Pet Peeves: The Most Unfunny Man in the World

I love a bit of stand-up comedy, me. Always have done, right back to seeing Billy Connolly and Jasper Carrot live in the 1970s.

Eddie Izzard, Bill Bailey, Phill Jupitas, Jack Dee, in particular my hero the American comic Steven Wright. Brilliant stuff. Inventive, witty, informed.

And, then there's IainLee.

This, here, is Iain Lee. You might recognise him from a couple of quiz shows that he hosted for the Beeb (The 11 O'clock Show was probably the best known one) or as a presenter on children's TV, or from his slots as on commercial radio or, more likely, as one of those utterly interminable alleged "celebrity talking-heads" who turn up on those Channel 4 "Best Something Or Other in the World. Ever"-type shows that appear with monotonous regularity.

You know, it's him, Stuart Maconie, Marcus Brigstock, Vernon Kaye, Jamie Theakston and all of that crowd. Maconie, at least, has the fact that he's decent writer to fall back on but who, exactly are these other people? I mean, what do they do to justify their existence and breathe the same air that we do? They appear to be famous entirely for being famous, if you see what I mean. Some day, presumably, Channel 4 will put together a "Best of the Best Something Or Other in the Word. Ever" compilation which will feature nothing but three hours of these non-entities talking about any and every subject that's given to them without being in any way "informed" or actually knowing what the hell they're talking about.

This skinny wretch, in particular, pisses me off no end with his cynical looning (I'm told he's a big Lost and The Monkees fan but I don't care, not even those features redeem him). Now, again, I like a bit of cynicism in comedy as much as the next man. But, it has to be delivered with a modicum of charm otherwise it falls as flat as a pancake. (Look at, for instance, Stephen Fry at his most caustic, or Jack Dee, or Rich Hall - all of their comedy is, largely, based on being pissed-off fortysomething blokes, but they're also likeable with it).

Mr Lee, I'm afraid, just comes over as a smug, vastly unlikeable tosser whom I would really rather like to tie to a chair and then hit, in the face - hard - with a metal-framed photo-album containing images of some genuinely funny people. You know the kind of thing ... "This is Peter Cook. He was funny, you're not," WHACK. "These are Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimore. They're funny, you're not," WHACK. "This is Tommy Cooper. He was funny, you're not," WHACK. "This is Bill Hicks. He had more genuine humour in his little finger than you have in your entire body," WHACK. Etc.

I dunno, maybe it's just me channelling my dad (it's happening a lot, recently - especially, and worryingly, when it comes to music!) and I'm being desperately unkind to the poor bloke who's lovely and befriends kittens and is good to his mother. But, it's got to be said it's a very hard thing usually for someone on television to produce that kind of reaction in me - it being, after all, MY JOB to watch drivel on a daily basis. I can even put up with Big Brother so long as the wind's in a prevailing direction.

Anyway, more pet peeves may occur to me in the future if this curiously Mosleyite mood continues but in the mean time if you've got anyone that you'd like to see hit in the mush with a metal-framed photo-album for being a smug, ferret-faced, unamusing lanky glake, just let me know and I'll see what I can do.