So, we start off today's From The North update with the only news that's really important in the wide, wide world of entertainment, dear blog reader. Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill will be leaving Doctor Who during the next series, it has been confirmed. The actors will depart their roles as The Doctor's companions Amy Pond and Rory Williams midway through the show's seventh run in late 2012 in what was described as a 'heartbreaking end.' Whether that means cruel, ruthless, cold-hearted bastard The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat (Thou Shalt Worship No Other Gods Before He) will be killing one or both of the characters off (No!) or, merely, that it'll be sad to see the departure of two such popular characters, we'll have to wait to find out. But oi, Moffat, I'm watching you! The very Moffster himself confirmed at a press screening that Matt Smith's Time Lord will then be joined by 'a new friend', who has yet to be cast. 'The final days of the Ponds are coming during the next series,' he said. 'I'm not telling you when or how, but that story is going to come to a heartbreaking end. 
Then The Doctor will meet a new friend.' Moffat added that he believes River Song (Alex Kingston) will make a return appearance next year, though it is unknown if the character will be involved in the exit storyline for her parents, Amy and Rory. Smith stated: 'The show will miss the Ponds, brilliantly played by Karen and Arthur, but the great thing about Doctor Who is its ability to change. We had the most incredible journey. We took over the show and we've really had to hold hands and help each other through it. So it's very disappointing, but one has to remember that this show is about change and regeneration, and that's what galvanises it and pushes it forwards.' Gillan and Darvill both made their Doctor Who debut as Amy and Rory in the first episode of the show's fifth series in 2010. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping is a huge admirer of both and will, of course, be sad to see them go. But, like the man once said, 'it is the end, but the moment has been prepared for.'
Thankfully, Philip Glenister is nothing like his on-screen character Gene Hunt, because the Gene Genie would never have been caught dead attending the National Ballet as Glenister was photographed doing this week.
Gene would probably go down the cells and give some nonce a good shoeing at the very thought of such a discombobulation. Glenister, forty eight, even showed off a couple of dance moves as he was reunited with his Ashes To Ashes co-star luscious and pouting Keeley Hawes, who played Alex Drake in the popular BBC Telefantasy crime drama. The pair looked delighted to see each other as they mingled with the dancers from the production of the Christmas favourite, The Nutcracker, at the reception which was held at the St Martin's Lane Hotel in London. Hawes wasn't the only time-traveller to meet up with Glenister either, as they was also joined by John Simm, Glenister's co-star in Life On Mars, the prequel to Ashes to Ashes, and the show in which the character of Hunt was first seen. And it proved to be an even bigger reunion for Glenister and Simm as also they bumped into ex-Hustle actor Marc Warren who starred alongside them in the drama Mad Dogs last year and also appeared in one of the best Life on Mars episodes. It's to be hoped they all had a very nice night.
Jason Donovan has described the BBC's decision to screen this year's Strictly Come Dancing final in 3D as 'an incredible step forward' for the broadcaster.
The Australian actor and singer, who is facing Harry Judd and Chelsee Healey in this weekend's Blackpool Tower showdown, admitted that he is jealous of viewers who could watch the spectacle at home. 'I think 3D is an incredible step forward for the BBC and this show. It's the perfect opportunity to showcase what is available with this technology,' said Donovan at this week's finalists' press conference. 'It's going to be an amazing night. I wish I could be watching it at home with a glass of wine in my hand, looking at people strutting their stuff. 3D. Wow, big thing.' Looks even bigger in 3D, apparently. Which is a good thing in the case of little Harry. 'Robbie Savage won't be doing any hip thrusts on Saturday night that's for sure. Craig Revel Horwood in 3D, that's going to be interesting as well!'
Blue Peter is to be cut from two episodes a week to one in the new year. The long-running BBC children's magazine programme, which recently moved from London to the BBC's northern base in Salford, has been broadcast since 1958.
From Thursday 12 January it will be aired first on CBBC, with a repeat the following day on BBC1, according to the Radio Times. The BBC said that the show will now run all year round rather than taking its annual summer break, with a number of specials in addition to the regular weekly edition, including a series on Blue Peter presenter Helen Skelton's polar challenge. Blue Peter is currently screened on Monday and Tuesday.
It is nine days until the nation settles down on the sofa to watch the Downton Abbey Christmas special (and, by 'the nation', we mean lots of middle-class Gruniad readers, basically. Another ten million will be watching EastEnders and Absolutely Fabulous on the other side, and then there's about thirty odd million people who'll probably be watching neither). But already a row is brewing over alleged fashion faux pas on the eagerly anticipated ITV drama. At stake is the reputation of Downton Abbey's carefully costumed characters, with one alleged 'expert' allegedly claiming that the show's alleged fashion sense is allegedly woefully out of step with the times. And, that the show's army officers fail the military moustache test. Tony Jackson, former editor of Shooting Times magazine (no, me neither), seized on a publicity still for the two-hour special which showed the men of the house going on a pheasant shoot wearing leather gaiters. 'The episode is set in 1919-1920, but the guns are dressed in the garb of the 1890s. No driven game shot in the twenties would have been seen wearing leather gaiters,' Jackson said in a letter to – where else? – the Daily Torygraph. 'All would have worn plus fours, stockings, leather boots and, possibly, light coloured spats. This was even the dress in the early 1900s. Only loaders wore gaiters.' The programme's creator, Lord Snooty Julian Fellowes, is notoriously sensitive (to the point of being decidedly prickly) about viewers who point out apparent anachronisms in the ITV drama, once telling them: 'The real problem is with people who are insecure socially.' He also, infamously, tried to shoehorn politics into the equation by once whinging about 'the left' making trouble. Ironic, really when, as previously noted, the vast majority of such utterly pointless whinging usually takes place in letters to those two great bastions of leftist attitudes, the Torygraph and the Daily Scum Mail.
He later admitted that he should not have got 'the hump.' No shit, Sherlock. But the latest accusations may test his patience to the full. Jackson told BBC Radio 4's World at One that the drama also failed the moustache test. 'Officers in the period in the first world war nearly always wore a moustache. In fact I have got a feeling it may have been a mandatory military command to have a hirsute upper lip.' In fact, as anyone who watched a recent episode of Qi will know, such regulations did exist up to the start of the first world war but were then abandoned (a point which guest panellist David Mitchell found particularly hilarious). Downton Abbey's producers said 'many hours of research' had gone into the programme's costumes to ensure that 'they are of the period and nothing is out of place. So much so that the costume department has a picture of men in gaiters way before 1922,' they said. Historical anachronisms in the first series of Downton Abbey included the use of the word 'boyfriend', a stray TV aerial getting into shot, a modern conservatory and double yellow lines on a road. Fellowes, who won an Oscar for Gosford Park, admitted it was 'sloppy' to have let the aerial slip through. The Christmas special of the show, which will return for a third series next year and was nominated for four Golden Globes on Thursday, is the centrepiece of ITV's Christmas schedule. Artist and Downton Abbey fan Maggi Hambling, who also appeared on the World at One, said concerns about the show's historical accuracy had been overstated. 'Most people would give anything for one minute of [Dame] Maggie Smith. These marvellous moments are far greater than complaints about gaiters.' Yeah. So, stick that in yer Shooting Times, Tone. Or, you know, not.
And, speaking of no shit, Sherlock, which we presume and trust it very much wont be, details for the second episode of Sherlock series two - The Hounds of the Baskerville, have begun to emerge. The episode, which will be broadcast on 8 January will, of course, be adapted from Arthur Conan Doyle's iconic novel The Hound of the Baskervilles, probably the single most famous Sherlock Holmes story of them all - and certainly the one that'll be most familiar to most viewers. A BBC press release states:
'A Hound from Hell. A terrified young man. Sherlock's most famous case. But is a monster really stalking Dartmoor? Something terrible has happened to Henry Knight. Sherlock and John investigate the truth about the monstrous creature which apparently killed their client's father. But what seems like fantasy in Baker Street is a very different prospect in the ultra-secret army base that looms over Dartmoor.' Ooo, exciting stuff by the sounds of it. It'll be interesting to see how Sherlock tackles such an iconic text. We know that Being Human's Russell Tovey will play Henry Knight, who will likely take the place of Henry Baskerville from the original novel. Andrew Scott will also reprise his role as the flamboyantly over-the-top Jim Moriarty in the episode. The episode, as you'd probably expect for a story so steeps in Gothic horror traditions, has been written by Hammer's biggest fan, Mark Gatiss.
The private investigator who tailed more than one hundred celebrities and public figures including Prince William for the Scum of the World, has described the steps he claims the paper took to make him an accredited journalist. Derek Webb told the Leveson inquiry on Thursday that he had 'no experience or qualifications' as a journalist and would never have described himself as one. But in January 2009, he was asked to give up his licence as a private detective and to become a member of the National Union of Journalists. He was also asked to stop using his company name, Silent Shadow Services, and to change his e-mail address. 'I changed it from Silent Shadow to Shadow Watch – they wanted it changed from Shadow Watch,' he told the Leveson inquiry. He then started to use the name 'Derek Webb Media' in his e-mail address. He said it was easy to become an NUJ member. He filled in a form, putting his job down as a 'researcher.' Asked if he suddenly became a journalist, Webb said: 'No.' He added he would have described himself as 'freelance researcher cum journalist.' Asked what he was doing, he said: 
'Surveillance.' Asked if anything changed at all since he was a private investigator from 2003 to 2009, he replied: 'Nothing.' Seems he spent most of his time giving one-word answers, by the sound of things. His evidence comes just a day after Tom Crone, the former legal chief of Scum of the World, testified that he believed that Webb was an accredited freelance journalist. Crone told the inquiry he 'had never been particularly keen' on the use of private detectives and he understood that certain 'strictures' on their use had been introduced when Colin Myler arrived as editor of Scum of the World. Crone told Leveson: 'They weren't quite banned [at the Scum of the World] but there were strictures on use of private detectives when Mr Myler came in.' Webb also told the inquiry how he had tailed the wife of one footballer for a month. 'It was hard work,' he said. 'She went everywhere.' What, including my house? The rotter.
Meanwhile, oily, odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Piers Morgan, former editor of the Daily Mirra and the Scum of the World, is to appear before the Leveson inquiry next week. His appearance was confirmed by a CNN spokeswoman in New York, where he is based for the filming of his TV chat show Piers Morgan Tonight, who said that oily, odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Morgan would be giving testimony at some point next week. 'He's appearing next week, but we don't have a confirmed date yet,' said Megan McPartland. Oily, odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Morgan is expected to be questioned about various public statements he has made about celebrities, phone-hacking and his experience at the helm of two of the country's best-selling newspapers. Oily, odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Morgan is expected to give evidence by video link from New York. At twenty eight, oily odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Morgan was appointed editor of the Scum of the World, making him the youngest tabloid newspaper editor in history. He was editor of the Daily Mirra for more than ten years but was sacked, in disgrace, in 2004 after the newspaper conceded that photos which it had published apparently showing British soldiers abusing an Iraqi were fake. In a statement the Mirra claimed that it had fallen victim to a 'calculated and malicious hoax' and that it would be 'inappropriate' for Morgan to continue. Oily, odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Morgan famously claimed in a GQ magazine interview in 2007 that phone-hacking was 'widespread' and that 'loads of newspaper journalists were doing it' when Clive Goodman and Glenn Mulcaire were jailed in January of that year. He has never, to this day, explained how he knew this or cited any specifics of which journalists he was referring to. Asked by the model Naomi Campbell in the interview whether he knew about voicemail interception while he was editor of Scum of the World, oily odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Morgan said: 'I was there in 1994-95, before mobiles were used very much, and that particular trick wasn't known about. I can't get too excited about it, I must say.
It was pretty well known that if you didn't change your pin code when you were a celebrity who bought a new phone, then reporters could ring your mobile, tap in a standard factory setting number and hear your messages. That is not, to me, as serious as planting a bug in someone's house, which is what some people seem to think was going on.' Morgan agreed that voicemail interception was an invasion of privacy, adding: 'But loads of newspaper journalists were doing it. Clive Goodman, the News of the World reporter, has been made the scapegoat for a very widespread practice.' A year earlier, in 2006, Morgan wrote an article for the Daily Scum Mail claiming that he was played a tape of a message Paul McCartney left on the mobile phone of Heather Mills. 'The couple had clearly had a tiff, Heather had fled to India, and Paul was pleading with her to come back,' he said in the article. 'He sounded lonely, miserable and desperate, and even sang 'We Can Work It Out' into the answerphone.' Oily, odious and wretched horroshow (and drag) Morgan subsequently described Mills' allegation that he had listened to her voicemail messages as 'unsubstantiated' and has insisted that he, personally, had never hacked anyone's phone.
Thursday night's final of MasterChef: The Professionals had an overnight audience of 3.33m on BBC2 (3.5m with BBC HD viewers included), only slightly down on last year's overnight figure of 3.7m. As noted, the final was won by the excellent Ash Mair who overcame the challenge of young Steve and even younger Claire to become the fourth MasterChef professional champion.
Bill Roache, who has played Coronation Street's Ken Barlow since 1960, has spoken about his spiritual beliefs and how humans will shortly be communicating telepathically. The seventy nine-year-old, currently one of the world's longest running television actors, gave his predictions in an interview for Sky Television. 
These glimpses into the future include a host of earthquakes, hurricanes, floods and tsunamis to 'cleanse the earth of negativity.' Which sounds like an episode of Corrie since Phil Collinson took over! Speaking to Kevin Moore for Sky's Moore Show, Roache stated that: 'The Earth is a living being with consciousness and it has an understanding.' He claimed that in 2012 it's going to make some changes. 'Unfortunately there are some cleansings that will have to take place where negative energy has to be discharged and these will be in the form of earthquakes, hurricanes, floods and tsunamis,' he said, continuing: 'We'll move into the golden age which will be a wonderful age where we'll all love.' Oh dear. David Ike's finally been reborn in the shape of a soap actor with ideas above his intellect. Stick to what you're good at, Bill, and leave the predicting to Nostradamus, eh? (Although, to be fair, he was seldom right, either!)
BSkyB has commissioned a second series of quirky comedy This is Jinsy. The series, which has featured guest appearances from the likes of David Tennant and Harry Hill, will return for an eight part run on Sky Atlantic in 2013.
Matthew Wright's Channel Five show in which he imitated a catchphrase from the TV detective series Taggart to describe the death of a teenager in the Western Isles of Scotland has become the most complained about TV show of 2011. The edition of The Wright Stuff in which the presenter attempted a Scottish accent and said 'there's been another murder' prompted two thousand two hundred complaints to Ofcom. The programme led a top ten that included two editions of ITV's Dancing on Ice and Jeremy Clarkson's faux-controversial appearance on BBC1's The ONE Show. The X Factor made the most appearances in Ofcom's top one hundred, with fifteen editions of the talent show generating a total of seven hundred and fifty three complaints. The antics of wannabe rockstar Frankie Cocozza, who left the show after breaking a 'golden rule', sparked the most ire among viewers. More than two hundred people complained about transgressions including swearing before the 9pm watershed, when Cocozza shouted 'fucking have it, get in there' after avoiding being voted out, and glamorising alcohol abuse in clips showing him partying in London nightclubs. Nice to see people have so much time on their hands these days, isn't it? The seemingly innocuous Dancing on Ice managed to raise viewers' hackles thanks to the outspoken comments of now former judge Jason Gardiner, who in one trademark put down suggested that a contestant was 'missing a couple of chromosomes.' ITV said at the time of the broadcast last January that Gardiner had meant to 'suggest that he looked like a chimpanzee, but [it] was taken to mean something very different by some viewers.' Oh, so that's all right, then. An on-air argument between Gardiner and the programme's head coach, Karen Barber, ruffled even more feathers among fans, with seven hundred and eight four complaining to Ofcom and three thousand venting their spleen to ITV. Jezza Clarkson's appearance on The ONE Show last month, in which he said that he had enjoyed the private sector strikes because the roads had been clear but, since he was on the BBC he was required to be balanced so, therefore, striking public sector workers should be executed in front of their families, was Ofcom's third most complained about show of the year. Which will doubtless come as a huge disappointment to the Gruniad Morning Star which, more than any other newspaper, tried everything it could to keep the story in the public eye for far longer than it needed to be. Clarkson made a second appearance in the Ofcom top ten – this time with his Top Gear co-presenters Richard Hammond and James May – after they described Mexicans as 'lazy, feckless, flatulent [and] overweight' on an episode of the BBC2 show broadcast in January.
The comments prompted an official complaint to the BBC from the Mexican ambassador in London but was equalled as fatuous and stupid as The ONE Show malarkey and was dismissed by Ofcom earlier in the year as lots of people with little better to do having a sense of humour bypass. Something one could say about the vast majority of complaints to Ofcom, frankly. Channel 4's The Joy of Teen Sex occupied two further slots in the top ten for, allegedly, 'graphic images and language.' Charlie Brooker's darkly satirical drama Black Mirror: The National Anthem, prompted complaints about 'offensive language and themes of kidnapping, suicide, torture, terrorism and bestiality.' Blimey. Better start watching that one, then. Channel Four's acclaimed documentary Sri Lanka's Killing Fields, which featured graphic footage of alleged war crimes, was the fifth most complained about programme of the year. Which probably tells you far more about the people making such complaints than it does about anything contained within the programme itself. The documentary was cleared of breaching Ofcom's broadcasting code.
Now, you're gonna love this one, dear blog reader. Because, speaking of whinging glakes, an unspecified number of parents have allegedly complained to the BBC after a Womble removed his costume head during a live video stream on a BBC Radio 2 show. Jesus. Seriously guys, haven't you got anything more important to do with your time? The error occurred on Tuesday of this week during an exclusive appearance by The Wombles on Simon Mayo's Drivetime show to perform various songs, including 'Wombling Merry Christmas'. Some parents - various tabloid reports claim, although all of them are remarkably short on specific numbers - were 'outraged' when Orinoco took off the head of his costume while the web stream was still running and available on the Radio 2 website. This blogger is a man of some considerable passion when it comes to the injustices in the world, dear blog reader. But, I always try to save my 'outrage' for stuff that, you know, actually matters and, by contrast. just get mildly irked at trivia that really doesn't. War, bigotry, hatred, homophobia, racism, the fact that some bastard cloned my debit card this week and left me with just thirty three quid and eleven pence in my current account. True story! Those are all properly outrageous and reason to get very angry indeed. Some bloke taking a Womble head off in front of your kids, really, isn't. I mean, not even close. Wombles musical director Mike Batt, who was playing Orinoco, removed the head for the interview with Mayo at the end of the appearance, 'shattering the illusion for children that the Wombles were real.' As we can see from the photographic evidence on the right. Look, he's got his head off! The horror. Oh no, hang on, that's Simon Mayo, isn't it? He always looks like that. The BBC quickly removed the link to the live feed from the Radio 2 website and Batt apologised on Twitter for the incident. According to the Daily Torygraph, parents (again, an unspecified number) have complained of the 'damage' done by the gaffe, forcing them to come up with explanations about why a human was inside a Womble. Oh, the humanity. They go on to quote one Peter McFarland, a father of four, whom they state was watching the live stream with his six-year-old son Dylan. He, allegedly, told the paper: 'I'm very very angry - we were watching the Radio 2 live footage of the Wombles and at the end of the interview Orinoco pulled his head off before the cameras stopped rolling to reveal Mike Batt instead. Some idiot at the BBC forgot to switch off the webcam at the end of the show and Dylan was right in front of the computer.' He added: 'I thought it might have been too brief for Dylan to have noticed as he went totally silent and we thought we might have got away with it, but then he said "all Wombles are fake", and asked to go to Wimbledon Common to meet the real ones. Now I have an absolutely crushed and distraught six-year-old. One VERY angry e-mail getting sent to the BBC now.' And we could tell he was VERY angry because he wrote the word 'very' in capital letters. Peter, a tip mate. For God's sake, grow up.
Christine Furniss, forty three, said that she had to explain to her two boys that the Wombles were 'not real' after the live stream error. And, that was a hardship for you, was it Christine? 'They both looked at me for an explanation when Orinoco's head came off - what could I tell them? I had to tell them the truth and it's fair to say they were devastated,' she said. 'All of their friends were watching it at home too as it was a chance to see the Wombles perform the Christmas song - so a lot of children were left very, very upset about what happened.' And still, let us marvel at the utter shite that some people chose to care about. What's that line from Parenthood? 'You need a licence to go fishing, you need a licence to keep a dog. But any butt-reaming asshole can be a parent.' Batt, who created the Wombles as a performing musical group in the 1970s, claimed that that BBC had told him he was 'no longer on air' and could remove his costume. He also said that he was supposed to be given a break between the performance and being interviewed by Mayo as it was very hot inside the studio. He said: 'I told [the BBC] that I needed a break after the songs [as it] was a high heat effort - they were supposed to give me a two-minute break!' A BBC spokesman, on the contrary, claimed that Batt was 'made aware' that the Wombles were being filmed, and suggested that he 'had not been given the all clear that they were off-air. Wow, so claim and counter-claim. What do we call this fiasco then, Womblegate? Last month, the UK advertising watchdog ruled out an investigation into a Littlewoods Christmas TV advert campaign, despite receiving more than four hundred and fifty complaints - from morons - that it 'distressed' children by suggesting Father Christmas is not real. Which he, actually, isn't, kids. Sorry you had to find out this way. But, listen, life's tough and you need to learn the truth sometimes. Your parents are all lying to you when they claim that Santa is real. Yes, I know that when you get caught telling lies you get a damned good hiding and sent to bed. Yes, I know really life isn't fair. But, what can I do, I'm just one man?
Now, talking about arseholes, Strictly Come Dancing judge, and endorser of Avon cosmetics, Alesha Dixon has also revealed another talent. She's a self-proclaimed 'bum expert.'
Well, she certainly talks through her own enough to make such a claim, I'd've said. The thirty three-year-old singer-turned-television personality, has been giving her views on famous arses. Speaking to the host on on this week's episode of BBC1's The Graham Norton Show, she gets right to the bottom of the debate by discussing Pippa Middleton's shapely behind. The self-appointed expert on backsides says: 'I love bums and she doesn't have one that makes me go, "I want Pippa's bum." She looked perfect but she didn't take anything away from her sister Kate.' The Dameship is in the post, Alesha.
Two Premier League footballers have been arrested after cars were damaged in Newcastle city centre. Sunderland midfielder Lee Cattermole and striker Nicklas Bendtner were held in relation to an incident in Stowell Street on 6 December. Stowell Street, incidentally, is where all of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's favourite Chinese restaurants are. Just, you know, bit of personal attachment to the area. Anyway, the pair, both aged twenty three, were later bailed pending further inquiries, Northumbria Police confirmed. Sunderland AFC has not commented on the arrests, which were on suspicion of criminal damage. A Northumbria Police spokesman said: 'Police can confirm that on 15 December two men aged twenty three were arrested on suspicion of criminal damage. It follows an investigation into cars damaged on Stowell Street in Newcastle city centre which happened about 10pm on 6 December. The two men have been bailed.' Naughty boys. Allegedly, of course. Nothing had yet been admitted or proven.
A teenage girl from Yorkshire has 'opened up' (by which, of course, we mean sold her pointless story to a tabloid) about her fear of crumpets. Stefani Ingamells of Scarborough suffers from 'trypophobia', a morbid terror of holes, which leaves her crippled with bowel-shattering horror at the sight of the traditional English toasted treat. 'If I was forced to look at one for any length of time I think I would be sick,' the nineteen-year-old told the Sun.
Fortunately for Stefani, we live in a country where crumpet torture is, thankfully, a thing of the past. Oh, them was dark days indeed. 'My first reaction is always to destroy the crumpet. But then I have a strong urge to run away. The other day I saw a group of straws pointing upwards and I was terrified. I also hate Crunchies because of the holes in the honeycomb. But my biggest fear has always been crumpets.' She added: 'I looked up "fear" and "crumpets" on the Internet. I found lots of forums and support groups full of other people with trypophobia. We all have a fear of small clusters of holes.' Best steer clear of the inside of an Aero Bar then, chuck. That'd just be like pouring gasoline on a timebomb. Recalling the moment when her phobia originally struck, Ingamells said: 'My first memory of them was when I was five. My mum gave me one for breakfast and I just screamed.' Yeah, I used to have the same reaction to cottage cheese, love. Anyway ...
And so to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's Twenty Two Days of Christmas, dear blog reader. And, following on from yesterday's - highly suspicious - Daily Scum Mail story about the stroppy teenager who'd written Santa a pointed death-threat, I thought we'd better have a short essay for the masses on the subject of respect for reindeer. Particularly the red nosed kind. Remember, dear blog reader, life is simply full of Temptations. Here are five of them right now.
Then The Doctor will meet a new friend.' Moffat added that he believes River Song (Alex Kingston) will make a return appearance next year, though it is unknown if the character will be involved in the exit storyline for her parents, Amy and Rory. Smith stated: 'The show will miss the Ponds, brilliantly played by Karen and Arthur, but the great thing about Doctor Who is its ability to change. We had the most incredible journey. We took over the show and we've really had to hold hands and help each other through it. So it's very disappointing, but one has to remember that this show is about change and regeneration, and that's what galvanises it and pushes it forwards.' Gillan and Darvill both made their Doctor Who debut as Amy and Rory in the first episode of the show's fifth series in 2010. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping is a huge admirer of both and will, of course, be sad to see them go. But, like the man once said, 'it is the end, but the moment has been prepared for.' Thankfully, Philip Glenister is nothing like his on-screen character Gene Hunt, because the Gene Genie would never have been caught dead attending the National Ballet as Glenister was photographed doing this week.
Gene would probably go down the cells and give some nonce a good shoeing at the very thought of such a discombobulation. Glenister, forty eight, even showed off a couple of dance moves as he was reunited with his Ashes To Ashes co-star luscious and pouting Keeley Hawes, who played Alex Drake in the popular BBC Telefantasy crime drama. The pair looked delighted to see each other as they mingled with the dancers from the production of the Christmas favourite, The Nutcracker, at the reception which was held at the St Martin's Lane Hotel in London. Hawes wasn't the only time-traveller to meet up with Glenister either, as they was also joined by John Simm, Glenister's co-star in Life On Mars, the prequel to Ashes to Ashes, and the show in which the character of Hunt was first seen. And it proved to be an even bigger reunion for Glenister and Simm as also they bumped into ex-Hustle actor Marc Warren who starred alongside them in the drama Mad Dogs last year and also appeared in one of the best Life on Mars episodes. It's to be hoped they all had a very nice night.Jason Donovan has described the BBC's decision to screen this year's Strictly Come Dancing final in 3D as 'an incredible step forward' for the broadcaster.
The Australian actor and singer, who is facing Harry Judd and Chelsee Healey in this weekend's Blackpool Tower showdown, admitted that he is jealous of viewers who could watch the spectacle at home. 'I think 3D is an incredible step forward for the BBC and this show. It's the perfect opportunity to showcase what is available with this technology,' said Donovan at this week's finalists' press conference. 'It's going to be an amazing night. I wish I could be watching it at home with a glass of wine in my hand, looking at people strutting their stuff. 3D. Wow, big thing.' Looks even bigger in 3D, apparently. Which is a good thing in the case of little Harry. 'Robbie Savage won't be doing any hip thrusts on Saturday night that's for sure. Craig Revel Horwood in 3D, that's going to be interesting as well!'Blue Peter is to be cut from two episodes a week to one in the new year. The long-running BBC children's magazine programme, which recently moved from London to the BBC's northern base in Salford, has been broadcast since 1958.
From Thursday 12 January it will be aired first on CBBC, with a repeat the following day on BBC1, according to the Radio Times. The BBC said that the show will now run all year round rather than taking its annual summer break, with a number of specials in addition to the regular weekly edition, including a series on Blue Peter presenter Helen Skelton's polar challenge. Blue Peter is currently screened on Monday and Tuesday.It is nine days until the nation settles down on the sofa to watch the Downton Abbey Christmas special (and, by 'the nation', we mean lots of middle-class Gruniad readers, basically. Another ten million will be watching EastEnders and Absolutely Fabulous on the other side, and then there's about thirty odd million people who'll probably be watching neither). But already a row is brewing over alleged fashion faux pas on the eagerly anticipated ITV drama. At stake is the reputation of Downton Abbey's carefully costumed characters, with one alleged 'expert' allegedly claiming that the show's alleged fashion sense is allegedly woefully out of step with the times. And, that the show's army officers fail the military moustache test. Tony Jackson, former editor of Shooting Times magazine (no, me neither), seized on a publicity still for the two-hour special which showed the men of the house going on a pheasant shoot wearing leather gaiters. 'The episode is set in 1919-1920, but the guns are dressed in the garb of the 1890s. No driven game shot in the twenties would have been seen wearing leather gaiters,' Jackson said in a letter to – where else? – the Daily Torygraph. 'All would have worn plus fours, stockings, leather boots and, possibly, light coloured spats. This was even the dress in the early 1900s. Only loaders wore gaiters.' The programme's creator, Lord Snooty Julian Fellowes, is notoriously sensitive (to the point of being decidedly prickly) about viewers who point out apparent anachronisms in the ITV drama, once telling them: 'The real problem is with people who are insecure socially.' He also, infamously, tried to shoehorn politics into the equation by once whinging about 'the left' making trouble. Ironic, really when, as previously noted, the vast majority of such utterly pointless whinging usually takes place in letters to those two great bastions of leftist attitudes, the Torygraph and the Daily Scum Mail.
He later admitted that he should not have got 'the hump.' No shit, Sherlock. But the latest accusations may test his patience to the full. Jackson told BBC Radio 4's World at One that the drama also failed the moustache test. 'Officers in the period in the first world war nearly always wore a moustache. In fact I have got a feeling it may have been a mandatory military command to have a hirsute upper lip.' In fact, as anyone who watched a recent episode of Qi will know, such regulations did exist up to the start of the first world war but were then abandoned (a point which guest panellist David Mitchell found particularly hilarious). Downton Abbey's producers said 'many hours of research' had gone into the programme's costumes to ensure that 'they are of the period and nothing is out of place. So much so that the costume department has a picture of men in gaiters way before 1922,' they said. Historical anachronisms in the first series of Downton Abbey included the use of the word 'boyfriend', a stray TV aerial getting into shot, a modern conservatory and double yellow lines on a road. Fellowes, who won an Oscar for Gosford Park, admitted it was 'sloppy' to have let the aerial slip through. The Christmas special of the show, which will return for a third series next year and was nominated for four Golden Globes on Thursday, is the centrepiece of ITV's Christmas schedule. Artist and Downton Abbey fan Maggi Hambling, who also appeared on the World at One, said concerns about the show's historical accuracy had been overstated. 'Most people would give anything for one minute of [Dame] Maggie Smith. These marvellous moments are far greater than complaints about gaiters.' Yeah. So, stick that in yer Shooting Times, Tone. Or, you know, not. And, speaking of no shit, Sherlock, which we presume and trust it very much wont be, details for the second episode of Sherlock series two - The Hounds of the Baskerville, have begun to emerge. The episode, which will be broadcast on 8 January will, of course, be adapted from Arthur Conan Doyle's iconic novel The Hound of the Baskervilles, probably the single most famous Sherlock Holmes story of them all - and certainly the one that'll be most familiar to most viewers. A BBC press release states:
'A Hound from Hell. A terrified young man. Sherlock's most famous case. But is a monster really stalking Dartmoor? Something terrible has happened to Henry Knight. Sherlock and John investigate the truth about the monstrous creature which apparently killed their client's father. But what seems like fantasy in Baker Street is a very different prospect in the ultra-secret army base that looms over Dartmoor.' Ooo, exciting stuff by the sounds of it. It'll be interesting to see how Sherlock tackles such an iconic text. We know that Being Human's Russell Tovey will play Henry Knight, who will likely take the place of Henry Baskerville from the original novel. Andrew Scott will also reprise his role as the flamboyantly over-the-top Jim Moriarty in the episode. The episode, as you'd probably expect for a story so steeps in Gothic horror traditions, has been written by Hammer's biggest fan, Mark Gatiss. 
'Surveillance.' Asked if anything changed at all since he was a private investigator from 2003 to 2009, he replied: 'Nothing.' Seems he spent most of his time giving one-word answers, by the sound of things. His evidence comes just a day after Tom Crone, the former legal chief of Scum of the World, testified that he believed that Webb was an accredited freelance journalist. Crone told the inquiry he 'had never been particularly keen' on the use of private detectives and he understood that certain 'strictures' on their use had been introduced when Colin Myler arrived as editor of Scum of the World. Crone told Leveson: 'They weren't quite banned [at the Scum of the World] but there were strictures on use of private detectives when Mr Myler came in.' Webb also told the inquiry how he had tailed the wife of one footballer for a month. 'It was hard work,' he said. 'She went everywhere.' What, including my house? The rotter. Meanwhile, oily, odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Piers Morgan, former editor of the Daily Mirra and the Scum of the World, is to appear before the Leveson inquiry next week. His appearance was confirmed by a CNN spokeswoman in New York, where he is based for the filming of his TV chat show Piers Morgan Tonight, who said that oily, odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Morgan would be giving testimony at some point next week. 'He's appearing next week, but we don't have a confirmed date yet,' said Megan McPartland. Oily, odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Morgan is expected to be questioned about various public statements he has made about celebrities, phone-hacking and his experience at the helm of two of the country's best-selling newspapers. Oily, odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Morgan is expected to give evidence by video link from New York. At twenty eight, oily odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Morgan was appointed editor of the Scum of the World, making him the youngest tabloid newspaper editor in history. He was editor of the Daily Mirra for more than ten years but was sacked, in disgrace, in 2004 after the newspaper conceded that photos which it had published apparently showing British soldiers abusing an Iraqi were fake. In a statement the Mirra claimed that it had fallen victim to a 'calculated and malicious hoax' and that it would be 'inappropriate' for Morgan to continue. Oily, odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Morgan famously claimed in a GQ magazine interview in 2007 that phone-hacking was 'widespread' and that 'loads of newspaper journalists were doing it' when Clive Goodman and Glenn Mulcaire were jailed in January of that year. He has never, to this day, explained how he knew this or cited any specifics of which journalists he was referring to. Asked by the model Naomi Campbell in the interview whether he knew about voicemail interception while he was editor of Scum of the World, oily odious and wretched horrorshow (and drag) Morgan said: 'I was there in 1994-95, before mobiles were used very much, and that particular trick wasn't known about. I can't get too excited about it, I must say.
It was pretty well known that if you didn't change your pin code when you were a celebrity who bought a new phone, then reporters could ring your mobile, tap in a standard factory setting number and hear your messages. That is not, to me, as serious as planting a bug in someone's house, which is what some people seem to think was going on.' Morgan agreed that voicemail interception was an invasion of privacy, adding: 'But loads of newspaper journalists were doing it. Clive Goodman, the News of the World reporter, has been made the scapegoat for a very widespread practice.' A year earlier, in 2006, Morgan wrote an article for the Daily Scum Mail claiming that he was played a tape of a message Paul McCartney left on the mobile phone of Heather Mills. 'The couple had clearly had a tiff, Heather had fled to India, and Paul was pleading with her to come back,' he said in the article. 'He sounded lonely, miserable and desperate, and even sang 'We Can Work It Out' into the answerphone.' Oily, odious and wretched horroshow (and drag) Morgan subsequently described Mills' allegation that he had listened to her voicemail messages as 'unsubstantiated' and has insisted that he, personally, had never hacked anyone's phone.Thursday night's final of MasterChef: The Professionals had an overnight audience of 3.33m on BBC2 (3.5m with BBC HD viewers included), only slightly down on last year's overnight figure of 3.7m. As noted, the final was won by the excellent Ash Mair who overcame the challenge of young Steve and even younger Claire to become the fourth MasterChef professional champion.
These glimpses into the future include a host of earthquakes, hurricanes, floods and tsunamis to 'cleanse the earth of negativity.' Which sounds like an episode of Corrie since Phil Collinson took over! Speaking to Kevin Moore for Sky's Moore Show, Roache stated that: 'The Earth is a living being with consciousness and it has an understanding.' He claimed that in 2012 it's going to make some changes. 'Unfortunately there are some cleansings that will have to take place where negative energy has to be discharged and these will be in the form of earthquakes, hurricanes, floods and tsunamis,' he said, continuing: 'We'll move into the golden age which will be a wonderful age where we'll all love.' Oh dear. David Ike's finally been reborn in the shape of a soap actor with ideas above his intellect. Stick to what you're good at, Bill, and leave the predicting to Nostradamus, eh? (Although, to be fair, he was seldom right, either!) BSkyB has commissioned a second series of quirky comedy This is Jinsy. The series, which has featured guest appearances from the likes of David Tennant and Harry Hill, will return for an eight part run on Sky Atlantic in 2013.
Matthew Wright's Channel Five show in which he imitated a catchphrase from the TV detective series Taggart to describe the death of a teenager in the Western Isles of Scotland has become the most complained about TV show of 2011. The edition of The Wright Stuff in which the presenter attempted a Scottish accent and said 'there's been another murder' prompted two thousand two hundred complaints to Ofcom. The programme led a top ten that included two editions of ITV's Dancing on Ice and Jeremy Clarkson's faux-controversial appearance on BBC1's The ONE Show. The X Factor made the most appearances in Ofcom's top one hundred, with fifteen editions of the talent show generating a total of seven hundred and fifty three complaints. The antics of wannabe rockstar Frankie Cocozza, who left the show after breaking a 'golden rule', sparked the most ire among viewers. More than two hundred people complained about transgressions including swearing before the 9pm watershed, when Cocozza shouted 'fucking have it, get in there' after avoiding being voted out, and glamorising alcohol abuse in clips showing him partying in London nightclubs. Nice to see people have so much time on their hands these days, isn't it? The seemingly innocuous Dancing on Ice managed to raise viewers' hackles thanks to the outspoken comments of now former judge Jason Gardiner, who in one trademark put down suggested that a contestant was 'missing a couple of chromosomes.' ITV said at the time of the broadcast last January that Gardiner had meant to 'suggest that he looked like a chimpanzee, but [it] was taken to mean something very different by some viewers.' Oh, so that's all right, then. An on-air argument between Gardiner and the programme's head coach, Karen Barber, ruffled even more feathers among fans, with seven hundred and eight four complaining to Ofcom and three thousand venting their spleen to ITV. Jezza Clarkson's appearance on The ONE Show last month, in which he said that he had enjoyed the private sector strikes because the roads had been clear but, since he was on the BBC he was required to be balanced so, therefore, striking public sector workers should be executed in front of their families, was Ofcom's third most complained about show of the year. Which will doubtless come as a huge disappointment to the Gruniad Morning Star which, more than any other newspaper, tried everything it could to keep the story in the public eye for far longer than it needed to be. Clarkson made a second appearance in the Ofcom top ten – this time with his Top Gear co-presenters Richard Hammond and James May – after they described Mexicans as 'lazy, feckless, flatulent [and] overweight' on an episode of the BBC2 show broadcast in January.
The comments prompted an official complaint to the BBC from the Mexican ambassador in London but was equalled as fatuous and stupid as The ONE Show malarkey and was dismissed by Ofcom earlier in the year as lots of people with little better to do having a sense of humour bypass. Something one could say about the vast majority of complaints to Ofcom, frankly. Channel 4's The Joy of Teen Sex occupied two further slots in the top ten for, allegedly, 'graphic images and language.' Charlie Brooker's darkly satirical drama Black Mirror: The National Anthem, prompted complaints about 'offensive language and themes of kidnapping, suicide, torture, terrorism and bestiality.' Blimey. Better start watching that one, then. Channel Four's acclaimed documentary Sri Lanka's Killing Fields, which featured graphic footage of alleged war crimes, was the fifth most complained about programme of the year. Which probably tells you far more about the people making such complaints than it does about anything contained within the programme itself. The documentary was cleared of breaching Ofcom's broadcasting code.Now, you're gonna love this one, dear blog reader. Because, speaking of whinging glakes, an unspecified number of parents have allegedly complained to the BBC after a Womble removed his costume head during a live video stream on a BBC Radio 2 show. Jesus. Seriously guys, haven't you got anything more important to do with your time? The error occurred on Tuesday of this week during an exclusive appearance by The Wombles on Simon Mayo's Drivetime show to perform various songs, including 'Wombling Merry Christmas'. Some parents - various tabloid reports claim, although all of them are remarkably short on specific numbers - were 'outraged' when Orinoco took off the head of his costume while the web stream was still running and available on the Radio 2 website. This blogger is a man of some considerable passion when it comes to the injustices in the world, dear blog reader. But, I always try to save my 'outrage' for stuff that, you know, actually matters and, by contrast. just get mildly irked at trivia that really doesn't. War, bigotry, hatred, homophobia, racism, the fact that some bastard cloned my debit card this week and left me with just thirty three quid and eleven pence in my current account. True story! Those are all properly outrageous and reason to get very angry indeed. Some bloke taking a Womble head off in front of your kids, really, isn't. I mean, not even close. Wombles musical director Mike Batt, who was playing Orinoco, removed the head for the interview with Mayo at the end of the appearance, 'shattering the illusion for children that the Wombles were real.' As we can see from the photographic evidence on the right. Look, he's got his head off! The horror. Oh no, hang on, that's Simon Mayo, isn't it? He always looks like that. The BBC quickly removed the link to the live feed from the Radio 2 website and Batt apologised on Twitter for the incident. According to the Daily Torygraph, parents (again, an unspecified number) have complained of the 'damage' done by the gaffe, forcing them to come up with explanations about why a human was inside a Womble. Oh, the humanity. They go on to quote one Peter McFarland, a father of four, whom they state was watching the live stream with his six-year-old son Dylan. He, allegedly, told the paper: 'I'm very very angry - we were watching the Radio 2 live footage of the Wombles and at the end of the interview Orinoco pulled his head off before the cameras stopped rolling to reveal Mike Batt instead. Some idiot at the BBC forgot to switch off the webcam at the end of the show and Dylan was right in front of the computer.' He added: 'I thought it might have been too brief for Dylan to have noticed as he went totally silent and we thought we might have got away with it, but then he said "all Wombles are fake", and asked to go to Wimbledon Common to meet the real ones. Now I have an absolutely crushed and distraught six-year-old. One VERY angry e-mail getting sent to the BBC now.' And we could tell he was VERY angry because he wrote the word 'very' in capital letters. Peter, a tip mate. For God's sake, grow up.
Christine Furniss, forty three, said that she had to explain to her two boys that the Wombles were 'not real' after the live stream error. And, that was a hardship for you, was it Christine? 'They both looked at me for an explanation when Orinoco's head came off - what could I tell them? I had to tell them the truth and it's fair to say they were devastated,' she said. 'All of their friends were watching it at home too as it was a chance to see the Wombles perform the Christmas song - so a lot of children were left very, very upset about what happened.' And still, let us marvel at the utter shite that some people chose to care about. What's that line from Parenthood? 'You need a licence to go fishing, you need a licence to keep a dog. But any butt-reaming asshole can be a parent.' Batt, who created the Wombles as a performing musical group in the 1970s, claimed that that BBC had told him he was 'no longer on air' and could remove his costume. He also said that he was supposed to be given a break between the performance and being interviewed by Mayo as it was very hot inside the studio. He said: 'I told [the BBC] that I needed a break after the songs [as it] was a high heat effort - they were supposed to give me a two-minute break!' A BBC spokesman, on the contrary, claimed that Batt was 'made aware' that the Wombles were being filmed, and suggested that he 'had not been given the all clear that they were off-air. Wow, so claim and counter-claim. What do we call this fiasco then, Womblegate? Last month, the UK advertising watchdog ruled out an investigation into a Littlewoods Christmas TV advert campaign, despite receiving more than four hundred and fifty complaints - from morons - that it 'distressed' children by suggesting Father Christmas is not real. Which he, actually, isn't, kids. Sorry you had to find out this way. But, listen, life's tough and you need to learn the truth sometimes. Your parents are all lying to you when they claim that Santa is real. Yes, I know that when you get caught telling lies you get a damned good hiding and sent to bed. Yes, I know really life isn't fair. But, what can I do, I'm just one man? Now, talking about arseholes, Strictly Come Dancing judge, and endorser of Avon cosmetics, Alesha Dixon has also revealed another talent. She's a self-proclaimed 'bum expert.'
Well, she certainly talks through her own enough to make such a claim, I'd've said. The thirty three-year-old singer-turned-television personality, has been giving her views on famous arses. Speaking to the host on on this week's episode of BBC1's The Graham Norton Show, she gets right to the bottom of the debate by discussing Pippa Middleton's shapely behind. The self-appointed expert on backsides says: 'I love bums and she doesn't have one that makes me go, "I want Pippa's bum." She looked perfect but she didn't take anything away from her sister Kate.' The Dameship is in the post, Alesha. Two Premier League footballers have been arrested after cars were damaged in Newcastle city centre. Sunderland midfielder Lee Cattermole and striker Nicklas Bendtner were held in relation to an incident in Stowell Street on 6 December. Stowell Street, incidentally, is where all of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's favourite Chinese restaurants are. Just, you know, bit of personal attachment to the area. Anyway, the pair, both aged twenty three, were later bailed pending further inquiries, Northumbria Police confirmed. Sunderland AFC has not commented on the arrests, which were on suspicion of criminal damage. A Northumbria Police spokesman said: 'Police can confirm that on 15 December two men aged twenty three were arrested on suspicion of criminal damage. It follows an investigation into cars damaged on Stowell Street in Newcastle city centre which happened about 10pm on 6 December. The two men have been bailed.' Naughty boys. Allegedly, of course. Nothing had yet been admitted or proven.
A teenage girl from Yorkshire has 'opened up' (by which, of course, we mean sold her pointless story to a tabloid) about her fear of crumpets. Stefani Ingamells of Scarborough suffers from 'trypophobia', a morbid terror of holes, which leaves her crippled with bowel-shattering horror at the sight of the traditional English toasted treat. 'If I was forced to look at one for any length of time I think I would be sick,' the nineteen-year-old told the Sun.
Fortunately for Stefani, we live in a country where crumpet torture is, thankfully, a thing of the past. Oh, them was dark days indeed. 'My first reaction is always to destroy the crumpet. But then I have a strong urge to run away. The other day I saw a group of straws pointing upwards and I was terrified. I also hate Crunchies because of the holes in the honeycomb. But my biggest fear has always been crumpets.' She added: 'I looked up "fear" and "crumpets" on the Internet. I found lots of forums and support groups full of other people with trypophobia. We all have a fear of small clusters of holes.' Best steer clear of the inside of an Aero Bar then, chuck. That'd just be like pouring gasoline on a timebomb. Recalling the moment when her phobia originally struck, Ingamells said: 'My first memory of them was when I was five. My mum gave me one for breakfast and I just screamed.' Yeah, I used to have the same reaction to cottage cheese, love. Anyway ... And so to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's Twenty Two Days of Christmas, dear blog reader. And, following on from yesterday's - highly suspicious - Daily Scum Mail story about the stroppy teenager who'd written Santa a pointed death-threat, I thought we'd better have a short essay for the masses on the subject of respect for reindeer. Particularly the red nosed kind. Remember, dear blog reader, life is simply full of Temptations. Here are five of them right now.
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