Adams' assertion was revealed in the minutes – published on Thursday – of a BBC Trust meeting held in December. According to the BBC, the Trust noted the comments about the BBC not having a problem with sexual harassment and bullying based on Adams' testimony to them. 'Trust members noted the [Adams] review's finding that the BBC's whistle-blowing policies and practices were compliant with the law and best practice,' the December minutes stated. 'They also noted that, although the [BBC] executive had not done an interim report, there did not seem to be a specific problem at the BBC in relation to sexual harassment and bullying.' Adams is overseeing an internal review into BBC practices following the Jimmy Savile fiasco and is expected to publish the findings on the issue of child protection and whistle-blowing at the BBC in the spring. However, the task of investigating the issue of sexual harassment and bullying at the BBC in the wake of the Savile affair is being overseen separately by Dinah Rose QC, who will publish a report. These reports are examining the wider cultural problem at the BBC, while a separate review specifically into the activities of dirty old scallwag and rotter Savile himself is currently being undertaken by court of appeal judge Dame Janet Smith. Rose's report will be called Respect at Work while Adams' report does not yet have an official title but will focus on whistle-blowing and child-protection. 
The minutes published on Thursday recorded a discussion at a BBC Trust meeting held at the corporation's New Broadcasting House headquarters on 19 December. This was the same day as the publication of the Pollard review into the decision not to air a Newsnight report on the Savile sex abuse allegations and its aftermath, and the separate MacQuarrie report on the BBC2 current affairs flagship's disastrous Lord McAlpine story. The Adams and Rose reviews were ordered by the chair of the BBC Trust, Lord Patten, following allegations made in the wake of the Savile scandal regarding the conduct of some BBC staff over many years, and are expected to be published separately in the spring. Rose is examining claims of sexual harassment at the BBC and the organisation's practices on the issue over the past forty years, after allegations that there was a 'culture of endemic sexism' and harassment at the broadcaster. Following the Savile scandal, a series of former BBC female staff members have made allegations about sexual misconduct against former colleagues. Asked, in a spectacularly shit-stirring way by the Gruniad Morning Star, whether the Trust minutes and Adams interim report has 'pre-empted' Rose's report, an alleged BBC 'source' said that the HR director's assertions were 'based on her own experiences of the corporation' while making her findings and were not designed to pre-empt the other review. Sadly, this alleged 'source' didn't then tell the Gruniad Morning Star to go sod itself which this blogger certainly would have. The BBC issued a statement which said: 'We will be publishing our Respect at Work report prepared with the assistance of Dinah Rose QC, and also our review of the BBC child protection and whistle-blowing policies, in the spring. These are very important pieces of work for the BBC as we want to ensure we are getting things right in these areas.'
ITV director of factual and daytime Alison Sharman is quitting after seven years in the job, as part of a restructuring of the department. Jo Clinton-Davis, ITV controller of popular factual, will take interim responsibility for the department, which ITV will reorganise following Sharman's departure at the end of this month. During her seven-year tenure Sharman's responsibilities included arts strand Perspectives, Long Lost Family, Paul O'Grady: For the Love of Dogs and Britain's Secret Treasures. She also oversaw the spectacularly disappointing launch of breakfast flop Daybreak in 2010, after being involved in negotiating the high profile defection of presenters odious greed bucket (and drag) Adrian Chiles and the curiously orange Christine Bleakley from the BBC. ITV director of television Peter Fincham said: 'I would like thank Alison for all that she has achieved in her seven years at ITV, and for her key contribution to building a strong foundation in factual and daytime. We have had an excellent start to 2013 across all programming genres and as part of the senior commissioning team, Ali has been integral to that success. I wish her all the very best in all future ventures.' Sharman added: 'It's been a privilege to lead the factual and daytime commissioning team and to work with some of ITV's best talent and I am sure that ITV will keep going from strength to strength. I would like to thank everyone for their continued support and encouragement and I now look forward to exploring new opportunities.'
The Gruniad Morning Star has added further pieces to the puzzling jigsaw of mist concerning just who, exactly, 'contacted' Delia Smith 'on behalf of the BBC' about the celebrity chef working with the corporation again. Earlier this week the doyenne of TV chefs said at a trade show that she was calling time on her broadcasting career to set up the Delia Online Cookery School. She claimed that after her three year Waitrose contract ended: 'The BBC called me up and said, "What can we do?"
And I said, "No, thank you."' However the corporation subsequently said that it could find 'no record' of any executives having spoken to Delia, according to the Daily Mirra. That was, it would seem, because the approaches were made by independent production companies working with, but not for, the Beeb. Delia's agent told the Gruniad: 'Delia was interviewed off the cuff and it was one of those things that got blown up. Over the past few months when her Waitrose contract was coming to an end we had a number of phone calls from a number of independents, the huge majority of which make programmes for the BBC. I said thanks very much but she is not going to be doing more TV series, she has been planning her new venture for ages. She's angry that people are not cooking, she's on a mission to get people cooking. It will be her biggest mission yet.'
Lord Alan Sugar-Sweetie has confirmed that there will not be another series of Young Apprentice. The entrepreneur took to Twitter to respond to a user's query as to whether the reality show would be making a return to BBC1. The series, which ran for three series between 2010 and 2012 and starred aides Nick Hewer and Karren Brady, offered teenagers between the ages of sixteen and seventeen the opportunity to win an investment for their business plans. There had been rumours that the broadcaster was 'not keen' to renew Young Apprentice following poor viewing figures for the series which was broadcast last year. Sugar-Sweetie also confirmed that the new run of The Apprentice would be shown 'late spring this year.'
Being Human creator Toby Whithouse has written a blog about the news that the show will not be returning after its current fifth series. The writer and creator said that he could understand fan disappointment, but praised the BBC for its encouragement and support with the supernatural series, which he described as 'the little show that could. A preposterous idea, an epic and circuitous development process, a modest budget - no, we really shouldn't have lasted,' wrote Whithouse, who admitted that he couldn't believe his project had spawned thirty seven episodes, American and online spin-offs and three novels. 
Whithouse thanked his team of writers and various actors across the five series - who have included Russell Tovey, Lenora Crichlow, Aiden Turner, Michael Socha and Damien Molony. Speaking about the BBC's support for the series, he praised the broadcaster's 'unprecedented level of creative latitude.' He also suggested that it was time for the show to move on to 'make space for the next Being Human.' Finally, he talked about a 'thrilling and shocking' ending to the current series five and said that he hoped it would 'keep the fans guessing and speculating for years to come. Once the credits on episode six roll, the future of all those characters will exist in the imagination of the audience, to do with as they please,' said Whithouse. 'But in a way the show always did belong to the fans. Their tenacity, passion and loyalty are what kept the show going and provided inspiration to everyone working on it.'
The Royal Shakespeare Company is to take a season of plays to Newcastle, two years after its annual visits were scrapped due to funding cuts. The company had sent a season to the city every year from 1977 to 2010. It is returning for a three-week residency at the Newcastle Theatre Royal in October and November. It will take Hamlet, All's Well That Ends Well and As You Like It, the score for which is being composed by folk singer Laura Marling.
'Our special relationship with the North East of England is a source of great pride to the company,' said the RSC's artistic director Gregory Doran. 'The audiences in Newcastle are wonderful and the actors enjoy their time performing in this great cultural city very much.' 'The RSC is a wonderful, and truly iconic company,' said Philip Bernays, chief executive of the Theatre Royal. 'It is an honour to have it back at their northern home.' The announcement comes as the Theatre Royal and other Newcastle venues face uncertainty over their funding, following a city council announcement that it plans to scrap its arts budget. The RSC season will not be on the scale of previous years, when the company would take over multiple theatres in the city.
Hateful, whinging old gasbag, horrorshow (and drag) Sir Alex Ferguson believes the demands of live television have made the English domestic football fixture list so daunting for teams involved in Europe that their chances of success are being jeopardised. Yes, the manifest unfairness of life - shocking, so it is. 'We're not giving our teams a chance to be successful in Europe,' said The Scum's manager, whose side are at home to Everton in a Premier League game at 4pm on Sunday and then travel to Spain for a Champions League match at Real Madrid on Wednesday. 'There's no fairness at all,' Ferguson blubbed like a five year old whose had their chocolate taken from them. 'It's ridiculous to think that we play on the Sunday and Real Madrid play on the Saturday with that extra day's rest. Other countries in Europe make sacrifices for their top teams in Europe.' Ferguson went on to whinge that the 'physical demands' of facing Everton and Real in such close proximity dictate that he will have to indulge in radical squad rotation. 'It will be different teams,' he said. 'The team on Sunday will not be the team that plays on Wednesday. What can you do? Not turn up? I've complained about it. Do you think they listened?' he said, accepting that the idea of boycotting an inconveniently scheduled television fixture must remain a fantasy. 'I'd love to do that,' he acknowledged. Despite The Scum's nine-point lead at the top of the Premier League, Ferguson regards his plan to field two different teams in Manchester and Madrid as 'a necessity' rather than a luxury.
'It wouldn't matter what our position in the league was it would be about common sense and using our squad,' he said. 'I trust the squad of players I've got, they're all internationals, they're all good players and there's not one reason why I can't play them all in different team selections. The players are all buying into it very well, all contributing in their own way and all giving us a better chance in the various competitions we're in.' Ferguson's usual twisty sour-faced mood was not improved on Friday when he was fined twelve grand after being found guilty of misconduct by the Football Association. And about bloody time, too. The charge – which The Scum's manager denied – was brought after his verbal attack on the assistant referee Simon Beck following the 1-1 draw at Stottingtot Hotshots last month. Before being forced to write a cheque to the FA, The Scum's manager had expressed his annoyance with one of its key employees, Stuart Pearce, after the England Under-21 coach's revelation that Phil Jones was suffering from shingles. 'Phil Jones should be okay irrespective of Stuart Pearce coming out and declaring he had shingles, which we thought was confidential,' Ferguson said. 'We're disappointed. It's something we have to address. You hope these things don't happen but it's difficult. You're dealing with a big unit in terms of the FA in terms of how news can leak out. In this case, it shouldn't have gone any further than our doctor's confidence and their doctor's confidence.'
Channel Four has been rewarded for its acclaimed coverage of the London 2012 Paralympics by being granted the UK television rights to the Rio 2016 Paralympics and the Sochi Winter Paralympics in 2014. As part of the deal – the first two-Games TV deal agreed by the International Paralympic Committee – Channel Four has committed to broadcasting more than forty five hours of coverage from the Sochi Games, and five hundred hours from Rio. The IPC president Sir Philip Craven said: 'With London 2012, Channel Four created a blueprint for how a commercial broadcaster can raise the profile of Paralympic sport and its athletes to new levels. They reached record audiences, in particular of young people, identified and developed some fantastic new presenting talent, and played a significant role in delivering seismic shifts in attitudes and perceptions towards people with an impairment in the UK.'
Channel Four's audience during the London 2012 Paralympics peaked at 4.2 million for Oscar Pistorius's gold medal in the T44 four hundred metres and retained a regular peak-time audience of more than two million. The popular The Last Leg programme featuring Adam Hills, Josh Widdicombe and Alex Brooker, which also attracted more than one million views for its end-of-Games hour-long special, will return for Sochi and Rio. Channel Four will cover a number of major international para-sport events in the buildup to the Games, including the IPC world athletics championships in Lyon, and the IPC swimming world championships in Montreal.
And so to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. This one features on Motown Chartbusters Volume 3 and is, therefore, especially for Dan The Man as thank you for three quite brilliant hours of television this week. It's also, of course, a Northern Soul masterpiece. And, quite possibly, one of the half-dozen greatest records ever made by anyone. Ever. So there.
Describing it as 'the most unedifying example of celebrity plummeting since Rod Hull,' Charlie, it would seem, is firmly on the side of those critics who have savaged the series for its utter arseishness. The, alleged, 'celebrity' diving series concluded its first run on Saturday evening with a peak audience of over six million crushed victims of society and was immediately given a second season renewal, a desperately sad indictment of the shite which passes for 'entertainment' on ITV these days. Z-List Celebrity Drowning's popularity with viewers has largely been put down to the presence of Tom Daley – who is present in every episode in a pair of tight swimming trunks – rather than its unimpressive line-up of z-list celebrities.Yer actual Keith Telly Topping was rather stunned - but delighted - to discover that he got one more point than the lad on Friday night's episode of Mastermind who was answering questions of Joy Division (fancy not knowing that Martin Hannett produced A Factory Sampler). And no passes, either. Sadly, as usual, the general knowledge round knackered me. Before that, I was watching The Great British Menu, also on Beeb2, and was slightly startled to discover that one of the chefs was presenting 'Chocolate Snow' to the judges. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping always believed that was what it was called when you got taken a bit short outdoors in the Arctic Circle. Anyway ...
His voicemail was intercepted because of his leading roles in movies, but also because of his 'well-known relationships and friendships with various high-profile women.' Grant said that he was 'unable to understand' how details about his private life came to be published and he was contacted by Operation Weeting police in 2011 and was told that his name and other information appeared in documents seized in 2006 in relation to a Scum of the World phone-hacking case. The court heard that Grant was 'shocked and distressed to discover considerable evidence that indicated that he was targeted' and that he had been placed under surveillance. Grant was also 'particularly distressed to learn that he had wrongly mistrusted and avoided friends and acquaintances in the past' because of the phone-hacking. He accepted a humiliating public apology from News International and said that he would be donating his settlement money to Hacked Off, the lobby group campaigning for reform of press regulations. Brazier, who had two children with Goody, who died from cancer in 2009, was targeted from 2002, the court heard. He was contacted by the police in late 2011 and found that a number of details about his private life appeared in a file prepared for the Scum of the World on both himself and Goody. The high court was told private details were in an address book of a journalist at the Scum of the World including a temporary address which Brazier had only stayed at for a short time between house moves. The address of a shop which Brazier had visited only once or twice was also in the address book. Brazier's statement said that the 'unlawful activities' by the Scum of the World had caused distrust between him and Goody and led to arguments during their relationship. 'The claimant is very distressed that he can now never apologise to Ms Goody for the times that he did not believe her despite her denials that she was the source of particular private information in the public domain,' it added. Charlotte Church's parish priest, Richard Reardon, was targeted because of his close links to the singer and her family. The court heard he 'often spoke to them about their personal troubles as they felt comfortable talking to him' and felt the 'sacrosanct relationship between a parish priest and a parishioner has been violated.' Church and her family have already received a massive six hundred grand payout from News International, including legal costs. Geoffrey Robinson, the former paymaster general and former owner of the New Statesman, said that he was 'upset' voicemails containing 'highly sensitive political information' could have been hacked by the Scum of the World. June Sarpong, the TV and radio presenter, was the subject of hacking and 'blagging' by the tabloid. She believes that the paper was interested in her private life and her interviews with high-profile individuals including Prime Minister Tony Blair and US President Bill Clinton. She was told that her voicemail security number had been reset. Chris Terrill, who was engaged to Heather Mills before she become involved in a relationship with Sir Paul McCartney, was also the subject of hacking and 'blagging.' A statement read out in court said that he 'experienced suspicious telephone activity' during 2005 and 2006 and frequently experienced paparazzi and journalists 'turning up where he was without any idea as to how they knew he was there.' Eccleston said that he was 'shocked and distressed' to be told by police his voicemail had been hacked repeatedly on sixteen separate occasions. One example of an article which arose directly from hacking concerned an 'entirely private holiday' he took at a remote cottage in Cornwall. The former Doctor Who actor said he was 'deeply angry and upset' that 'owing to the deliberate destruction of documents by the News of the World, he will never find out the true extent to which his privacy and that of those close to him, was invaded.' Geller was in court, to hear a joint statement read out including a grovelling public apology from News International and accepted damages and costs. The court was told that Hynds, an investigative journalist, was targeted because of his relationship with Colin Stagg, whom he had worked with over nineteen years and won 'substantial' costs. Stagg remained of interest to the media even after his acquittal and refused to speak to anyone in the media except through Hynds, who also wrote a book about his case. 
News International initially defended Hynd's claim arguing it had 'no merit' but, it now accepts that the journalist was of interest to the Scum of the World, at least in 2002. The court heard that Stagg had two mobile phones but rarely answered them because he preferred to screen them by using his voicemail first. Many of the calls were from Hynds and contained outlines of press stories the pair were preparing. When contacted by Operation Weeting officers, it emerged that private details including his name, address, date of birth and mobile phone number and private medical details were included in notes the police had in 2006. Katona, whose private life regularly featured in the Scum of the World, was the subject of hacking and 'blagging' by the paper, the court was told. 'She was considered to be newsworthy and of interest because of her personal relationships, including in particular, her marriage to another well-known singer, Brian McFadden,' the court heard. A number of articles appeared in the paper which contained 'deeply personal and private details including about her pregnancy, her children's health, her childcare and custody arrangements, her family relationships, her personal relationships and her financial affairs.' This, the court heard, had led her to distrust her friends and family whom she suspected to leaking information to the paper. She received 'substantial' damages and legal costs. The partner of Lord Prescott's chief of staff also accepted damages on Friday. Merul Shayur Mehta, who lives with Joan Hammell, was the target of hacking and blagging, the court heard. He accepted 'substantial' damages from the paper as did Hilary Perrin, who was the director of regional organisation of the Labour party. Perrin was 'particularly disturbed' to find that the Scum of the World had put a private investigator on a surveillance operation on her for several months. News International is still facing twenty six damages claims, which were listed in court as those taken by the former nanny Louise Woodward, the boxer Chris Eubank, Princess Diana's former butler Paul Burrell, the former police officer and Crimewatch presenter Jacqui Hames and her husband, David Cook, and Jane Winter, who worked at a northern Irish charity, British Irish Rights Watch. TV and entertainment PR Ian Johnson, who represents clients including the actor James Nesbitt, has also not settled yet his claim. Nor has Tara Palmer-Tompkinson, EastEnders actress Jessie Wallace, the executors of Jade Goody's estate, Brian Harvey, the former boyfriend of Katona and Tony Woodley, a union executive. Six new cases were also confirmed at the high court on Friday, including claims made by the former Crystal Palace FC owner Simon Jordan and Nigel Lythgoe, the TV producer behind American Idol.The BBC Trust has approved a twelve-month trial which will see selected BBC TV shows broadcast online ahead of their scheduled TV transmission. The trial will see up to forty hours of programming across a range of genres initially available on the BBC iPlayer. Until now, the BBC's online-only content has been limited to pilots and one-off shows such as the Doctor Who web series Pond Life.
Last year saw a record number of requests for programmes on the iPlayer. Overall 2012 saw 2.32 billion requests for TV and radio programmes, a rise on the 1.94 billion recorded in 2011. The announcement comes at a time when streaming services such as Netflix and Hulu are booming in the US. Last November Virgin Media launched TV Anywhere, an Internet TV service which streams programmes to computers, tablets and smartphones. The BBC iPlayer is still dwarfed by scheduled television broadcasts and only accounts for about two per cent of all of the BBC's viewing figures. According to media analyst Claire Enders, though, the BBC can afford to take the risk. 'This is a very interesting experiment to see how much people follow specific shows,' she told the Daily Torygraph. 'The BBC accounts for about twenty per cent of all viewing in this country, and it is such a significant force that it can afford to experiment.' Last week Netflix premiered the entire series of the US remake of House of Cards online, bypassing traditional networks entirely. No data has yet been made available on whether the decision to stream the series to paying subscribers has been a success.
Jessica Gunning, OT Fagbenle and Jane Dowden, who plays a male to female transsexual, are the 'bad, screwed up, unreliable or dishonest' stylists. Dowden's character, Marianne, is thought to have been conceived before the BBC launched its drive to include more transgender characters in its programming. According to producer Catherine Bailey, the show's script employs a similar process of workshops and improvisation to The Thick Of It, with the 'sitcom very much structured and written but with some of the customer scenes, involving a big cast of cameos, improvised.' Both writer Georgia Pritchett, whose credits include Smack The Pony and Miranda and director Natalie Bailey have previously worked on the political comedy. As with The Thick Of It, and Jo Brand's hospital sitcom Getting On, Quick Cuts will initially run for three thirty minute episodes on BBC4, with an option for more to be commissioned. Filming wraps by the end of next month. but no broadcast date has been set. 
The minutes published on Thursday recorded a discussion at a BBC Trust meeting held at the corporation's New Broadcasting House headquarters on 19 December. This was the same day as the publication of the Pollard review into the decision not to air a Newsnight report on the Savile sex abuse allegations and its aftermath, and the separate MacQuarrie report on the BBC2 current affairs flagship's disastrous Lord McAlpine story. The Adams and Rose reviews were ordered by the chair of the BBC Trust, Lord Patten, following allegations made in the wake of the Savile scandal regarding the conduct of some BBC staff over many years, and are expected to be published separately in the spring. Rose is examining claims of sexual harassment at the BBC and the organisation's practices on the issue over the past forty years, after allegations that there was a 'culture of endemic sexism' and harassment at the broadcaster. Following the Savile scandal, a series of former BBC female staff members have made allegations about sexual misconduct against former colleagues. Asked, in a spectacularly shit-stirring way by the Gruniad Morning Star, whether the Trust minutes and Adams interim report has 'pre-empted' Rose's report, an alleged BBC 'source' said that the HR director's assertions were 'based on her own experiences of the corporation' while making her findings and were not designed to pre-empt the other review. Sadly, this alleged 'source' didn't then tell the Gruniad Morning Star to go sod itself which this blogger certainly would have. The BBC issued a statement which said: 'We will be publishing our Respect at Work report prepared with the assistance of Dinah Rose QC, and also our review of the BBC child protection and whistle-blowing policies, in the spring. These are very important pieces of work for the BBC as we want to ensure we are getting things right in these areas.'ITV director of factual and daytime Alison Sharman is quitting after seven years in the job, as part of a restructuring of the department. Jo Clinton-Davis, ITV controller of popular factual, will take interim responsibility for the department, which ITV will reorganise following Sharman's departure at the end of this month. During her seven-year tenure Sharman's responsibilities included arts strand Perspectives, Long Lost Family, Paul O'Grady: For the Love of Dogs and Britain's Secret Treasures. She also oversaw the spectacularly disappointing launch of breakfast flop Daybreak in 2010, after being involved in negotiating the high profile defection of presenters odious greed bucket (and drag) Adrian Chiles and the curiously orange Christine Bleakley from the BBC. ITV director of television Peter Fincham said: 'I would like thank Alison for all that she has achieved in her seven years at ITV, and for her key contribution to building a strong foundation in factual and daytime. We have had an excellent start to 2013 across all programming genres and as part of the senior commissioning team, Ali has been integral to that success. I wish her all the very best in all future ventures.' Sharman added: 'It's been a privilege to lead the factual and daytime commissioning team and to work with some of ITV's best talent and I am sure that ITV will keep going from strength to strength. I would like to thank everyone for their continued support and encouragement and I now look forward to exploring new opportunities.'
The Gruniad Morning Star has added further pieces to the puzzling jigsaw of mist concerning just who, exactly, 'contacted' Delia Smith 'on behalf of the BBC' about the celebrity chef working with the corporation again. Earlier this week the doyenne of TV chefs said at a trade show that she was calling time on her broadcasting career to set up the Delia Online Cookery School. She claimed that after her three year Waitrose contract ended: 'The BBC called me up and said, "What can we do?"
And I said, "No, thank you."' However the corporation subsequently said that it could find 'no record' of any executives having spoken to Delia, according to the Daily Mirra. That was, it would seem, because the approaches were made by independent production companies working with, but not for, the Beeb. Delia's agent told the Gruniad: 'Delia was interviewed off the cuff and it was one of those things that got blown up. Over the past few months when her Waitrose contract was coming to an end we had a number of phone calls from a number of independents, the huge majority of which make programmes for the BBC. I said thanks very much but she is not going to be doing more TV series, she has been planning her new venture for ages. She's angry that people are not cooking, she's on a mission to get people cooking. It will be her biggest mission yet.' Lord Alan Sugar-Sweetie has confirmed that there will not be another series of Young Apprentice. The entrepreneur took to Twitter to respond to a user's query as to whether the reality show would be making a return to BBC1. The series, which ran for three series between 2010 and 2012 and starred aides Nick Hewer and Karren Brady, offered teenagers between the ages of sixteen and seventeen the opportunity to win an investment for their business plans. There had been rumours that the broadcaster was 'not keen' to renew Young Apprentice following poor viewing figures for the series which was broadcast last year. Sugar-Sweetie also confirmed that the new run of The Apprentice would be shown 'late spring this year.'
Whithouse thanked his team of writers and various actors across the five series - who have included Russell Tovey, Lenora Crichlow, Aiden Turner, Michael Socha and Damien Molony. Speaking about the BBC's support for the series, he praised the broadcaster's 'unprecedented level of creative latitude.' He also suggested that it was time for the show to move on to 'make space for the next Being Human.' Finally, he talked about a 'thrilling and shocking' ending to the current series five and said that he hoped it would 'keep the fans guessing and speculating for years to come. Once the credits on episode six roll, the future of all those characters will exist in the imagination of the audience, to do with as they please,' said Whithouse. 'But in a way the show always did belong to the fans. Their tenacity, passion and loyalty are what kept the show going and provided inspiration to everyone working on it.'The Royal Shakespeare Company is to take a season of plays to Newcastle, two years after its annual visits were scrapped due to funding cuts. The company had sent a season to the city every year from 1977 to 2010. It is returning for a three-week residency at the Newcastle Theatre Royal in October and November. It will take Hamlet, All's Well That Ends Well and As You Like It, the score for which is being composed by folk singer Laura Marling.
'Our special relationship with the North East of England is a source of great pride to the company,' said the RSC's artistic director Gregory Doran. 'The audiences in Newcastle are wonderful and the actors enjoy their time performing in this great cultural city very much.' 'The RSC is a wonderful, and truly iconic company,' said Philip Bernays, chief executive of the Theatre Royal. 'It is an honour to have it back at their northern home.' The announcement comes as the Theatre Royal and other Newcastle venues face uncertainty over their funding, following a city council announcement that it plans to scrap its arts budget. The RSC season will not be on the scale of previous years, when the company would take over multiple theatres in the city.Hateful, whinging old gasbag, horrorshow (and drag) Sir Alex Ferguson believes the demands of live television have made the English domestic football fixture list so daunting for teams involved in Europe that their chances of success are being jeopardised. Yes, the manifest unfairness of life - shocking, so it is. 'We're not giving our teams a chance to be successful in Europe,' said The Scum's manager, whose side are at home to Everton in a Premier League game at 4pm on Sunday and then travel to Spain for a Champions League match at Real Madrid on Wednesday. 'There's no fairness at all,' Ferguson blubbed like a five year old whose had their chocolate taken from them. 'It's ridiculous to think that we play on the Sunday and Real Madrid play on the Saturday with that extra day's rest. Other countries in Europe make sacrifices for their top teams in Europe.' Ferguson went on to whinge that the 'physical demands' of facing Everton and Real in such close proximity dictate that he will have to indulge in radical squad rotation. 'It will be different teams,' he said. 'The team on Sunday will not be the team that plays on Wednesday. What can you do? Not turn up? I've complained about it. Do you think they listened?' he said, accepting that the idea of boycotting an inconveniently scheduled television fixture must remain a fantasy. 'I'd love to do that,' he acknowledged. Despite The Scum's nine-point lead at the top of the Premier League, Ferguson regards his plan to field two different teams in Manchester and Madrid as 'a necessity' rather than a luxury.
'It wouldn't matter what our position in the league was it would be about common sense and using our squad,' he said. 'I trust the squad of players I've got, they're all internationals, they're all good players and there's not one reason why I can't play them all in different team selections. The players are all buying into it very well, all contributing in their own way and all giving us a better chance in the various competitions we're in.' Ferguson's usual twisty sour-faced mood was not improved on Friday when he was fined twelve grand after being found guilty of misconduct by the Football Association. And about bloody time, too. The charge – which The Scum's manager denied – was brought after his verbal attack on the assistant referee Simon Beck following the 1-1 draw at Stottingtot Hotshots last month. Before being forced to write a cheque to the FA, The Scum's manager had expressed his annoyance with one of its key employees, Stuart Pearce, after the England Under-21 coach's revelation that Phil Jones was suffering from shingles. 'Phil Jones should be okay irrespective of Stuart Pearce coming out and declaring he had shingles, which we thought was confidential,' Ferguson said. 'We're disappointed. It's something we have to address. You hope these things don't happen but it's difficult. You're dealing with a big unit in terms of the FA in terms of how news can leak out. In this case, it shouldn't have gone any further than our doctor's confidence and their doctor's confidence.' Channel Four has been rewarded for its acclaimed coverage of the London 2012 Paralympics by being granted the UK television rights to the Rio 2016 Paralympics and the Sochi Winter Paralympics in 2014. As part of the deal – the first two-Games TV deal agreed by the International Paralympic Committee – Channel Four has committed to broadcasting more than forty five hours of coverage from the Sochi Games, and five hundred hours from Rio. The IPC president Sir Philip Craven said: 'With London 2012, Channel Four created a blueprint for how a commercial broadcaster can raise the profile of Paralympic sport and its athletes to new levels. They reached record audiences, in particular of young people, identified and developed some fantastic new presenting talent, and played a significant role in delivering seismic shifts in attitudes and perceptions towards people with an impairment in the UK.'
And so to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. This one features on Motown Chartbusters Volume 3 and is, therefore, especially for Dan The Man as thank you for three quite brilliant hours of television this week. It's also, of course, a Northern Soul masterpiece. And, quite possibly, one of the half-dozen greatest records ever made by anyone. Ever. So there.
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